Monday, April 30, 2012

We Don't Get to Choose...

Every family, even though it is made up of individual members, results in a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Unique behaviors cause a family to develop its own unique set of rules and family members develop their own distinct roles.  Many have heard of the various roles I'm talking about that develop within a family unit.  In a DYSFUNCTIONAL family some examples are:

The Caretaker:
The sibling(s) who tends to everyone else's needs.

The Hero (or “the responsible one”):
This siblings did/does well in school, work, athletics, etc.  He/she gives the family a sense of self-esteem.  Often swoops in to save the day for another member of the family. 

The Scapegoat (AKA: the black sheep of the family):
Has problems with authority within and out of the family.  Often has behavior problems and therefore many of the family problems get blamed on this particular sibling(s).

The Mascot (or “family cheerleader”):
The class clown of siblings.  Gains the attention of the rest of the family through laughter. Provides the family with a diversion from the group problems.

The Lost Child (or “the quiet one”):
The sibling(s) grows to isolate him/herself from the rest of the family and tends to be very low maintenance.

It's interesting...I can put each one of my dad's siblings into one of these five categories.  Some categories would have more than others.  I also find it interesting that despite 9 people in his family it's only come down to an issue that's transpired in the past two years between two of the nine to destroy the closeness that we all shared.  Will I be surprised if we are never all in the same room again? Not at all.  Will I be surprised that my father's funeral will be the last recorded time all were in the same room again civilly?  Pretty sad, but yes, that will surprise me.  And let it not go without saying that it would be one of the most disappointing things to him as well. 

Do I expect one side of the party to cave and suck it up?  No, not at all.  It's just shitty it's come down to this.  That people don't realize that the result of their actions affect the whole of the group, not just themselves.  The whole effect is greater than the sum of the parts, remember? 

I will do my utmost best to remain "Switzerland" as one might say, but I have my thoughts on it and they're not that nice.  I used to be proud to say I came from a DYSFUNCTIONAL family, now I'm almost ashamed. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh Holly this is so terribly sad and yet so true in both our families...both our Fathers must be very disappointed in the way things have turned out. Love you xoxo