The Other F Word

Eric and I watched a documentary the other night called "The Other F Word", and it's about old punkers we grew up listening to who are now Fathers (spoiler alert, that's the other F word).  It was genuinely endearing and I would highly recommend a watching.  But in an interview with Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers he made a comment (which also made him cry, d'aw) that kind of blew my mind (it doesn't take much, seriously).  He said (and I'm ad libbing as I'm doing it from memory), 'There's a saying that parents often yell at/to their children along the lines of "I gave you life...blah, blah, blah".  But I feel quite the opposite.  My kids gave me life.  Without them I am nothing.'  Whoa.  Who knew Flea was such a softy? 

Seriously though, I'm notorious for preaching to people the importance of picking your battles, thus treating your kids the way you, yourself, want and expect to be treated.  I think it's easier to tear a child down than to build them up.  And as humans we tend to resort to the easiest route.  I'm doing my damnedest to try to build my kids up.  Sometimes at the chagrin of other adults around me, but whatever, they're my kids and I need to be able to sleep at night knowing I've treated them well.  Don't get me wrong if they need a proper tearing down, I'll be the first one leading the troops in to do just that.  I just think sometimes parents take their kids for granted and that makes me sad.  So it was super nice to hear Flea sum up his feelings the way he did.  I feel the same.  My kids are my everything even if they don't always believe it.

A Day at the Range

I've honestly never had much of an opinion on guns and all the negative social stigmas of them or the positive attributes either.  I never grew up around them nor was I close to anyone who was a staunch believer of either argument regarding the right to bare arms.  I don't have one in my house and I doubt I ever will (I guess that's an invitation to anyone to safely break into my home), but I don't really believe that guns are the root of all evil (kind of like Pit Bulls and their bad owners argument if you will).  I allowed my children to play with toy guns (much to my mother's chagrin) and I even play Call of Duty with them.  I'll admit, I thoroughly enjoy shooting Nazi Zombies in the head (I'm quite good at the head shots, I tell ya!).  All that being said it never crossed my mind that I might enjoy shooting a real gun.  I might really like the heavy weight of the cool metal in my hand (as opposed to the curved plastic of a PS3 controller) and the power of the recoil as I put pressure on the trigger...

But, about a year ago my sister in law, Anita tweaked my curiosity when she spent an open evening at the gun range shooting at targets.  Now that the possibility and idea had been presented to me, in a round about way, I was intrigued.  So, I looked quite seriously into doing it with Eric and my boys, but there were two strikes against me;  no one under 14 was permitted to shoot a gun and Eric got switched to afternoons and then midnights.  I was in the process of trying to sort out how to take Gage and not Roan when Eric's shifts went all wonky so the problem was somewhat solved.  We wouldn't be going. 

Fast forward to the end of November this past year and me opening my email to find a Groupon sitting there that finally caught my eye.  A $100 lesson/gun shooting package for 40 bucks at Silverdale Gun Club!  I immediately sought out more information and found out that Roan would be allowed to shoot the guns provided an adult was with him.  So I bought 4 packages for Christmas gifts and immediately booked it so we wouldn't be waiting too long to get out to the range.

The day arrived following a blustery, cold week and both Eric and Gage woke up with flu-like symptoms.  Grrrr-ate!  So bitchy Holly kicked into high gear and forced those two Donald-downers into winter clothes, then the van and drugged them each enough to put a goddamn smile on their faces for a few hours.  I was hoping the guns in hand would help them forget their woe's.

I've never held a real gun in my hand let alone a loaded gun that I was going to actually fire.  I'm going to admit, it was pretty empowering.  Included in the package was 200 rounds of ammunition each and the opportunity to shoot a couple 22 caliber Smith &Wessons, a 9mm Glock and a rifle.  Thankfully with the sun out, the day didn't seem so cold.  I had a blast (pun kind of intended, and so did all three of the boys!).

I know there's a lot of controversy around guns and exposing them to kids and what not, but that's not what this post is about.  The idea behind this day was about doing something we've never done before as a family unit and most importantly, something the boys would WANT to do.  The instructor was awesome.  He was personable, extremely knowledged and strict when it came to gun safety and both boys followed his instructions to a tee.  We all had a really good time together and we created memories with each other, so please save the lectures about guns and kids.  We really enjoyed ourselves and took lots of video and pictures.  All of the staff we encountered that day were really friendly and helpful and they let the boys keeps some shells and our targets at the end of the day. 

Roan was intimidated by the Glock 9 mm because of it's strong 'recoil' but I think it was a fan favourite for the rest of us.  Roan loved shooting the rifle with the scope.  I think if we had allowed him he would have only shot that particular gun over and over.  At the end of the day, Roan had completely decimated the bulls eye of his target from the sniper rifle.  There wasn't a piece of paper left in it.  The rest of us laid a beating on the centre circle of our own targets as well. 

 

 

This was definitely something all four of us would like to do again and it was well worth braving the cold day and looking past stomach and head aches for a couple of hours.  Despite the bitter temperatures the memories leave a warm spot in my heart.  I know it's silly as they were guns, but the smiles on all our faces were priceless and my kids will always remember doing something they think is cool, like shooting guns, with us (innocently). 

 



   

Is There Anybody Out There?

So as promised, here's my synopsis of my close encounter of a third kind.  While I didn't leave the meeting with any sort of wow factor, I also didn't leave it feeling like he was full of shit.  I didn't leave it with a feeling of fulfillment either, but rather a hollow (with a tiny hint of disappointment) feeling.  I guess I believed what he told me would be of a more personal nature.  I'm not sure though that that's the best way to explain what I was expecting. 

I need to state off the hop that at no point did I get the feeling from this particular Medium that he was a flake, crazy or nuts in any way.  I was most comfortable with him.  I didn't think he was pulling my leg and I got the sincere feeling that he is passionate about his gift.  He made me feel comfortable right from the start and explained to me how he, himself, deciphers and speaks with the spirit world and let me know I was always free to ask questions and to tell him if something didn't make sense to me.   And I need you to know that I have never done anything like this before (aside from mine and Eric's palm reading sesh with the quack), so I had zero knowledge of what to expect from it.   The Long Island Medium has probably killed it for me though.  She always pulls out so much personal stuff that she wouldn't, shouldn't and couldn't know, I guess I was hoping for expecting the same from this meeting.  I didn't get what I was looking for, which has lead to my hint of disappointment.

So here goes, from what I can remember (I taped it but the MP3 player ran out of memory part way through our session. Lets hope I didn't too!).

He started by taking my hands and instantly was taken aback and told me his heart was racing.  No clue if that's normal (didn't sound like it) but he did mention for me to relax and calm down (I wasn't feeling anxious or nervous so who knows what he was picking up from me).  He then stated that I had an abundance of spirits around me and asked me if I had experienced a lot of death in my life.  I stated, "Not personally."  It took him a moment to try to sort them out and decide who he would speak with first.  He then asked me what I did for a living and once explained he was able to understand and rationalize the large number of spirits around me.  He first did a run through of my personality (which was pretty bang on) and told me I was sometimes too trustworthy but at the same time he reiterated to always trust my gut, good or bad, because I was usually dead on (no pun intended). 

Next we moved on to the spirit world.  He threw a couple of names at me that made zero sense to me but then stated it seems they are spirits of people I looked after through work (easy cop out no?).  He told me spirits will use me as a go between during the first few days following their death as I'm in touch with them as well as their families during that time period.  He also told me that when I'm working on a deceased person (embalming, dressing, cosmetizing, etc) that the spirit of that person is with me watching me work.  It's funny because I've always felt like that was the case throughout my career - I didn't bother mentioning this to him.).  They aren't with me to make sure I'm doing a good job, but more so to come to terms with the fact that they have died.  He said sometimes the spirits come home with me (I've never felt this).  He said the spirits were telling him that I was extremely good at my job (I am) and they didn't see a career change in my future as this is what I'm meant to do.  They did mention that I would soon be in a position to take over the funeral home I currently work for (Yeah, don't see that happening uhm, ever).  And when this opportunity arises, I will find the financial backing and full support of my friends and family.  I have no desire whatssoever to own a funeral home.  I like leaving work at work and home at home.  They then mentioned a co-worker who suffers from extreme halitosis (that's true!) and told me that particular person is dying of intestinal problems and is basically rotting from within.  This particular person's health is failing.  (Again, true.)  He also said the funeral home is haunted and in particular, there is a priest/minister that roams between the two churches and still conducts services.  There happens to be a church on either side of the funeral home and the funeral home itself used to be a church manse, so that is completely feasible. 

Next we moved on to more personal things.  He asked me what was going on with my mother.  When I stated nothing, he pressed the issue and said there is something going on with my mother. I mentioned at this point that her husband had died(?).  He told me my mother wasn't handling his death well and if she didn't stay active and involved in other aspects of her life that her grief would turn into depression and it would consume her.  Then he told me my dad had joined us, yet I didn't feel like he was present.  He said when my mom cries, my dad is with her.  She can't feel him because she is too consumed in her pain of this loss instead of the good memories they shared together to feel him.  He said it's my role to help her through this, not as a funeral director but as a daughter (ya, thanks).  He said my dad asked about my brother and wanted to know where he was.  I stated he was either at home or at work.  He said my dad mentioned that my brother would do well in his job.  The Medium then asked what it was my brother did and I mentioned he had recently opened his own comic store.  He again stated the business would develop and Geoff should look at ways to expand it outside the four walls of the store itself and to also pay closer to attention when customers are in the store to help curb theft.  He then asked about a woman connected to my brother.  I stated perhaps his wife, he said no it was a woman who came into the store that was trying to or would try to seduce him and my brother should remain strong and firm.  My dad also told me to tell my brother to keep the lines of communication open with his wife at all times, to continue to talk opening with each other - be it good or bad.  He then mentioned a little girl who my dad spends a lot of time with.  He said she sees him and he wants my brother to know my dad is there with her. 

Then he said we could finally talk about me which is what I was waiting the whole time for.  He said my dad was worried about me and my health and told me that I don't take care of myself properly.  If I keep venturing down this road I'm going to get very sick.  I need to stop focusing on taking care of others and start tending to myself.  The Medium mentioned something was wrong with my dad's heart.  I said I wasn't aware, but thought he might have had high cholesterol.  He said he did have heart issues, but that is not what caused his death.  He said my dad never expected to be taken so quickly and it was still a shock to him.  He also told me my dad was trying to get me a message so I would know it was him.  He mentioned a butterfly and then a tattoo.  I stated that I used to have a butterfly tattoo but it has since been covered over.  He then told me I have a lot of tattoos, but only ever that one butterfly (all of my tattoos were completely covered).  He then said my dad kept bringing up a girl I knew who had passed away by the name of Sarah when I was 16.  I have no clue what he was talking about. He told me that my dad comes to my work and asked if I had ever seen him there.  I said, no.  He mentioned that he is still wearing a bomber style brown suede jacket (just like he used to).  He told me if I wanted my dad around all I had to do was call his name.  He then asked me if I had any questions for my dad which totally caught me off guard, so sadly, no. 

He then mentioned that there was an older woman who I had met at the funeral home when she came in for a visitation but has since passed away herself that wanted to speak to me.  She wanted to thank me for looking after her and her family so well at her passing and wanted to inform me that the person I am currently with is a good fit and we will be happy for a long time.  And then that was the end of my session. 

So here's my take on it:

How come my dad didn't bring up either of my boys?  The kids he was so extremely close to.  How come my dad didn't mention my sister at all?  And she's the one who lives with my mother.  How come there was no mention of Sebastian the grandchild he worried most about?  How come when my dad brought up my tattoo he didn't mention the fact that I took him to get his one and only tattoo or that I'd gotten a tattoo in his memory of a Coke bottle?  ...Something more obscure than a typical butterfly tattoo on a girl?  One of the many tattoos he would have rarely seen because of its placement on my body.  How come my dad didn't want to talk to me about personal stuff or touchy feely stuff like my dad would have done had he been alive?  How come he talked about some girl neither he or I knew?  How come he didn't call me Doll or Darling or tell me he loves me?  I guess I just expected something more personal from a man who has known me my whole life.  

And I guess I was bummed too that there was no appearance from a very dear friend, Andrew.  Not even a mention of him.  I was kind of hoping my dad would have run across him at some point.  Instead I'm bombarded with a bunch of spirits who came into my life very briefly.  Maybe I was looking for some sort of closure from both parties and walked away feeling jipt.  I guess I really like the idea that the potential to converse with either of them again exists in some way.  After last night, I wasn't really feeling like that was possible.  So disappointed this girl remains.  *Sad face*

Seeking Something Beyond

So the opportunity has finally fallen into my lap where I'll get the chance to sit in front of a psychic medium and see what all this hooplah is about.  The idea of psychics and mediums intrigues me but of course being a 'science girl by nature' I'm skeptical.  I want, I want, I want so badly to believe in the after life so I'm a little nervous that this meeting isn't going to give me the results I'm so desperately longing for. 

Of course it should go without saying that I'm hoping my father will make an appearance but it would also be pretty cool if one of my best friend's Andrew did as well.  I guess I'm just hoping this medium blows me away with a whole lot of gasps and oohs and ahs and "how'd he know that?'s".  I worry that I'm putting too much stock into this and I'm just going to walk away $60.00 poorer and more disappointed.  I'm worried that my hopes will be dashed. 

The negative Nellie in me is suggesting that I go in with zero expectations that way I'll either walk out smug and arrogant saying, "Ya, I knew nothing would come of it." or I'll be mindfucked (which would be crazy awesome).  I'll keep you posted! 

Have you gone to a psychic or medium and gotten good results? 

Band of Horses

I don't often talk about bands or concerts because I'm not a music reviewer nor am I good at summing up my experiences with bands in an eloquent way, but every once in a while I feel like I should write something.  Because, in my opinion (which is always ever so humble) I genuinely believe that every person should be listening to Band of Horses.  Even if you're into metal or hard shit, they are still a band worth listening to (you know when you're going to bed or having a bubble bath - cause we all know you hardcore dudes love your bubble baths.)  While I'm not an expert in music, I do know what I like and love I guess.  And I love Band of Horses, I have since the very first time I heard them (thanks Chunk). 

I've had the privilege of seeing them live a couple of times now and I know with certainty that I shall see them again.  I don't think I'll ever get enough of them - live or recorded.  It's pretty rare for a band to almost bring me to tears when I listen to them live.  Ben Bridwell does that to me.  He has an amazing voice and great song writing capabilities.  I went to see them on Wednesday night with Lesley (my concert partner for the most part.) at Massey Hall in Toronto (also an amazing venue for an amazing band) and they didn't disappoint. 

Band of Horses live is a must see.  They alter the songs just enough for you to know you are not listening to a track or tape and to give you a chance to fall in love with their songs all over again.   They remain close enough to the recorded versions for you to not be second guessing what song it is or wondering why they had to butcher a great thing.  And they genuinely looked like they were having the best time with each other playing as a band on stage.  And watching their interaction between these guys made me like them as human beings even if I only caught a mere glimpse into their relationship.  They seem like guys I'd love to hang out and have beers with.    They came across as decent, fun people, with mad talent and appeared to be real friends. 

This video is a version of the song that almost brought me to tears a couple nights ago (this isn't from the actual show I was at, but it's preformed the same way we saw it).  I immediately think of my children when I hear this song.  And acoustic is my poison.

And here's a version of their encore, which was equally as amazing as the 2 hour show.  Thank you Band of Horses for an awesome evening and more important, in my opinion, incredible music (despite what Eric thinks).  You have yet to truly disappoint me. 

Who Ya Gonna Call?

This past Saturday night I (and one of my co-workers) had the opportunity to participate in a Ghost Hunt inside the four walls of the place I work everyday (minus two days because this is Canada and we have rights) - the funeral home. 

It's been said for years that our building is haunted and if you believe in that sort of thing it kind of makes sense.  I mean, the original building was erected in the 1870's, so there is some history there.  Over time there have been many claimed sightings throughout the building.  A friend of mine is a member of the Paranormal Society of Niagara so we were able to work out a mutually convenient time for their squad of ghost busters to take a very detailed tour of the funeral home with the hopes of uncovering something interesting. 

There is no way I'm going to do the instruments, equipment and tools they used, any justice in my explanation, but they basically try to prove that ghosts exist using science and scientific evidence.  They measured the EMF(?)...EFI(?)... oh man, I feel like it was the name of that pathetic group from the 90's or something like that.  Anywho's, they took base readings of that acronym in each room before the hunt started.  They had some Doppler thingamajig (I'm just making that up, I have no idea what it was) that picked up words in the atmosphere (don't ask me how it worked or challenge me on it, because I have no clue) which was pretty cool, in my opinion.  They had another instrument that measured vibrations or touch.  They took pictures.  And then they had some thing like a static box and they used it as an avenue for the ghosts to talk to us.  It was pretty random at times but I'm not gonna lie something came out of that box that definitely made me sit up straight and pay attention.  There was a couple other things throughout the night that made me go "Hmmmm.", but I'm hoping there are more things we didn't see or hear that also happened.  They have told us it will take about 40 hours for them to go through all the film/footage and tapes of our little jaunt through the funeral home and they'll let us know either way if there is anything strange and out of the ordinary on the recordings.  I'm really hoping there are voices on there that we couldn't hear with our own ears.  How exciting would that be???  I'm trying not to put too much stock in it with the hopes that I'll be pleasantly surprised when they're finished. 
I so badly want to believe in spirits and ghosts and hope if they are proven to be real then the opportunity exists that I might get another chance to have a conversation of sorts with my dad.  I know, I know I'm starting to sound like a freak, but a girl can hang on to some shred of hope right?  So I'll keep you posted on the findings, good or bad.   It's been a strange couple of days there since we did it.  Who knows, maybe we've stirred things up a bit. 

Animal Planet

A few times a year I try to get away for the night to the big city with some of my favourite ladies (and sometimes even a couple of 'gents) for an evening of dancing and drinks. 
I need to make a disclaimer right off the hop that my intentions when I go dancing is to do just that, dance.  Even when I wasn't in a relationship my reasoning was the same.  I love to dance.  I love to lose myself on the dance floor.  I often close my eyes and just feel the music and move.  I don't take much stock of what's going on around me (unless of course there is a train wreck near by and then I won't be able to peel my eyes off her/him), I'm just in the zone. 

Often during all these times I sneak moments to look around and watch it all unfold around me.  The mating dance if you will.  The dance floor can often turn into its own episode of Animal Planet.  On Animal Planet they film it so we, the viewers, can watch the animals stalk their prey on the open terrain.  It's not much different at the bar just more confined quarters.  I can almost, quite literally, see the pheromones emitting from the males when they pounce upon a girl ( the prey).  The energy that exudes from them when they are in hunting form is intense.  They do not take no for an answer very easily, but when they finally do, they just quickly move on to the next.  They probably think they can coerce their way through our force field.  Oh and look out if one of the targeted prey is an easy target or a willing target.  All gloves are off with regards to the other hunters.  The only difference between the bar and Animal Planet is the subjects in one are dressed better than the other (I'll let you decide if I'm talking about the animals or the bar hoppers). 

This past Saturday was no exception to this rule.  The hunters were in fine form on the dance floor and the prey were easily coerced.  I saw a lot of gross 'mating' going on, if you will.  So to the pathetic animals who joined us on the dance floor, I say thank you.  Thank you for providing me with 5 hours of additional entertainment over and above my beloved dancing. 

It's Award Season

I have been seriously lacking any sort of creative juices over the past couple of weeks.  Well creative when it comes to blogging anyway (I was busy making dress shirt pillows for all of my dad's siblings out of his left over dress shirts, so all my creativity went to those I suppose).  I guess I finally understand what writer's block is.  I'm still not really 'feeling it' when it comes to writing but since my friend Jess tagged me in a post, I can use this as an excuse to get my fingers wet again (sitting inside a hurricane should help too).   So I'm going to try really, really hard to come up with more than one word answers.  

So like every blog award (I feel like I've covered this before) there are rules.  There are always stupid rules.  You know, like those dumb skill testing questions that really are too easy, but I feel like they should be harder so I try to find the twist in the question and end up getting it wrong.  I mean, really, it's always 16 isn't it?  Lets get this "Leibster Award" (who comes up with these names?) show on the road, shall we?  I know you're just jonsing for a Holly blog fix by now aren't ya? 

 

 

Here are the Rules:

- Each person tagged must post 11 things about themselves.

- They must also answer the 11 questions the tagger has set for them.

- They must create 11 more questions to ask bloggers they have decided to tag.

- They must then choose 11 bloggers to tag with less than 200 followers.

- These lucky bloggers must be told.

- There are NO TAG BACKS.

 

 

11 things about myself (I'm honestly not sure I can come up with 11 interesting things):

 

1.  I'm 38 and when I let my hair grow and my roots come in there is not one grey hair yet.  Not one.  And I don't mean I plucked it out thus leaving none, I mean that option does not exist for me.  Yet. 

 

2.  I am the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life.  Still nothing I fret too much about.  Sane people get dressed, shower and have relations in the pitch black right?  But I am discovering the reality of 'thickening with age'.  Kind of sucks, but it could be so much worse.  I'm not at a point where I'm willing to sacrifice my food or laziness. 

 

3.  I pre-ordered Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 all by myself.  Like I just took it upon myself to do it.  Eric didn't even know it was coming out.  I pre-ordered it because I cannot wait to play the new Zombies and the new Nuketown boards.  My how the tables have turned. 

 

4.  On Friday, my hair will be fuscia for three days.  Then it will be brown.  But still no grey underneath.  Fuscia.  Yup you read that correct and no I'm not having a mid-life crisis (Oh my god, I'm totally at the point in my life where I'll soon be able to use that as an excuse!!).  I'm sure I'll feel inclined to blog about that later. 

 

5.  When I'm in the car I have to drive.  All the time.  If I don't, I get car sick.  (What am I?  Five?)  It's brutal.  It all started when I was pregnant with Gage and it's just gotten worse through the years.  The only time I'm ok is when I'm driving and even then once in a while the car sick monster wins. 

 

6.  I so badly wanted dark, bamboo floors in my house (I even suffered a near fatal injury over it).  I talked my dad and Eric into putting them in.  And when they are spotless they are beautiful, but with a houseful of people and animals, they suck.  Now I hate them.  Loathe them in fact and want to cover them up but I'm afraid to tell Eric. (Just pretend you're in court and strike that from the record Eric.)

 

7.  I have the patience of a saint, a....a....what has no patience?  A poor excuse for a doctor and this girl (wacka wacka, I said I had no patience not that I was lacking a sharp and witty sense of humour!).   I kind of think Eric hates that about me.  Kind of. 

 

8.  I signed an organ donor card.  But I refuse to give them permission to take my eyes, my skin or my bones.  I'm vain like that.  I know, I know....I'll let someone live a less than stellar life because of my vanity.  I didn't say I was an awesome person (though I am). 

 

9.  I have no actual talent.  Like I can't play an instrument, or do rad tricks on a skateboard, or sing well, or write poetry, or knit or crochet, or build shit, or cook without a recipe, or do a cartwheel on a balance beam.  Yup, I really lack in the skills department. 

10.  I enjoy looking for jobs for other people.  I like perusing the want ads in hopes of finding a listing that speaks to me about someone I know who needs a job.  Then I like to write cover letters and edit resumes and submit them for application on their behalf.  Sometimes they don't even know I do it.  I do not, however, want to search for a job for myself.  Nope, not ever again.  It's way too depressing.

11.  I have had the same pair of black Doc Marten's since 1992.  They still fit me (of course, I was totally done growing by then, yeesh) and on the rare occasion I still wear them.  I can't find it in me to get rid of them yet.  I've had the same pair of black Converse Chucks for 10 years.  I heart them.  They're still my go to shoe of choice.  My dog (who I sometimes hate [that should be #12]) tried to eat them and almost succeeded.  He almost died.  At my hands, not because of the actual ingestion of my shoe. 

 

Questions from Jess that I'm supposed to answer:

1. Cat or dog person?   Well even though I just got a dog, I'm still 100% a cat person. I'm just now a cat person with a dog thrown in for good measure.  You know, cause my life wasn't nearly hectic enough!
2. Favourite comfort food?   Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding and mash potatoes all smothered in gravy.  And preferably when someone else cooks it.  Why does food always taste better when it's been prepared by someone other than myself?
3. Favourite TV show?    Oh goodness, this could be a tough one.  I'll list a few that I've watched recently (Thank you Netflix USA).  The Big C, Sons of Anarchy, Freaks and Geeks, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec.   Aside from Netflix I do not watch TV.  Thank goodness for Facebook or I'd never have been aware of this impending hurricane!  No, nothing would have given it away. 
4. Favourite Christmas gift ever and why?  Definitely not the ugly, mustard yellow sweater my Grandma bought me one year.  Or the grey fanny pack I recently got.  Interesting how the worst presents stick out more than the most favourite ones. 
5. If you could meet any celebrity in the world, dead or alive, who would it be and why?  Perry Farrell, because he's just plain awesome.  He'd make me so nervous I'd probably be stupid.  He's already almost a real and true friend.  We're friends on Facebook and that means something these days doesn't it?  I just love him and not in a romantically, sexual way. 
6. What is your favourite way to spend a Friday night?  Ordering pizza, getting a 6 pack of cupcakes (good ones, not grocery store ones), watching the latest It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, then playing Call of Duty and slaying hundreds of zombies with Eric. 
7. What the item on your Bucket List you would most love to accomplish?  I haven't made a bucket list yet....I shall ponder this question. 
8. What song has the most meaningful lyrics to you and why?  Right now, The Escape Club -  I'll Be There. 
9. If you could go anywhere on vacation where would it be?  I'd be content to go just about anywhere right now.  I'd love to hit England, Amsterdam, Italy, Mexico (again), Australia, Africa...like I said, pretty much anywhere is fine with me.  I'm not picky, just as long as I'm away and I learn about a different part of the world. 
10. If you could learn a new language what would it be?  I'd be content to just know French fluently but for funsies, I'd like to speak Cantonese, because I think it would be super funny to hear that come out of my mouth. 
11. Ghosts: Real or figments of the imagination  Real.  We're even doing a paranormal study at work to see if they can scientifically detect any spirits (Oh there are some, that's for sure!).  Kind of looking forward to that! 

 

My list of questions now?  Yeesh this is a lot of pressure for someone not feeling so inclined to 'write'. 

1.  Do you hate pet birds as much as I do?  Do you have a good and valid reason to have a bird as a pet?
2.  What animal/critter/bug/etc. creeps you the f*ck out the most?
3.  If you had a list with your husband/wife with 4 "free passes" of famous people who were allowed to bed without recourse who would your two girls and two guys be?  Who would your spouse pick for their four?  Must be two guys/two girls.  Come on, even dudes have man crushes. 
4.  What's one food you put in your mouth and actually stop to savour it?  Every single time.
5.  Which of your parents did you go to first for a ride?  How about money?  What if you were arrested?  Which one would you call first?
6.  Who would you want to play you in the movie of your life?
7.  If you could change one part of your body without costing a butt-load of money or causing pain, what would you change?
8.  If you won 5 million dollars, do you already have it "spent" before you cash the cheque?  On what? 
9. What is the one thing that would totally turn you off when it comes to someone you could be attracted to?  You know, the thing you just couldn't look past or turn a blind eye to?
10.  What is the main useless information that is taking up way too much grey matter in your brain?  *Hint:  Mine's 80's ballad lyrics or 80's TV show theme songs (Show me that smile again...).
11.   How much do you love my blog?  Show me the warm gushy feelings people! 

 

I don't think I'm going to do nominees.  But you should totally go into my comment box and paste my questions there and then answer them for me to read!!  Won't that be fun?  It totally will.  You should do it. 

Now. 

This Moment {6} - The follow up

Man I have not had ANY motivation to blog lately...Sorry for the delay.
A couple of years ago (or maybe it was last Halloween, no I think it was two years ago...) Eric and I drove up to Toronto to spend the night in Boy's Town (or the Gay Village, or the Church St. District).  The gays (that's my term of endearment for them) always have the best costumes ever.  I wasn't disappointed in the finds on this trip. 

We got dressed up (I wore my Star Trek dress and Eric wore hospital scrubs and a lab coat) and we melded into the throngs of people who took over the shut down street, dressed in their Hallowed best.   I am a huge people watcher and gay lover so aside from the sheer numbers that would be roaming the streets I was totally looking forward to this night.  Within moments of turning onto Church St., Eric was surrounded by dudes dressed as girls who were harbouring for his affections and photo opportunities and I was critiqued and called a bitch because my Star Trek uniform looked better on me than the gay boy's looked on him.  I think it was a backhanded compliment....I think.  We ogled all the amazing costumes, impressed with the amount of effort these guys (and some gals) put into their outfits.  We saw the Queen of England, Count Chocula, Frankenberry, the Lucky Charms Leprechaun, and Cap'n Crunch, we saw the Flintstone gang including their foot powered car, we saw Converse running shoes (like for real life size), we saw a buttload (no pun intended) of drag queens, and we saw shit we just plain didn't understand.  At one point we saw two big, fat 'cheerleaders' who were cordial and lovely enough to allow us to take our picture with them, until they weren't.  As they walked away they pondered to themselves how she (yup me) was able to snag a hot specimen like him (they meant Eric), in disgust.  I could hear them still though.  *Where's my sad face emoticon?   I just want to love the gays so much, why the hate? 

But then I was cheered up by these fine pieces of ass.  My favourite boys of the night, hands down.  My "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" friends.  They loved me (or at least they did a much better job faking it for me).  We decided a picture was in order and it was their idea to lift our skirts.  We had so much fun with them and spending the Halloween festivities in Boys Town.  I can't wait for the opportunity to do it again soon!

This Moment {5} - part two!

A couple summers ago I was offered an opportunity to go on a fishing charter and bring my family.  I hesitated at first because we're not really fishing people (I find it dreary and boring and plain all over dull), we're not morning people (had to be up at the crack of dawn to get on the water), Eric's a vegetarian so I didn't think he'd have any interest at all in catching fish, period), and I get motion sickness from merely sitting in the passenger seat of my car.  A few things against the idea really, but it was a lovely offer (and rude of me not to accept) and it was FREE (when something like this goes for around 4-5 hundred buckaroos)!  Plus it was something for us to do with the boys and we'd make memories right?  So I agreed. 

This was the absolute, very first time I've ever fished in my life.  Yup, I pre-judged that shit.  My boys and Eric had been fishing (off the dock of the bay style) before but never on a charter.  We headed out at 6 a.m. onto the open waters of Lake Ontario on a July morning.  Still a little chill in the air but we knew it would warm up throughout the morning.  (I'm still pretty sure that fishing dock of the bay style is dreary and dull.)

This beautiful rainbow here is my very first catch ever!  She was over 15lbs and fought me for every last second of her life.  My arms were like a tube of jello after I reeled her in.  I honestly was so close to handing the rod over to Eric to finish her off but she was just that close to my grasp.  I'm so glad I persevered and finished the task myself.  It was a great feeling (aside from the dull, throbbing ache of my arm for an hour after). 

Throughout the day we all took turns catching fish and reeling them in.  When we left the open waters and headed back to dock, about 4 hours later, we had about 20 fish.  The captain filleted them for us and bagged them up so we could take them home.  We ended up giving a lot of the fish away but we did BBQ some up for ourselves (minus Eric) and it was even tastier (I think because we worked so hard to get it).  The boys had a great day and even Eric got wrapped up in it.  We'd love the opportunity to do it again some time.  If you ever get the chance you should do a fishing charter at least once.  It was a great way to kill a morning and some fishies. 

Running for My Life

This past weekend we (Eric, Gage, myself, my brother, sister in law, and 4 friends) had the opportunity to take part in a 5K run/obstacle course created by Run For Your Lives that included being chased by zombies.  'Cause running 5K and completing physical obstacles isn't hard enough (especially when you are in as poor shape as I am!).  After doing some research in preparation to signing up, we discovered that you could do both!  You could complete a zombie shift AND run the course as a runner!  Win-win!

The creators and volunteers put together an amazing event.  I don't know how long they've been doing these but this was the first one in Canada.  I must say it was flawless (aside from the weather which is, of course, uncontrollable).  Everything went off perfectly (except for the total collapse of the starting cages, immediately after our particular heat, from the wind - thankfully no one was seriously injured).   It was probably the best experience I've had during an event of this caliber.  Right from the parking and check in stations, to the costume department and make up tents and the actual course and obstacles - amazing.  It really was so well done.  Kudos to all involved who put this together and helped pull it off.  I really am looking forward to doing this again if they decide to bring it back our way next year. 

I was blown away with the make-up department set up.  All of the people they utilized to transform us 7 a.m. beauties into scary zombies were so talented and friendly.  The pace was quick and kept us all excited for the next things to come our way.  They had a wardrobe department, air brushing stations, prosthetic stations, blood splatter stations, liquid blood stations, mudding and blooding stations, free snacks and bottled water stations, and personal belonging check stations.  They really did think of everything (they even had a make-up removal station when we finished our shift).   We looked so good after passing through all those check points. 

Walking out to our station (we were zone 3 - a stretch of forest) amongst the trees, which made for great cover and gave that shadowy, ominous feeling just built the excitement up for us.  I located a sign nailed to a tree and jokingly said I'd hide behind the sign and jump out and scare people.  Because there really was no way they couldn't see me.   Eric stood just ahead of me on the opposite side of the path thus forcing people to run closer to the sign and low and behold the runners were so focused on Eric that when I stepped out from behind my sign I really was scaring the shit out of them.  So gooooooood!  I suffered a couple minor injuries (two of which are actually making it difficult to type):  a wrenched ring finger that is bruised and swollen when it got caught on a runner as I reached for a flag, a thumb nail that has a pool of blood under it after some asshole runner grabbed on to me and kept running (a no-no) and I got punched in the face (totally by accident, the runner even stopped to apologize).  All still worth it though. 

Following our three hour stint as zombies (which went by so quickly, I'd have been content to do it for the whole day, it was that fun!) we counted all of the lives we stole and then headed over to make up removal and received medals, free t-shirts and beer tickets!  The medals are great quality and so are the shirts, they didn't scrimp on anything here.   We then made our way to the van to change clothes and get some food before we were due to report for our own course run.  The weather was turning a little at this point and becoming cooler and much more windy.   I was dreading the race (because I hate running) but now I was looking forward to it because I knew it would warm me up. 

We made our way over to the starting cages (titled Appetizer, Entree and Dessert - the Appetizers got released first) to line up for our heat at 2 p.m.  We decided it was best for us out of shape runners to take the Dessert position so we weren't glomming up the track. The dark clouds were starting to move in on us which made it even more appropriate.  Coming around the first bend we encountered our first obstacle (mud pits 1 - Holly - 0).  Covered in mud makes you feel even heavier than you are!  Aside from zombies staggering all over the course the next obstacle we hit were  the climbing walls.  And while they don't seem that high, after running and being caked in mud it was hard to find the energy to pull myself over them.  The 3rd obstacle was a maze of darkness that took me longer to figure out than I was anticipating.  After making our way out of the maze and through another couple of hordes of zombies we entered a darkened house (through a window) full of smoke with hanging electrodes that zapped you if you hit them.  It was hard to avoid them as they were everywhere and there were zombies in the house that scared the shit out of us thus making it even harder to avoid.  We then had to climb under barbed wire (yes real barbed wire) on our bellies through the mud,  through long covered tunnels on our knees through the mud (good luck if you are claustrophobic), up a fenced wall and down a slide into a pit of cold mud and bloody water and then under an electrified fence through the mud on our bellies.  It was a messy day but so, SO much fun.

I hope the planners had a successful day and it will be worth their effort to come back again next year.  It will be super great if they add some new obstacles and remove a couple of this years.  It was fun not really knowing what we had ahead of us when we ran the race.  I remember the feeling that came over me when I turned the corner to find the three mud pits....and then the feeling of the smile creeping over my face as I embarked on my mission.  

Sketchbook Comics and Games

I have an older brother.  He's two years older than me.  He is not really anything like me.  Growing up we were extremely different, probably still are.  He was what the kids these days call a 'straight edge' which sure made things difficult for me once I hit my teens years.  I didn't have the luxury of having a older sibling break my parents in with typical teenage shenanigans.  He had his select group of friends, he liked to play fantasy games (D&D) and tinker on the computer (keep in mind most homes didn't have personal computers at this time, but my brother did and he always kept the damn thing password protected, much to my chagrin).  The one hobby or past time he partook/partakes in that could easily sum my brother up for me is comics.  He was a comic nerd in the purest definition.  They were his passion (I think).

My brother would make weekly trips to the comic store, he knew when any new editions were coming out, he categorized the comics he had and kept them in baggies with cardboard sleeves so they wouldn't bend.  We always had to be uber careful whenever we walked in his room out of fear of touching one of his precious 'booklets'.   He had favourite artists and also did his own renderings and drawings (that were pretty fantastic if I remember correctly).  He collected comic related toys and if he doesn't anymore then that's unfortunate because I keep buying him shit.  Point is, my whole life my brother has been a total comic guy.  Oh sure he has other interests, but if you asked me to think of one thing that describes my brother then I'd immediately say, 'comics'.

So it hasn't come as a huge surprise to me to find out recently that he's this close to opening the doors to his very own comic shop in the region here.  This has been an ongoing dream/goal/aspiration for years now.  He and a partner have killed many hours discussing the possibility and searching out locations.  After some failed attempts, they've finally managed to lock down a location, complete a proper business plan, get financial backing, figure out the staffing requirements, prep the store front and secure their inventory.   Maybe there's something to that saying, 'It's all about the timing.'  Maybe it just wasn't meant to be until now.  Regardless, I'm extremely proud of him and his chance to live out a dream.  I'm turning into a braggart about my brother.  He's come a long way from that annoying kid who picked on me, in more ways than just this store opening.

They've settled on the name Sketchbook Comics and will have a store in the Cats Caboose/Dollarama plaza on Glenridge Ave. in St. Catharines.  They've created a new Facebook page to introduce fellow comic nerds (don't worry, nerds are in right now) to the Niagara Region's new comic supplier.  They are also tackling an online store as well for those who aren't within driving distance.    So if you're into comics and prefer to buy that stuff from fellow comic fans then you've found your guys.  They know a lot of useless really important information about the comic world or if you just want someone to talk to about all things superhero then this will be the place for you.  And most importantly you'll be helping to fulfill a couple guys dreams. 

Congratulations to my brother, Geoff and his partner and friend Joel.  I wish you all the best in your future endeavor and hope you find great fulfillment and success.  Much love. 

White Trashapalooza!

So it seems my brother and his wife may have inadvertently started a new trend.  This year for my brother's 40th birthday they had their 2nd annual "White Trash Party".  It's probably insulting to red necks but to 'those' people you can't really insult them so don't worry your pretty little heads over it.  I'm quite certain they'd think we did them proud.

I should have taken pictures of the house as it appeared when we drove up.  There were tacky signs about Geoff being 40 and cars parked all over the front lawn with gardening tools strategically placed, or strewn about rather.  There was a smorgasbord of food consisting of Kentucky Fried Chicken, wieners and beans, baked beans, hot dog and cheese kabobs (raw of course), jambalaya and the birthday cake made solely of Twinkies pasted together with icing.

I don't recall any spectacular decorations, aside from the bras in the tree, because everyones' outfits stole the show.  It was a musical revue for my eyes.  Aside from two people (who joined us following a legit, non-white trash party) EVERYONE showed up in costume and might I add, they totally BROUGHT it!!  Value Village must have seen a spike in their sales this past week. 

Eric and I showed up trying to go for a different trashy look this year over last and this time we brought our kidlets in tow, who also represented.  I still can't look at the pictures of Roan without laughing.  He was a great sport and even won his own 'best costume' award:  an unopened box of Twinkies.  He was quite pleased with himself and proceeded to eat the box of Twinkies for breakfast the next morning.  Nothing trashy about being a mom who allowed that, right? 

I channeled Peg Bundy, Eric channeled a cross between Ninja of Die Antwoord and Al Pacino in Taxi Driver (but for some reason I thought he still looked crazy hot), Roan channeled the stereotypical white trash boy and Gage channeled a 'wigger' teenager ( I know it's a harsh term, but it's a term none the less). 

Dawn and Anita bought their supplies at K-mart in the States (who knew that this style was back in?), my mom formulated a cross between her mother and mother in law and sported a buttload of polyester.  We weren't lacking for kindling if we needed it. 

Kind of wish we'd had it in us to take an entourage trip to Walmart.  We probably would have ended up on the People of Walmart website.  Then we'd have known we truly nailed it. 

Kids and Death

I decided to try a little experiment about what runs through the brains of kids.  I chose a subject that I know lots about (in a round about way) and I would think my kids would know more than the average child since they know what I do for a living.   I decided to interview Roan and two of his friends.  All the boys are 11 years old.  Here's what these particular kids thought about death.

Have you ever known anyone who died?

Mitchell:  Yes...my dad, grandma and great-grandma.

Julian:  Uhm, when I was 2 or 3, I only met my great-grandma and my great-grandpa for like a little bit and then they died and I only knew my cat since I was two and then my cat died.  My grandma went outside and found it dead in the bushes. 

Mitchell:  Oh ya, my cat died too.

Roan:  Yah...my grandpa and my great-grandpa, but I don't really remember him.  So just my grandpa and my cat Nika who died this year.  I saw her in her coffin.

How would you like to die?

Mitchell:  Uh, I don't want to die!

Julian:  I would rather just die in the normal, peaceful way like everybody does. 

Me:  So you think everyone dies normally and peacefully?

Julian:  No, I guess I'd like to die of old age or a quick non-painful death.

Me:  What's your idea of a quick non-painful death?

Roan:  Getting shot with a bullet.

Mitchell:  Nope, being run over by a transport truck.  You would die instantly, it would only hurt for a split second. 

Roan:  I would want to probably die from being old and slowly, so I can be with my family.  

Are you afraid to die?  Why?

Mitchell:  Yes!  I don't want to die cause it's an awesome world.  I'm afraid to die because I'm only 11!  I'm scared of actually dying itself.  You either go to hell or heaven.  You don't want to know where you're going to end up ahead of time cause you might want to do things differently or over again. 

Roan:  Yes and no.  Yes because I like to live but it's meant to be to die, so no.  But like uhm....no.  I don't know how to explain it.  Like it's going to happen either way.  So I'm scared and I'm not.  It's scary cause you life has ended. 

Julian:  Same as Roan, yes and no.  I wouldn't want to die yet.  No,because when you die your spirit is still living so you'll never be completely dead. 

What would you miss most if you died? 

Mitchell:  Family.  Like if you have kids you'll miss them.

Roan:  Family and friends.

Mitchell:  I'd miss everything.  Uhm, my mom, my family, and if I died in a couple of months, I'd miss my hamster because I'm getting a hamster soon.

Julian:  I'd really miss watermelon, it's my favourite.  I'd also miss my family and friends.  For instance, I play with  my friends every single day but if I died I wouldn't be able to play with them.  And my family, I have always liked my family so I'd miss them too. 

Would you rather be all curled up with arthritis and in pain, or die?

Mitchell:  I'd pick arthritis and in pain.  I want to live as long as I can.

Julian:  Same here.  But if I was like 100 or even 92 then I'd probably rather die.

Mitchell:  If you were 92 you'd probably just die the next year anyway.
Let’s say you die when you’re 200 years old, how do you want to go?

Mitchell:  With my children's children's children around me.  My kids would be dead, their kids would be 90 and then the others would be like 30 or 50.  The the other ones would be like 2. 

Julian:  I would want to die with all my family or some of my family that I have left with me. 

Roan:  With my family or tied to a rocket ship and blasted into outer space.  But still probably die quietly.

What do you think happens after death?

Mitchell:  Your spirit roams the Earth and you become a new person like a baby.  And you either go to Heaven or Hell.  Your body goes in a vase too. 

Roan:  Well sometimes it says "Rest In Peace" so that could mean you are resting.  In peace.  But if you are roaming you are not really resting, so I'd like to choose whatever I want, either to rest or to roam.  I'd probably roam around the world visiting all the places I'd like to see. 

Julian:  I think your spirit goes around the Earth but at the same time I could be in Heaven or Hell, I don't know where I'll go.  I might also become a new baby in this world or in another galaxy. 

Mitchell:  Your spirit would be its own person so you couldn't control it. It could go to Heaven or Hell or back to the Earth.   Or you could come back as an animal.

What are your thoughts on heaven?  What about hell?Mitchell:  Heaven is a nice peaceful place, above the clouds and everything is fine with you.  There are really nice people there.

Julian:  It's like a nice peaceful place in the clouds but it's not even in this world, but someplace beyond.  Like  La la land.

Roan:   I picture clouds everywhere. 

Julian:  There are things you always wanted to do in life...well in Heaven you'd be able to do it and have the things you've always wanted.

Roan:  I picture Hell as under the ground, the centre of the Earth with flames.  It's a terrible place and not peaceful at all. 

Mitchell:  Maybe there are some nice people there but they did something bad in their life but they didn't mean to.  Like they did something really bad but they didn't do it alone.  And they are stuck in Hell. 

Julian:  It's not so peaceful,  you can be tortured there.  There could be some nice and some not so nice people.  I also think there is fire and lava all around you.  It would be like the Never World in Minecraft.

Roan:  I think it would be terrible and scary there.

What do you think your life will be like as a dead person?

Mitchell:  It would be pretty plain because you already lived and there is nothing to do after you die except roam free. 

Julian:  Plain but you'll have all sorts of new places to go to.  If you are a spirit you can roam around. 

Roan:  I think I would probably visit everywhere I wanted to go.  There would be no pain. 

Julian:  I'd like to fly, that would be cool.

Roan:  You could see anyone you wanted to when you wanted to.  And you could go through walls.

Mitchell:  Not necessarily.  If you were wearing clothes the clothes wouldn't go through the wall. 

Julian:  You could protect and help out the people you wanted to.  Like a guardian angel. 

Me:  Sounds like being dead could be pretty cool.

All of them:  Yeah....But we don't want to be dead. 

Julian:  I would like a new life that you've never tried before.  No traffic or cars.  And in our new life, we'd know nothing about our old life.  Our memories would be erased.

If you could come back after dying as anything, what would you pick? 

Julian:  I'd come back into this life to do it again.

Roan:  Me too, but I'd be a girl the next time.

Julian:  Ya I'd be a girl too, that's a good one.

Mitchell:  I'd like to be 4 things:  A girl, a hummingbird (because that's my favourite bird), a cheetah (because they run fast and are hard to kill) and a chimpanzee (because they are funny and strong).

Julian:  I'd come back as a tiger.  That would be cool or some kind of bird so I could feel what it's like to fly.

Roan:   BIRD!  I'd come back as a lion or a girl.  A hot girl.

What do you want your family to do with your body after you die?

Roan:  I'd want you to keep me in your house.

Me:  What like a stuffed animal in a corner or cremated?

Roan:  Cremated.

Mitchell:  I want to be in a room where there is a vase and my ashes are in there and there are pictures of me on the wall and candles everywhere.  Or bury me underneath the house... but what if they moved?  Then they'd have to dig it up and that would be hard.
 
Julian:  Ya, I'd say bury me in the backyard, but I would worry they'd move.  So keep the ashes in the house where they can remember me throughout their lives.

Me:  So all three of you would choose cremation?

Roan:  I don't want to be buried because I don't want to come back as a zombie. Also, if my parents or kids came over and spilled my ashes I'd make a loud creepy noise and they would be scared and I would shake the pictures around the house and make the ashes go right back in the thing they were in  and they'd be freaked out!

Do you believe in spirits and ghosts? 
Julian:  Yes, 100%.

Roan:  Yes, for sure.

Mitchell:  I have to choose my words carefully because I'm very gullible.  But, I've heard that spirits will haunt you if you don't believe in them.  I kind of do, but not like you think.  I don't think they're everywhere, but I do know for sure that they're roaming the cemeteries.  Spirits and ghosts are the same thing. 

Have you ever seen a ghost? 

Julian:  No, no one can really see ghosts. 

Roan:  I think I have.

Julian:  I might have, but I'm not sure. If I did, I probably don't remember.

Mitchell:  One time I took a picture and there was light coming into it and the room was dark and no one else was there but there was a blur on the camera and light .

Roan:  I saw something at school when I was playing a game with friends.   I saw something three times, but when I talk about it it sounds fake.   When I looked up again, it was gone but it felt like it was watching me. 

How do you think ghosts contact us?

Roan:  They could send letter by writing words on walls.  Or maybe they talk to us or whisper to us.  But mainly they come to you in your dreams.

Mitchell:  Ya, in your dreams.  I wouldn't use a Ouija board, they've been taken over by mean spirits.
And ghosts can't talk to us through other people.

Julian:   I think people have the power to talk to ghosts, but they don't know  how to use it.

Roan:  So kind of like the 3rd eye?  The eye that sees energy? 

Julian:  Ya, exactly.

Roan:  I've seen energy.


Do you think dying hurts?

Mitchell:  Probably because your heart stops pumping and you run out of air and when you hold your breath for too long it hurts.  But when you heart stops all your blood stops flowing and you get really cold and can't breathe, so that probably doesn't feel good.

Julian:   It can be painful in certain ways or peaceful.  Like lets say you are dying of cancer and you are in pain for a month and then you finally die...
 
Mitchell: Depends on what kind of cancer you have.  There are 3 kinds.

Roan:  No way, there are tons of different cancers.

Mitchell:  Ya, I know but there is one where you are going to die for sure, one where it can harm you but you won't die, you'll just be in a lot of pain, and one where you can have surgery and get better.

Julian:  So, if you had cancer it would be very painful but after you die it would feel gentle and peaceful.

Roan:  It would be painful in a way.  Emotionally I think it hurts.  Your heart stops and it's broken because you'll never get to  see your family again, unless you come back as a ghost to see them.   But even still...