Thursday, July 5, 2012

Welcome to Me, it's pretty great here.

I'm currently in the process of participating in a "blog a day for the month of July" challenge.  There's no prize at the end of the month, just the good feeling of knowing I belted myself in for the journey and followed all the road signs.  I've also made the concerted effort to check out other people's blogs and have been diligent in posting comments about their chosen words.  I did that because I really enjoy seeing comments on my own posts.  It's like getting a present.  A teeny tiny bit of excitement of what's to come.  Anyway, the point of me telling you that is because today's blog idea was inspired by a blog I read earlier.   I think it's a great idea and makes me think deeper thoughts about myself.  And sometimes I need that! 

And I'm a little narcissistic in the assumption that any of you readers want to learn more about little old me! 

So on your marks....get set....GO!

1.  I secretly, or rather not so secretly according to my boyfriend, love getting caught up in my teenage son's (moreso his friend's) highschool drama.  I love that such a thing as Facebook exists because it keeps me in 'the know'.   I love that his friends trust me and think I'm cool and therefore tell me a whole lot of stuff most parents wouldn't want to know.  I dig it.  Plus it reminds me what it was like when you thought nothing could ever get worse than what was happening RIGHT THIS MOMENT.  Or better for that matter.  Oh the good old days...

2.   I suffer from Ranidaphobia or Batrachophobia.  Yup, if you Wikipedia those words like I suggest in my last post you'll find they mean, Fear of Frogs (it should say:  a ridiculous fear of frogs/toads).  I'm not proud.  I know it's irrational yet they still make me shake and cry.  I've gotten better with it as I get older but I still won't get too close.  Just seeing one come on the television screen sends shivers down my spine.  And, if I know one is in the vacinity of my body in any way, shape or form, I cannot rest easy.   It's stupid, I know.

3.   I'm generally too caught up in the immediate world around me to care too much about what happens outside my little box.  But even on the rare occasion that something greatly interests me, I'm usually too lazy to actually participate or get involved.  If it doesn't involve too much effort on my part, I'll partake (for example, recycling.)

4.  One of  my most favourite things to do to pass the time is to read.  I'm disappointed that neither of my kids has taken up this hobby.  I thrive on it.  I've met so many unique people and I have been to so many places in this world (and beyond) because of the art of  (someone else's) writing.  It makes me believe in the unbelievable.  It makes me long for something I could never have, be someone I could never be and do something I'd never have the nerve to do.  It is an escape from the ordinary. 

5. I am extremely proud of myself.  I understand I have my own shortcomings and I have many things I should correct and improve upon within myself, but overall, I'm extremely proud of where I have gotten to and who I am as a person.  I have relatively decent kids from whom I have learned tolerance and patience.  I have a decent career that I'm good at and I still enjoy doing after 16 years.  I am a much better mate to my boyfriend than I would have been 10 years ago.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still selfish in my own way, but I am much more willing to compromise now than I ever was.  I'm a fair and easy to deal with lady friend for my guy.  And I'm way cool. 

6.  I'm not very good at sharing my feelings.  Especially when they make me feel emotional and vulnerable.  I still struggle quite often with the feelings that overwhelm me regarding the death of my father.  I found it hard to show emotion even when I was sitting with a bereavement counselor, alone!  Gah!  It's frustrating even to me.  I wish I was more willing to open up.  I prefer to cry in solitude.

7.  I adore the Harry Potter series and I secretly wish I could go to Hogwarts and be a witch/wizard.  I want to travel through fireplaces and down toilets and on broomsticks.  I want to sit around in heavy cloaks in the winter and drink warmed pumpkin juice and in the summer sip frozen butter beer.  I want a pet Hippogriff and a mentor like Albus Dumbledore.  I want to be best friends with Harry, Ron and Hermione.  I want it all, the good the bad and the downright scary!  I even planned my family vacation around the opening of The World Of Harry Potter (or whatever the heck they called it) at Universal Studios two years ago.  I could have spent the whole week there.  Sigh....

8. Aside from the above mentioned phobia, my number one fear is dying while my kids are young.  I'm not sure if it's because I'll miss out on so much of their lives or if it's because I'll lose control over how I want them to be raised.   It could also have something to do with the fact that the idea of leaving my kids to be raised alone by their incompetent father makes me want to lock them in a closet and bury myself with the key. 

9. I was never supposed to be a Holly when I was born.  I was supposed to be named Nicole Lauren but when my dad looked at me he didn't see a Nicole, so I got the moniker Holly Adrienne.  At 37 1/2 years old I'm still not entirely sure how to spell my middle name.   Sometimes it is Adrienne and sometimes it's Adrianne.  And I used to loathe my name.  I was always the only Holly in my school.  But now I love it.  I love that there aren't too many Holly's my age.  And the middle name isn't so repulsive either, I suppose.  I even picked names that are out of the ordinary for my own children.  But they're boys, so they don't seem to care so much about being the odd ducks.  Sometimes I wish I was a boy.  For reasons like this. 

10. I find blogging cathartic for me.  I don't have much confidence in my writing, but I'm learning that if I don't give it too much thought, the words just flow.  Sometimes I re-read what I've written in the past and I'm embarrassed by what I thought was witty.  But I try not to think on that too much.  I assume not many people read my writings but I'm still inclined to keep doing it.  One day I hope my kids will read my blog and learn more about who their mother is/was as a person and not just as their parent.  And writing helps me keep my thoughts in order or rather work through my feelings.  I'm better with words when I write them out rather than when I speak them.

11.  I tend to rely on lists.  I'm a list girl.  I find comfort in lists (I mean look at this blog post!  The fact that it's a list is probably why it was so appealing to me).  They keep me organized and as a manager in my work world that makes me not appear stupid.  It makes me seem like I'm on the ball all the time.  But that's not true.  I just know my shortcomings and have learned how to get around them.  Lists, lists, lists.  I've heard that's a common Virgo thing.  So that makes sense. 

12.  I have had three house fires in my adult life.  That might be acceptable if I was a pyromaniac, but I assure you, I am not.   One was electrical (one of those bare bulb pull string lights), one source was never determined (started in the wood shed), and one was my silly cat trying to keep warm (by knocking the heat lamp on the lizard cage off and onto my living room carpet).   The first one was horrible we lost almost everything, the second was crappy but thank goodness for insurance and the third was just enough of a scare to make me get rid of the lizards.   This familiarity with the fire department even led to me casually dating a firefighter, but since he was almost as old as my mom (though you would never know it) and refused to wear his uniform outside of work for me, his appeal quickly wore off.  And I always felt like he was lecturing me on smoke detectors and CO2 monitors.  Of which I had, along with three fire extinguishers!  I think I'm fire paranoid now. 

13. Up until 4 months ago, I have never had a hobby.  Then I discovered Pinterest.  I think it's safe to say I can't narrowly typecast what my hobby is so I just say my hobby is Pinterest.  Except I actually do the stuff I see on Pinterest. I don't just whittle away hours pinning stuff to my boards.  I have actually attempted several ideas in the craft department, the home reno department and the recipe department.  Pinterest is probably the best thing that could have happened to me in the past year.  I've found stuff to do!  And I'm really enjoying it.  I've been quite successful thus far and I've even been featured on a popular Upcycling blog, which has been one of the highlights of the past few months for me.  It doesn't take much. 

14.  My parents blessed me and my siblings with the experiences of travel.  Through my childhood I've been to both oceans and across this fair land of ours we call, Canada.  I've been into the States to Florida, Pennsylvania, New York, Michigan. Ohio, and whatever other ones are en route to Florida.  I've been lucky to have been a passenger on an airplane, a ferry, a train, and a bus all before I moved out of my childhood home.  I've continued to travel in my adult life to several more places and I've been lucky to be able to travel a bit with my kids.  I'd like to be able to take them to more places and hopefully I will get the chance. But I think I've taught them enough about travel that they themselves actually want to do it.  There is just so much more to this world then what's in our backyards.  I want for us to experience as much as we can. 

15.  I feel like I've finally figured out what a relationship between two people who love each other truly really is.  It's only taken me 35 years but I feel like I've got it.  We were friends for 5 years before we decided to 'date' but I don't think that really plays any role in where we are now (aside from the fact that we like each other's friends).  We have nothing really in common, yet we enjoy the time we spend together.  I don't feel the need to talk about 'us' all the time because I'm not trying to convince myself or others that what we have is awesome and amazing.  It just is, so I feel no justification is needed at this point in my life. 

16.  I don't have many close friends.  I have tons of acquaintances and people I love to hang out with, but a very select few know the ins and outs of the real me.  I think that connects back to number 6 and my inability to appear vulnerable.  I still feel I'm truly blessed with the people I keep in my life whether they are extremely close to me or those people I love to unwind with.  Everyone serves their purpose.  And I appreciate them all.

17. I love the dentist.  I love, love, LOVE getting my teeth cleaned.  I love the feeling of something jammed into my gums.  Especially when they put that thing in your mouth to take the x-rays and they asked you to clamp down on it and it pushes into your gums...god I love that.  And that picky thing they put in between your teeth to scrape the plaque and tarter out?  Man that's a great invention.  And my dentist is just pretty rad too. 

18. I think I've grown out of roller coasters.  This statement actually makes me sad and nostalgic.   I used to be able to spend the whole day at an amusement park riding ride after ride after ride.  Now they make me feel sick if I do too many in a row and they often give me headaches.  I remember my first roller coaster partner was my dad.  And for many years it remained my dad.  Lately it's been my kids and that's super awesome too.  I just wish I could still tolerate them for longer so I'd have more great memories of roller coasters to add to my brain bank. 

19. It's not too often I go out and party it up for a night.  A couple times a year I have a select group of ladies (and a couple of gents) who I go dancing with.  Sometimes we go to Toronto for the night and do the whole hotel room shtick so no one has to drive, but often we just stay in town.  Anyway, the point is when I go out to dance,  I dance.  That's all I want to do.  I hit that dance floor around 10 p.m., I zone out and I dance my damn face off.  God, I love those nights.  Don't even try the pick up lines on me or dancing your booty all up in mine.  You are not part of my zone.  I wish I had mad dance skillz.  But really? I just don't care.  Dance like no one's watching right?

20.  Sometimes on hot days, I like to take a shower and just let my hair dry naturally.  Then I avoid a mirror like the plague so that I can pretend it dried all movie star like with perfect waves and bounce.  I pretend that when I run my fingers through it, it falls perfectly around  my face and shoulders and I look fresh and clean and girl next door like and my cheeks are sun kissed and rosy.  But then that damn mirror lures me in every time and I look like I just rolled out of a dumpster.  And the elastic and barrettes win again.  Thank god for hair straighteners.  I mean seriously! 

So there you go, twenty super great things to know about me.  How lucky are you guys?  Remember, I don't like to get personal and stuff.   So consider this your lucky day. 


  1. Hi Holly
    Awesome post! Each paragraph could be a post all on its own.
    As to phobias - I learned the other day that the difference between someone who is phobic and not is in how you 'see' that thing when you think about it. Not phobic 'sees' the thing a reasonable distance from them, a phobic person , right up close, in-your-face close, which is perfectly sensible to be scared and get away from it. Apparently if you practice imagining that thing a safe distance away you can re-tune your fearful reactions. Good luck!

  2. I love this post Holly! It takes alot just to list all of these things about yourself on a blog, so I think you are being more vulnerable than usual! Happy to say we are family! XXOO

  3. It's great that you got to travel that much as a child. I hope there are more travels for you and your family in the near future.

  4. That was fun! I do consider it my lucky day! :) So good to get to know you a bit more from the UBC! Great stuff. Keep going with the "flow" and let the words come. I'm so surprised when I look back now from where I was when I started blogging a year and a half ago. You will find that you'll improve so much the more you do it. Keep up the great work.

  5. I am with you on the dentist and the roller coasters, but not with the frogs. This was a pleasure to read... except for the sad fact that I kept wanting to click "like" ... lol

  6. Ha, I wanted to like your comment Natalie! Thanks for all the kind words, I love blogging. I just worry that I bore everyone who is silly enough to keep coming back. :)

  7. What an awesome post!! Great to meet you Holly!! I am Holly too, but they were going to call me Noelle to begin with!! I love getting my teeth cleaned but hate the rest of it and I am afraid of the dark!! And I love your fear of dying while your kids are young reasons!!