Monday, April 30, 2012

We Don't Get to Choose...

Every family, even though it is made up of individual members, results in a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Unique behaviors cause a family to develop its own unique set of rules and family members develop their own distinct roles.  Many have heard of the various roles I'm talking about that develop within a family unit.  In a DYSFUNCTIONAL family some examples are:

The Caretaker:
The sibling(s) who tends to everyone else's needs.

The Hero (or “the responsible one”):
This siblings did/does well in school, work, athletics, etc.  He/she gives the family a sense of self-esteem.  Often swoops in to save the day for another member of the family. 

The Scapegoat (AKA: the black sheep of the family):
Has problems with authority within and out of the family.  Often has behavior problems and therefore many of the family problems get blamed on this particular sibling(s).

The Mascot (or “family cheerleader”):
The class clown of siblings.  Gains the attention of the rest of the family through laughter. Provides the family with a diversion from the group problems.

The Lost Child (or “the quiet one”):
The sibling(s) grows to isolate him/herself from the rest of the family and tends to be very low maintenance.

It's interesting...I can put each one of my dad's siblings into one of these five categories.  Some categories would have more than others.  I also find it interesting that despite 9 people in his family it's only come down to an issue that's transpired in the past two years between two of the nine to destroy the closeness that we all shared.  Will I be surprised if we are never all in the same room again? Not at all.  Will I be surprised that my father's funeral will be the last recorded time all were in the same room again civilly?  Pretty sad, but yes, that will surprise me.  And let it not go without saying that it would be one of the most disappointing things to him as well. 

Do I expect one side of the party to cave and suck it up?  No, not at all.  It's just shitty it's come down to this.  That people don't realize that the result of their actions affect the whole of the group, not just themselves.  The whole effect is greater than the sum of the parts, remember? 

I will do my utmost best to remain "Switzerland" as one might say, but I have my thoughts on it and they're not that nice.  I used to be proud to say I came from a DYSFUNCTIONAL family, now I'm almost ashamed. 

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Pop the Cork

Yesterday was Saturday.  In other words, GARAGE SALE day!  After dropping Gage off at work, Eric and I headed out to check out neighbourhood garage sales.  We made some pretty sweet scores (I'll post about them as they become relevant in my life).  The last garage sale we hit up netted me a pine calendar holder thingy.  No, I don't want to display my calendar in a pine country style frame, but I did envision it being a most amazing cork board.  Remember in my last post I still had about 200 corks left over?  Well here we go people!

So I started with the calendar display and I sanded it all down to smooth out the edges and clean up some of the wear and tear it had endured.  Then I wiped it down to rid the surface of dust.  I added a foam letter "R" to represent the last name of the recipient and a couple foam flowers.  It just seemed to be lacking something and I thought so three additions did the trick.  I then gave it two coats of white gloss paint and allowed that to dry. 

I laid out the corks to ensure they'd fit with ease (which thankfully they did, as cutting corks isn't entirely thrilling).  I then pulled them out once I had a basic pattern thought out and started gluing them into place with my hot glue gun. 

All in all the project took maybe 2 hours start to finish and I did it while watching tv so it went pretty quickly.  I'm finding crafting kind of cathartic.  So double win.  Looking at the finished project I'm positive I could retail that for at least $25-$30.  Rather I, as a consumer, would be willing to pay that (and maybe more) if I'd stumbled across it during the holiday season and I had the right person in mind (as we know, I clearly do!).  The actual pine calendar display thingy cost me $3 and I had the corks, the paint, the glue sticks and the foam letters from prior projects.  So $3.00 and the end result is this:

Sarah seemed genuinely pleased with her crafty gift.  And while I was there she showed me a brilliant Pinterest project she herself had just completed.  One I'll be storing in the back of my mind for my house (Which looked eerily like her house when I drove up to it.  Strange...)!

Anyway, another craft under my belt.  I'm really digging this new hobby of mine.  I've never really had one before so this is extra new to me.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Be Nice When You're Frustrated.

Tonight Eric, Roan and I went out for dinner.  Huge regrets.  It happens to be Roan's favourite restaurant and both Eric and I really like it.  They have great food and we've never had a problem with service or anything along those lines.  It's always been clean.  The only downfall is that it's in a pretty inconvenient location in this tourist trap of a town.  So tonight had to be the worst experience of customer service I've encountered in a restaurant in years.  I'm really disappointed too because I really like this restaurant and hope it's not a sign of things to come. 

I hesitate in naming the restaurant because this is the first of many visits we've made to it where we were dissatisfied with our treatment.  I'm grateful that this wasn't our first visit or this would be all I had to go on.  We'll frequent this restaurant in the future but probably not again until the autumn season.  I'd rather just avoid all the heavy traffic in that part of the city during the tourist season.  The owner doesn't know that we had already made that decision before we walked into the restaurant.  He knows we're in there often, he recognizes us each time we go in, but this will let him sweat for a while. 

I work in a huge customer service heavy field and I wish more people cut us some slack when we made an error.  (Alas, that's not likely to happen anytime soon.)  For whenever one experiences lousy customer service one soon forgets that one is not perfect, him or herself.  I am quite positive that those who complain have at one point in their lives, but most important to this post, in their jobs made a mistake.  I wish people understood that in my experience when one makes a mistake in their job or in their execution of customer service that they do in fact feel badly about it.  They don't need to be berated or made to feel even more lousy than they do already.  Drawing attention to the lack of service is adequate enough.  Most often one will offer a solution to try to correct the situation or compensate for it, all on their own without the complainer having to ask.  It's those people who are compelled to bank on the situation who piss me off and make me loathe my job some days.  My mind is boggled that someone can judge and treat another human being for being just that, human.  Like I said, there are very few people who work in customer service just to ruin another person's experience or day. 

So next time you experience poor customer service, by all means draw attention to it in hopes to have the behavior corrected but maybe give a little grace will ya?  Maybe that person works two or three jobs to make ends meet and feed their kids, so maybe they are exhausted.  Maybe they have their mind somewhere else and are having a hard time getting it back to the task at hand but don't have the luxury of blowing off a shift to sort their own stuff out.  Maybe they are taking the slack for someone elses bad work habits but because they are the 'frontline' employee, they take the blame.  Who knows the reason, but the odds are it wasn't done maliciously.  So be kind in your complaining.  Please.  You have the right to choose not to go back to that establishment but don't tarnish or badmouth the business and potentially put someone out of job because of an innocent mistake.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Put a Cork in it, Will Ya???

I stumbled over some corking projects on Pinterest and I thought, hey I can handle that!  So I went out and bought me-self a glue gun!  It's a shitty glue gun but live and learn (since it only cost me 5 bucks, you get what you pay for).  It does the trick, it just makes me work harder to get the hot, lava-like glue out of the gun.  I like to pretend it's toughening up my crafty skin.  And third degree burns are all the rage now right? 

Anywhos, I messaged the two biggest wine-o's I know, Jodi and Margie to inquire if they were corked wine girls or screw top wine girls.  They didn't disappoint the trash magnet in me and responded with the screw top kind of girls.  Thankfully Margie's mom came through in the end.   Probably about two - three hundred corks 'coming through in the end'.  So a cork craftin' this girl went! 

 I made a couple initial cork 'wreath-like' projects.  One for the Jodster (A is for Anderson) and one for the source of the corks, mama Pat (T is for Thompson).  And then I found an old picture frame that Gage had knocked off the wall and I decided to make my friend Gill (another wine-o) a real, genuine cork board for her house.  Now she can properly mix her wine fetish with her role as a mom and pin her children's artwork on it! 
I had to buy the wood letters and the glue sticks so the letter projects cost me around $10 each.  But the cork board for Gill was FREE!!!!  Three projects for a total of twenty bones and I still have the glue gun to show for it and a bunch of unused glue sticks to rendevous with at a later date (or when my burn blisters heal).  Oh and of course about two hundred more corks!  I'm probably being generous in suggesting I used a hundred corks on these three projects.

Thursday, April 26, 2012


So awhile ago I stumbled across a blog showcasing "before and after's".  I'm not going to minimize how much I love 'before and after' photos.  Home reno's, plastic surgeries, reconstructions, upcycling, etc.  Doesn't really matter to me.   I find everything about 'before and afters' appealing. 

So after months of perusing Lindsey's page Better After and finishing the first project of my new crafting hobby,  I got up the nerve to email her and ask if she'd consider showcasing my doggy bed transformation on her website.  (I hate rejection so this was quite difficult for me!)  Today I opened my email to see this:

Hi Holly! 
I've seen pet bed makeovers before, but yours is totally unique!  I just love the shape and how it turned out.  I'd be happy to feature you, thank you so much for sharing! :)

UHM HAI!!!!!  I'm gonna be featured on Lindsey's most amazing, respected and widely read blog!  Go me!  I'm a little bit pleased as punch.  For reals.  It's a good night.

Monday, April 23, 2012


Every five years since forever, but more important to me, since I was licensed in my field (cause frankly I really don't give a care who went before it existed to me) we have to converge at a big motel in Toronto and spend two days doing seminars and workshops to maintain our licenses.  In reality it's basically just a class reunion, college style.  The lectures are relatively boring and out of the six I have to sit through I might pick up one or two great tips or ideas.  The rest are just daydreaming fodder.  It's the time spent after the lectures that's the most fun for me.  Hanging out with the people I went to college with.  I only keep in touch with a select few, and that was even before the invention of Facebook.  Now I guess I keep in touch with a few additional people than my original few. 

Tomorrow night, I head to the T dot to take in my last college reunion and probably my last slumber party with Gilly-bean.  The Board of Funeral Services has decided to forgo the annual Post Grad festivities in lieu of wickedly awesome online courses (can you see my eyes rolling?).  Like we don't spend enough time in front of computers (quality time spent blogging about this disappointment).  Ho hum. 

So I'll try to remember to bring my camera, as this will be the last time I will see most of these peeps and I'll try not to black out from the booze.  I actually enjoy going to Post Grad even if I feign disinterest.  That's all for pretend.  Cause the cool kids aren't supposed to dig it.  Ya know?  But I do.  Mainly I like to figure out which of my class mates aren't there and really take in the very few who stayed in the profession after 5 years, 10 years and now 15 years.  And the numbers are getting fewer and fewer. 
So here's to another 5 years behind us and me still looking young and spritely.  (Is spritely a word?) 

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your college class is running the country.

Each cup of tea represents an imaginary voyage.

I'm in the process of creating a working space for me in Eric's office because I'm feeling the desire to tackle a larger scaled craft.  I have some ideas and I've got some materials waiting in the wings for me to get inspired to work on.  I figure with a nice neat and tidy crafting space I shall find that inspiration. 
For now my little craft projects are doing the trick of keeping me busy.

I made another teacup bird feeder.  This one was done with a twist.  I had an old candle sconce that I no longer used, as I'd hung photos up in it's place and didn't really have the proper wall space for it any longer.  I thought with the somewhat flat candle spot on the sconce it would be ideal for a sweet little teacup and saucer.  And I was right it turned out pretty good.  Eric's mom Jill was the recipient of this particular craft.  Funny, she had no idea I had made this for her or that I happened to be bringing it to her on Sunday but she had an entire box of tea cups and saucers waiting for me to take home if I wanted more for crafting.  I did.  So now I'll make some more of the stake bird feeders for my garden at different heights.  And I'll probably give some away too.  I think that's the part I like the most about it away.  The recipients probably aren't as happy about it as I am, but so far they've faked it nicely! 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Kitty Bunk Beds

Hello faithful readers!

I am so pleased to announce that I've completed two more crafty projects!  Only one is getting highlighted here because my house is its permanent home and the other is being gifted to someone so I'll wait to post about it until it's delivered to its forever home. 

Because I was so pleased with the outcome of my doggy bed project for Margie's sweet Boston Terrior Elliott, I (with the encouragement of Roan) decided to keep my eyes open for potential prospects to make a kitty bed for our house. 

Eric came across a similar table to the one used in the first project but instead of an octagon top, it's a round top and (I think) a little bit taller.  It sat in my craft room for a week or so before I got to it and Oliver took up residence.  I hope he likes the finished project just as much! 

So I followed the same steps as the first project by removing the doors and hardware and giving it a light sanding this time instead of peeling off all the veneer.  Also, because my living room isn't nearly as bright as Margie's I used more muted tones. 

I'm still trying to decide if I should do any sort of stenciling on it or just leave it plain like it currently is.  I'm a pretty plain girl.  It's been moved into my living room as that's the room I had in  mind for it when I created it.

So the table cost me $5.00 at Value Village.  The paint I used was the same paint I painted my living room with so that was free.  The material I used for the padded beds was left over material from my curtains when I converted them into blinds so that too was free!  And the stuffing I used on the padded beds came from old throw pillows I had laying around that were just taking up space.  Again, FREE!  All in all, this bed cost me nothing but the time I invested into redoing it. The only other thing I'm contemplating doing is adding a strip of velcro to the top of the bed so the top pillow doesn't fall off each time the cats jump down.  It hasn't so far, so if it doesn't become a problem, I won't bother. 
Not a bad finish considering I only spent about 4 hours total on this project.  It matches my living room perfectly. From the matching wall colour to the matching beds/blinds.  A sweet addition to my mono-chrome home!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Poor Working Boy

So this morning, Eric, Jon, Ryan and I went for breakfast over to the Egg and I.  Following breakfast while the guys stood outside to smoke I noticed they had a help wanted sign in the window.  Cooks, waitstaff and dishwashers. 

I wandered back inside and ended up correctly speaking to the manager.  I inquired about their means of application, etc.  Of course, I was thinking about a potential job for Gage.  She told me to bring Gage in tomorrow morning to meet her and she'd have him work tomorrow to see if it's something he could handle as it can be a lot of work with only one person. 

The Egg and I is close enough to our house that it wouldn't be an issue for him to ride his bike.  It also wouldn't be a pain for me to drop him at work either (ie. Clifton Hill).  They close at 3 p.m. so no late nights waiting to go pick him up from work and no afterschool shifts to interfere with the abundance of homework he does each night (I really wish there was a rolling the eyes emoticon).  He would work each Saturday and Sunday.  And he'd be out in time to have a nap and still be able to hang with his friends in the evenings. 

So, mama-bear got him the job, let's hope Gagey-bear can hang on to it!

Soundtrack of His Life

My sister gave me a copy of the four disc compilation she made up for the funeral home to play in the background during my dad's visitation period.  It consists of songs we know our father loved and songs that remind us of him. 

I was only able to start listening to them this week.  The car is usually the worst place for me because I'm alone with my thoughts.  But that's where the cds live now.  In the car.

Random, repeat, one sided conversations.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

For Christmas we gave Jill and Larry an electric Fondue set.  It's hard to buy for them.  If you ask for ideas, they have none (I'm sticking my tongue out at you Jill!) and if they want something they just go buy it themselves.  So, that being said trying to come up with Christmas ideas can be somewhat of a challenge.  I came across the Fondue set and a Fondue cook book and thought they might dig that idea. 

So on Chris' birthday we had a chocolate fondue dessert with different fruits.  It was pretty great I'm not gonna lie.  But it was so much more entertaining to watch Gage be a total glutton. 

After gorging on the fruit and cleaning off that tray Gage thought it would be an interesting combination to mix a dill pickle with the chocolate fondue.  Let's chalk that up for a candidate in the "Seemed like a good idea at the time" section of life. 

The pickle being coated in chocolate even looked disgusting.  I'm not sure why or how he thought this might be a great combination.

A little hesitation on his part, right before he ran into the backyard to spit the contents of his mouth over the fence.

And a little rinsing of the mouth...

Let 'Em Rip!

To say that Roan is infatuated with Bey Blades would be making an understatement.  He's in complete hyper-focus when it comes to these spinning toys.  I never thought in a million years that his interest would have lasted as long as it has and frankly, there is no end in sight.  He talks about his Bey battles all the time and what blades are the strongest.  He tells me he believes in the spirits of the blades and he believes he is a Leone (leo).  I think I've broken his heart a little by telling him he is not, infact, a Leo but he's so sure he is, I've stopped being a rainy day on his parade.  There are some days where I'm sure he's going to pass out (from not breathing) because he doesn't stop talking about them long enough to take a breath.  BUT, he will sit for hours playing with these things (by himself and with friends) so I really can't complain.  He's pretty much required to use his imagination when he plays with them too as they really are just spinning tops.

 A couple of weeks ago we ventured to Eric's parents for a dinner to celebrate Chris' (Eric's brother) birthday.  The weather was so unremarkable during March that we actually got to BBQ and eat outside.  We suggested to Roan to bring some of his Bey Blades with him to help keep him entertained.  So he did, and what a wonderful surprise when he was able to rope the majority of the party attendants into an arena battle.  I think this particular afternoon gave Roan a glimpse into what his own personal Heaven would be like. 

He gave lessons to the newbies on how important it was to rip the cords fast, the different in the tips, which ones were defensive and which were offensive.  I mean it, this kid's world revolves around these things.  He's just looking for a new person to talk about them with.  Larry wasn't immediately pro so he just out and out cheated, and Felix didn't give two shits. 

Larry and Denis - the newbies

Larry the cheater

Felix not caring at all.


Just a recent photo of us.  It's been a while since we've had a new one.

The Tribe Has Spoken

We've come to the conclusion that after losing both Tabouleh and Nika within a month of each other the other cats have decided they are in a game of Kitty Survival.  It's an all out, who can be cuter and loved the most so as not to get tossed from the island. 

I have a hard time making the bed when they are all adorable like this. They don't seem to care that this positioning makes sleeping comfortably for us HOO-mans difficult.  Our kitties are the best.  For reals.


In March LB and I started the first of our 'concert' series this year.  We went to listen to Mr. Henry Rollins (formerly of Black Flag and Rollin's Band) doing a speaking engagement in Buffalo.  I've seen him in concert when he fronted Rollin's Band and now I've seen two of his speaking engagements.  I'm not sure what it is about this man, but I seriously crush on him.  He's just getting better and better with age. 

Anyway, nothing titilating to tell you about the show, just that we went and if the opportunity ever presents itself to you it would be in your best interest to check him out.  He's smart and funny and clever and nice.  An overall decent human being who is doing GREAT things for the world.  (And he handled a heckler remarkably well, with wit, decorum and a little bit of 'go fuck yourself shithole' attitude.  But he did it all with a smile and that made him more endearing.)  If you can't see him live do yourself a favour and check out some of his stuff on Youtube.  He a self-admitted work whore who even showed up on Season 2 of RuPaul's Drag Race.  I loved him a little more that day. 

Monday, April 9, 2012

Put Some Clothes on Those Windows!

A couple of weeks ago I got the brilliant inspiration/desire to 'redo' my living curtains.  I've had these curtains for the entire 5 years I've been in this house and for three years at the house prior.  I felt like it was time for a change, but I still loved the material.  I wasn't up to redoing my entire living room because frankly I don't mind it and we have a few other large projects that come first.  I figured I could turn the current panel drapes into something more modern (I suppose) so I started cutting.

And then I lost all interest.  So we lived in a fishbowl house for a couple of weeks while I tried to talk myself into finishing the project I'd stalled out on.  Eric wandered downstairs one night before bed to find this in the living room with the lights glaring, front door unlocked, no curtains for the whole world and even a potential pedophile to see...

So needless to say I got inspired to finish what I had started.  Turns out when I bought my ribbon to tie the blinds, I didn't bother to calculate that I was actually making FIVE blinds instead of only covering the previous four windows.  Live and learn.  I now have tons of lovely ribbon to use on future craft projects!  Bonus!  And since I couldn't use the ribbon, I just made ties out of the same material.  So this entire project cost me NOTHING!!!  Pretty good deal if I do say so myself.

Not too sure how I feel about them but I'm pretty sure they'll look 50% better once Eric builds me a sweet built in window bench.  Do y'all agree?  

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Our Last Conversation

Dad:  Wake me when he gets here.
Me:  OK, I'll do that, get some rest.  I love you. 
Dad:  Love you too.

One year ago on this day, at this time (3:36 p.m.  I happened to glance at the clock to see what time it was because we were waiting for the priest to come and give him his last rites.  I don't know the actual exact time he passed away, but I know the exact time he said his last words.) was the last time I heard his voice.  God, I miss that voice. 

Happy Easter Dad, wherever you are.  We love you and miss you.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Three Little Words

Unsolicitated "I love you's" from a 15 year old son who's normally too cool for school are a lovely silver lining.  Especially when he's not looking for something or aware of how shitty my night has been.  Just a genuine, I love you. 

Thanks buddy.  I love you too.

Phone Calls at Midnight

One year ago today, my dad called me at midnight and asked me to come back to the hospital to sit with him through the night.  He didn't need me to bring anything but me.  I remember his exact words and they engulf me with a huge pang of grief.  I had about an hour and a half of sleep under my belt when the telephone rang.  Not going was not an option.  He would have done anything he could have for me and now it was my turn to pay it back. 

I remember driving back to the hospital, it had only been about three hours since I'd driven home from there.  I remember thinking horrible thoughts in my mind en route.  I remember crying with the helplessness I felt.  I remember worrying about what was going through his mind.  It was crystal clear being alone with his thoughts wasn't something he enjoyed.  I wondered if he knew something we didn't.  Was he trying to get in as much time with us as possible or was he merely relying on us to help whittle away his restless hours when he had no visitors?  I remember thinking how lucky I was to be able to skip out on work the next day so I could sit with him through the night.  All this in only a 7 minute car ride.  I tried my best to pull myself together before walking into his room, for his sake. 

I remember just having casual conversation about the usual stuff.  I remember thinking during the entire mundane conversation that I wanted to ask him how he was truly feeling but afraid it would be too hard for him to talk about his true thoughts with his daughter.  I remember how nice the nurse was to us that night and how accommodating she was to me when I told her I wasn't leaving.  I remember watching Saturday Night Live with him.  I remember massaging and rubbing lotion on his sore back and exercising his feet and legs.  I remember constantly running to get him warm blankets and tucking him back in over and over because he was so restless and uncomfortable.  I remember sitting for three hours just watching him sleep, so grateful that some sleep, any sleep came to him.  I remember thinking how horrible it was that our roles had reversed and now I was watching him sleep (like he'd done with me as his child), feeling relief that for a short period of time he wasn't hurting or caught up in his own mind.   I remember taking some time while he slept to write him a note about how I felt about him and how much I loved and respected him in his little visitors journal he was keeping.  I remember thinking, I'm always better when I can write stuff down, rather than actually trying to speak all my thoughts (I've never been so grateful to write anything down in my entire life and I'm so relieved I did it.  I know that he read every word and knew how I felt without a doubt).  I remember when he woke up and he immediately looked for me and then smiled at me and said, "hey honey", clearly happy to see me sitting right where he'd left me.   I remember him asking me who was standing behind me when it was only a wall and me thinking has 'someone' come to take him from us??? I remember hoping it was only the drugs making him see things, but he asked me a couple of times about the man standing behind me.  I didn't know then what we'd come to find out a mere four days later...perhaps he was seeing his father.  I'm not sure we'll ever know.  I then remember getting up the courage to ask him how he was really doing and forcing him to address his thoughts with me.  I'm sure he was still sugar coating it for my sake.  He was bummed about all the stuff he was going to be leaving behind, and sad to not be around to share in his children's lives and watch his grandchildren grow , and angry at himself for all the hardships he had done to his body to cause this.  He was feeling helpless that there wasn't anything he could do for us going forward.  He was frustrated with the system and how the doctor's had failed him.  He was frustrated with the lack of use of his legs.  He was worried about my mom, and he was worried about all of us for different reasons.  He was grateful for his family, all of them.  He wanted to see every one of his siblings and they all put whatever shit they had going on between them aside and came to be by his side.  They're dedication during his hospital stay never waivered.  He told me how loved he felt and was a little sad that it took the big C to finally know how much his siblings and family respected him, flaws and all. 

We had the best talk.  I can't look back on it with regret.  I raised the difficult question and like I said, I'm sure he sugar coated a lot of it to protect me, but I feel ok because I asked.  I made him talk to me.  Maybe that's not what he was looking for when he called me.  Maybe I failed him at keeping his mind off of things, but if that's the case, he never tipped me off or asked me to stop talking to him about serious stuff.  The lingering questions about his frame of mind will likely always haunt me but I think that's mainly because I was helpless to bring him peace. 

I am going to always cherish that night and hold our conversations and time together close to my heart.  I still have a hard time believing he's gone.  I find it surreal that it's already creeping up on a year now.  I look back on the past year and think about the stuff that's happened and happening in our lives and think of the things that would have made him laugh, yell, cringe, roll his eyes, shout with joy, cheer loudly, and given him something to look forward to.  I know he's missed by many.  It's pretty clear how much he's missed in my house though.  There is a permanent hole here and I'm pretty sure that's not going away anytime soon.  This is a profound sense of loss for us and some days the loss is consuming.  Today is one of those days.

I've never appreciated getting woken up at midnight, having to get dressed and venture out into the early springtime chill more than on April 5th 2011.  Thanks for the phone call dad.  It was good to hear your voice.  I love you.

Out of Control

I've bitten off more than I can chew.  I wish there were more hours and energy in my days.  I have too many projects on the go right now and I can't bring myself to finish ANY of them!!!  Gah. 

I'm making a vow right now, to be more dedicated and get things accomplished (you know, starting tomorrow).  One baby step at a time.  But I really have to start checking some shit off my list.  People are waiting on me and I don't like that!!

Long Overdue

Dear Ex-husband:


Please don't ever forget that again.  And if you do, please read over your current Divorce papers again. 

Your first ex-wife