Cheesecake dip-dip-dip-dip-dip-dip-dip-dip-DIP!

We were invited to a friend's place for hang outs and dinner a few weeks back so I said I'd bring some dessert.  I stumbled across this 'recipe' on Pinterest (of course, thank Kee-rist for the big P) and thought I'd test it out.  I was NOT disappointed, but be forewarned that the recipe makes TONS of it so it's a great idea for a large pot luck or gathering of sorts.  You could probably get away with halving the recipe (I'll likely try that for next time). 

Here's what you're gonna need to make this heaven in a dish (well if you like cheesecake).

Two cans of Cherry pie filling (or berries, whatever, use your imagination)
1 1/2 bricks of cream cheese
1 large tub of marshmallow cream (I use two smaller tubs as I couldn't find a large tub)
2 tubs of Cool Whip

Vanilla wafers
Graham Crackers

Mix the cream cheese, marshmallow fluff stuff and cool whip with your mixer until completely blended and smooth.  Pour into a rectangle dish (or triangle or circle but make sure it's large enough to hold it all), then spread your cherry pie filling all over the top.  Take a vanilla wafer or graham cracker in you hand and scoop it through that fluffy goodness then place it in your mouth.  Enjoy.  (Since it's a dip and not a cheesecake don't expect it to firm up, OK?)

Here's a picture I thought to take only after we had already started to dig in, sorry.

This way! No that way! Wait, over here!!

So my sister in law made me this f*cking (yes it actually deserves the prefix f*cking 'cause that's how awesome it is!) spectacular Christmas present!  It's a directional sign for my yard and I wouldn't mind going to all the places she thought to include.  She knows me so well.  D'awwwww!!!!! 

Diagon Alley?  Be careful, there are some sketchy wizards lurking around.
Tardis Boarding?  Where will we end up?
How's about heading over to visit Sherlock Holmes on Baker Street?

Wanna play some Hunger Games over at District 12?  Don't die!
A trip to Castle Rock, Maine?  Be careful, nothing good ever happens in Castle Rock. 
Be careful that a house doesn't fall on you in Munchkinland!

Head on over to Hogwarts?  No worries, I'll lead the way!
How about visiting with the wizard in the Emerald City or taking a flight to Never Never Land? 

Take off for out of this world adventures to the Starfleet Academy.
Or venture off to Hobbit's Shire to see what they have in store for you. 
Or maybe a trip to the magical world of Narnia!! 

I'll likely just end up running in circles in my yard because I can't make up my mind!  So many great options.  This is seriously an amazing gift!!!!

Eric thought of incorporating it into the fence we are building this summer, but if I move, and at some point I will, I won't be able to take it with me.  That would make me a sad girl.  So I'll have to give it some thought on placement for the most optimal exposure to the masses. 

Roanisms at Christmas

So on Christmas Eve night around 11 p.m. Eric and I brought Roan's "Santa" loot downstairs and placed it out in the living room so we could get some sleep before he woke us up at the crack of dawn to open gifts. 
At some point between midnight and 1 a.m. I heard the pitter patter of little feet and thought at first it might just be the cats.  After a period of time I emerged from my bed to find an 11 year old laying in the hallway with one of the cats.  I instructed him he needed to get to bed.  After trying to convince me that there was just no point as he was too excited and couldn't sleep he conceded and headed to his room. 

At 4 a.m. I awoke to a quiet singing by said 11 year old.  So after wandering downstairs and meeting up with him in the hallway I told him (albeit through grinding teeth) to get his ass in bed as it was only 4 a.m. and no one was ready to get up yet (oh I'm so foolish). 

An hour passes and again I hear the soft singing from downstairs.  This time I was too exhausted to care so I left him to his own devices.  Not sure what he was doing. 

At 8 a.m. I awoke and went venturing through the house.  Roan was passed out cold on his bed and only silence emerged from Gage's nook.  I wandered into the living room to find that maybe there was in fact a Santy Claus as ALL of the Halo lego we had put out at 11 p.m. the eve before had been opened and completely put together.  And the most magical part of all?  The garbage and packaging were no where to be found, cleaned right up!!  Looks like my little 11 year old had a full night of building Legos. 

I actually had to go wake up Eric so he could see what Roan had been up to all night before the actual little labourer woke up.  Thanks for the early morning chuckles Roan. 

Who Doesn't Love A Cupcake?

I've been struggling like no one's business to find some semblance of Christmas spirit this year.  It's been hard and I can't find a true reason why I'm feeling this way.  Roan had been bugging me for a couple weeks to put our Christmas tree up but I was really dragging my heels.  There is not much more I hate than stringing those darn Christmas lights.  But this past summer I scored a pre-lit 7' artificial tree at a garage sale for 10 bucks.  And, up until a week ago I had been under the silly notion that my $30 60" Sony flat screen was my most awesomest garage sale score of all time.  I would be remissed if I didn't mention that this pre-lit tree was now right up there tied for first.  I swear I heard the choirs singing the minute I plugged that cord in and it was all lit up!  Total preparation time until ornaments could be placed? Ten minutes.  And that included digging it out of the basement! 

Any way, back to the purpose of this post.  I decided a couple weeks ago (Sorry, I'm slow on the uptake here) since Eric was working that I'd do some crafting.  It's been a while since I've done anything in that department.  I was feeling the itch again.  This time I decided to make ornaments for the Christmas tree (well mainly just one, I'm gave the other 11 away).  So off I went to Michaels to pick up the supplies I didn't already have on hand.  And since I had a great coupon and a few straggler gift certificates in the bottom of my purse with small amounts left on them, this entire project cost me nothing!  The best kind.   So when I got home I got down to the task at hand and began making cupcakes.  Cupcake ornaments.

So here is the supply list you'd need if you wanted to replicate these.  By the way they were super easy and took me maybe 3-5 minutes for each cupcake.  I might even be exaggerating with the time.

Mod-podge
sponge brush or paint brush
1 inch ribbon (I chose brown for chocolate cake)
hot glue gun
glue sticks (that should be obvious, but I never want to assume)
sparkles for the icing (I chose blue and pink, you can choose whatever)
Wired holly berry decorations (for cherries of course!)
Cupcake liners
Christmas ornament balls (I used clear ones from Michaels)

So first I glued two liners together so they were thicker/stiffer.  I set those aside.  Then I removed the top off ornaments and set it aside.  I then put a trail of glue around the centre of the ornament and attached the ribbon.  I made cuts around the bottom of the ribbon, applied some more glue to the bottom of the ornament and folded the ribbon around the bottom.  Then I glued the ornament using hot glue to the cupcake liner and applied pressure with my hand.

I had two plastic shallow dishes for my sparkles all ready to go.  I applied a thin coating of Mod-podge to the exposed ornament and dropped sparkles on the glued area, taking time to shake off the excess as I worked.  Be prepared, your work area will look like a fairy shit all over it.  Once it was completely covered in sparkles I reattached the hook top.

I then cut a wired holly berry (now a cherry!) to appropriate length and hot glued it to the front of the hook holder (to help camouflage it).   Et voila!  A cupcake ornament.

I ended up with four blue, four pink and four blue/pink combination.  I think they turned out pretty neat!  There it is up there on our tree.  For a brief moment that particular weekend I was into the Christmas spirit.  I'm pretty sure I was over it by Monday.   

 

Merry Christmas my lovelies!!!  Much love and best wishes for a wonderful holiday with those who are most important to you and an awesome new year coming your way.  

My Thoughts

I am saddened by many events that have happened in this world, with the most recent being the obvious shooting in Connecticut.  I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of helplessness and melancholy about them all.  I don't see anything in the near future that's going to be done to change what's happening in the world.   And I'm not sure anything can be done to ensure this sort of thing doesn't happen again.

First and foremost my heart breaks for the parents and families of all the victims.  I know when I send Roan off to school each day that the farthest fear in my mind is that someone will shoot up his school.  I suppose it always lingers in the back of my mind about Gage, but that's to be expected right?  I mean we hear about teen aged angst all the time and unfortunately that angst sometimes leads to school shootings.  But never an elementary school.  Roan is supposed to be safe for another 2 1/2 years right???  I also know like most parents that not every day before school goes swimmingly.  Sometimes I yell at Roan and we both leave the house mad at each other because things didn't go smoothly while he was getting ready for school and I for work.  My  heart breaks for that mom who dropped her kid off at school that fateful morning frustrated and angry because he didn't do all the stuff he was supposed to do in the allotted time period.  The extra turmoil she must be feeling.... So that's kind of where I'm stuck mainly.  Focusing on my own flaws as a parent and my reactions to a little person when he strays from MY norm.    

I'm frustrated with the system.  And that's quite ironic for me to say because I don't really understand the system.  But I genuinely believe the system can't fix all this.  No matter what everyone and their brother suggests, I just don't see a government being able to repair this and stop it from ever happening again.  Or maybe I'm just so cynical about the system that I figure they won't even try. 

But my frustrations lie mainly with the media.  I have a harder time each day believing anything I read or see on the news.  I feel like the media is corrupting us all.  They sensationalize all this shitty stuff and give fucked up people something to strive to surpass-almost like the Guinness Book of World Records.    All they seem to focus on is the killer, their message and their motive.  No one ever remembers the names of the victims.  So if someone has ever felt alone in this world, invisible to everyone else what better way to become popular and well known than to do something so catastrophic that his name is front and centre in every one's minds?  It's pretty clear that if he just killed himself in the confines of his own home the media would never report that. He would have still died alone-a sad nobody who is still unknown to most.   By doing something so horrific he will be infamous for generations to come.  He will have made history books.   I'm frustrated that particularly in this situation that took place a few days ago there is no known motive or reason (yet) behind the actions of this disturbed man but the media has taken it upon themselves to educate all of us loyal readers and listeners and label him with Asperger's (a form of Autism), a nerd, a genius, a loner, and a sufferer of a personality disorder.  All things that add up to CRAZY, am I right?  So frustrating.  

And while I'm on the subject of frustrating I have seen numerous people post a list of all the victims names on the internet in the hopes of remembering at least one of them instead of just the killer's name.  Novel and admiral idea, but how come this guys mother's name isn't on that list??  She was off'd by her son but because he was her son clearly she's not a victim like the other's?  Maybe she tried desperately to stop him that morning and lost.  What's become of our society when we are held responsible for the shitty actions of our adult children?  As parents (just like the ones who lost their children this week) all we can do is hope we raise our kids to be good people.  It's our job to give them emotional support when they need it but we're not all perfect and sometimes the mentally ill have a really decent way of hiding it from those closest to them.  Why is she automatically lumped in with the evil that this man did?  Or his father and brother for that matter?  And don't tell me it's because she was the legal owner of those guns.  I don't buy it.  She didn't buy those guns with the intent for him to use them on a Grade 1 classroom full of kids.  And can I add, she LEGALLY owned them?  What is wrong with us as a society that we are so quick to condemn an uninvolved individual for someone else's actions?  You better all look closely at your children and pray to whatever entity helps you sleep soundly at night that your own children don't do something as repulsive and unforgivable.  Because you too will be shunned. 

I haven't watched much of the news or read too many articles because it saddens me enough just knowing this happened.  I don't need to listen or read all the mindless bullshit that is out there.  I don't need opinions of the reporters, or hearsay from bystanders to alter my own feelings about this situation.  What I do need to do is hug my kids more, keep the lines of communication open at all times, ask the right questions, choose my battles in the morning over cereal more carefully and hope with every fibre of my being that my children don't do something that destroys another life in any way, shape or form.   And really, I think that's the only way as whole that we can diminish these sort of events from happening.  We will never be rid of them, we'd be kidding ourselves to think we could.

Good Friends Make You Laugh When Life is Sucking

I have been known to say "I neglect the friends I already have, I don't really need anymore."  But that's not overly true.  I received a text message the other day that made me smile. I smiled because I like when something old becomes new again.  Even when it pertains to friendships.  Maybe I'm starting to rethink this whole "I have enough friends" mentality.  It's not that I have enough friends, it's that I don't have enough time to share with them.  Throughout almost 4 decades on this Earth, I really have been blessed with an abundant amount of people in my life.  I am lucky to state that I have never felt alone in this world.  I know not everyone can make that statement.  Friendship...it's a weird thing. 

There are those friends I can go extremely long periods of time without actually speaking with but pick up right where we left off when we see each other again.  Cliche I know, but they accept my laziness and I theirs, and understand that sometimes life just gets in the way.  They don't hold it against me nor I them.   We are reliable when it matters the most and always just a phone call or Facebook message away. 

Then there are the friends I thought would be around always, the ones I have created amazing memories and laughs with, but now they have faded to black, and frankly I'm not terribly upset about it.  Nothing major happened, they've just clearly served their purpose.  It was a different time in a different world I supposed.  At first it was a little depressing, but after time I've come to realize that I don't really miss them in the proper sense of that word.  I've come to terms with the fact that they can't be bothered to try even if infrequently, therefore neither can I. 

And then there are the friends who I broke up with for very valid reasons but have some how made their way back into my life even if in a different capacity.  Those ones that disappointed me but over time I forgave, moved on and allowed them back in.  Sure it's not quite the same as it was before, but it's nice having them back even on a part time basis. 

And of course there are friends who are really just strong acquaintances but are so much more than just a person I know that I still refer to them as friends, even if I never ever see them.   And Facebook makes me feel this way about more and more people every day.  And that's not a bad thing.  It just reiterates how blessed I am to have so many diverse people in my life in some way. 

Then there are the people I once knew back in the day and thanks to social media, like Facebook, I've sort of kept in touch with them; but then something major happens and they're hurled into my life full throttle and it's a great thing.  It's crazy to know I grew up with these people, so to speak, and now with some of them, our kids are playing together and want to hang out with each other.  Two generations of friends.   How strangely weird and awesome.  I've found a way to meld my old life with my new life and that's exciting for me.  For the longest time I was the only one of my friends with kids.  Now, that's not the case.  I love having friends who are going through similar experiences. 

And then there are my kids who I hope will one day grow up to be my friends.  (Just 'cause they're pretty rad and so am I.)   We already kind of are, but there will always be that whole 'I'm your parent so I can't be you friend too' thing lurking in the shadows.  But I can tell you this without any bias, I would want to be friends with both my kids if I was their age.  They are pretty decent human beings thus far. 

And then there is my boyfriend/partner/mate/common law hubby/whatever you call him who is most importantly my friend in all those titles.  At this point of time in my last long term relationship I was feeling caught and trying to figure out how to get out of it.  I wasn't really having much fun anymore but because there were kids involved we persevered for another 5 years.  We weren't really friends anymore.  But at the 4 year mark with Eric I'm genuinely not feeling like that at all.  I'm quite grateful that we are still friends after this much time together.  I considered him one before we started dating, and I'm glad I'm still able to consider him one now. 

"In every one's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle our inner spirit. - Albert Schwietzer

Hidden Gem

Every single time (without a hint of exaggeration) that we take Dempsey over to the dog park we are questioned on what kind of breed he is.  We were told by the SPCA that they suspected a mix of Greyhound, Pit Bull and Sheppard.  And I can honestly see characteristics and traits of all three.  However there have been a few people on separate occasions who have challenged our response.  They are insistent that our sweet Dempsey is in fact an Egyptian Pharaoh Hound.  So Eric took it upon himself to do a little research into the appearance of these hounds and well I'll be dipped, we're pretty sure our buddy boy is one of these things.  Well, at least a cross of some sort. 

Upon seeing all these familiar pictures I then researched this breed of dog to see if he matches up with more than just appearances.  And man, does he!  He hits every single personality trait possible. So I'm pretty sure he's a cross with one of these expensive pups (average about 3-5 grand to buy a pure bred puppy) and I'd say we got ourselves a sweet deal with our hundred dollar shelter rescue.  Kijiji and garage sales, look out!  I even do well adopting live stock. 

Too bad we didn't know or realize what kind of dog he was before we named him otherwise we'd have named him Perry Pharaoh.  Heh-heh-heh get it?  Perry Farrell whom I adore of Jane's Addiction?  Hmm, eh, nothing eh?  Nevermind. 

Pure Bred, though he looks just like Dempsey without the brindle colouring.

Our version



 

Band of Horses

I don't often talk about bands or concerts because I'm not a music reviewer nor am I good at summing up my experiences with bands in an eloquent way, but every once in a while I feel like I should write something.  Because, in my opinion (which is always ever so humble) I genuinely believe that every person should be listening to Band of Horses.  Even if you're into metal or hard shit, they are still a band worth listening to (you know when you're going to bed or having a bubble bath - cause we all know you hardcore dudes love your bubble baths.)  While I'm not an expert in music, I do know what I like and love I guess.  And I love Band of Horses, I have since the very first time I heard them (thanks Chunk). 

I've had the privilege of seeing them live a couple of times now and I know with certainty that I shall see them again.  I don't think I'll ever get enough of them - live or recorded.  It's pretty rare for a band to almost bring me to tears when I listen to them live.  Ben Bridwell does that to me.  He has an amazing voice and great song writing capabilities.  I went to see them on Wednesday night with Lesley (my concert partner for the most part.) at Massey Hall in Toronto (also an amazing venue for an amazing band) and they didn't disappoint. 

Band of Horses live is a must see.  They alter the songs just enough for you to know you are not listening to a track or tape and to give you a chance to fall in love with their songs all over again.   They remain close enough to the recorded versions for you to not be second guessing what song it is or wondering why they had to butcher a great thing.  And they genuinely looked like they were having the best time with each other playing as a band on stage.  And watching their interaction between these guys made me like them as human beings even if I only caught a mere glimpse into their relationship.  They seem like guys I'd love to hang out and have beers with.    They came across as decent, fun people, with mad talent and appeared to be real friends. 

This video is a version of the song that almost brought me to tears a couple nights ago (this isn't from the actual show I was at, but it's preformed the same way we saw it).  I immediately think of my children when I hear this song.  And acoustic is my poison.

And here's a version of their encore, which was equally as amazing as the 2 hour show.  Thank you Band of Horses for an awesome evening and more important, in my opinion, incredible music (despite what Eric thinks).  You have yet to truly disappoint me. 

Who Ya Gonna Call?

This past Saturday night I (and one of my co-workers) had the opportunity to participate in a Ghost Hunt inside the four walls of the place I work everyday (minus two days because this is Canada and we have rights) - the funeral home. 

It's been said for years that our building is haunted and if you believe in that sort of thing it kind of makes sense.  I mean, the original building was erected in the 1870's, so there is some history there.  Over time there have been many claimed sightings throughout the building.  A friend of mine is a member of the Paranormal Society of Niagara so we were able to work out a mutually convenient time for their squad of ghost busters to take a very detailed tour of the funeral home with the hopes of uncovering something interesting. 

There is no way I'm going to do the instruments, equipment and tools they used, any justice in my explanation, but they basically try to prove that ghosts exist using science and scientific evidence.  They measured the EMF(?)...EFI(?)... oh man, I feel like it was the name of that pathetic group from the 90's or something like that.  Anywho's, they took base readings of that acronym in each room before the hunt started.  They had some Doppler thingamajig (I'm just making that up, I have no idea what it was) that picked up words in the atmosphere (don't ask me how it worked or challenge me on it, because I have no clue) which was pretty cool, in my opinion.  They had another instrument that measured vibrations or touch.  They took pictures.  And then they had some thing like a static box and they used it as an avenue for the ghosts to talk to us.  It was pretty random at times but I'm not gonna lie something came out of that box that definitely made me sit up straight and pay attention.  There was a couple other things throughout the night that made me go "Hmmmm.", but I'm hoping there are more things we didn't see or hear that also happened.  They have told us it will take about 40 hours for them to go through all the film/footage and tapes of our little jaunt through the funeral home and they'll let us know either way if there is anything strange and out of the ordinary on the recordings.  I'm really hoping there are voices on there that we couldn't hear with our own ears.  How exciting would that be???  I'm trying not to put too much stock in it with the hopes that I'll be pleasantly surprised when they're finished. 
I so badly want to believe in spirits and ghosts and hope if they are proven to be real then the opportunity exists that I might get another chance to have a conversation of sorts with my dad.  I know, I know I'm starting to sound like a freak, but a girl can hang on to some shred of hope right?  So I'll keep you posted on the findings, good or bad.   It's been a strange couple of days there since we did it.  Who knows, maybe we've stirred things up a bit. 

Ceiling Art

*Snort*

I asked Eric to hang some framed animal carcasses for me on the wall in the den.  We had painted them all white to match the new room.  I laid them out in the pattern on the carpet of how I had wanted them to hang and left it to him.  Everyone knows that pictures are to be hung at eye level right?  Perhaps it's best you don't ask someone who is 6'4" to hang your photos and expect them to be at normal height (he honestly didn't see anything out of the ordinary, but I swear I don't have any other frames hung this high in my house). 

All I could do was laugh....and later I shall lower the top row of frames. 

A Side of Suitcase?

I made a piece of furniture!  No for reals I did.   This one right here.  Well not here exactly but right there below this sentence is a picture of it! 

I've run across a couple very inspiring 'suitcase' pieces through Pinterest and I've always wanted to make something.  I had originally purchased my blue hard case suitcase at Value Village last year for $5.00 with the intention of turning it into a chair like that one posted below.  But I just haven't been feeling it lately. 

Besides, I really don't have a spot in my house at the moment to accomodate a suitcase chair which is really about appearances and not about practicality.  Frankly it would just be a "neat-o" clothes holder or kitty chair.  Let's be real.  So when I stumbled across two nesting tables on Kijiji for $20.00 I thought, "EUREKA!  I've finally found a match for my suitcase."  And fit perfectly, they did. 

I ended up spray painting my little table a glossy white to match the room it was intended for.  It took me 4 coats of paint to get it even.  I didn't bother to waste paint by spraying the top, because well, that's redundant since you won't see the top!   Then I, put the suitcase on the floor with the bottom side up and I put the table on top of the suitcase table top down and I let Eric drill four holes.  (It makes him feel like a real man when I let him do stuff like that.  Trust me.)  Then we  he jammed the bolts through the holes and tightened it all up nice-nice. 

Then I flipped that bad boy over and VOILA, a suitcase table that looks like a professional made it.  And it cost me, maybe, $25.00 for all the supplies including the bolts and spray paint.  Now don't try to fool me by suggesting I could find a sweet bad boy like that pre-made for 25 bones cause I just won't believe you!   You wanna know the sweet bonus?  There were two keys inside the suitcase for locking and unlocking purposes (funny how keys do that) so now we have a lockable storage compartment built into my new kickass table for my den!  BAM BAM!  Double the pleasure! 

A Picture Makes a Post

I wish I hadn't lost our camera battery charger.  More importantly YOU wish I hadn't lost our camera battery charger. 

Sadly, my list of drafts not posted to my blog (and his) is growing while they wait for accompanying pictures. 

This weekend, I promise to hunt for a replacement!  Then back to regular blog postings once again, my loyal community.  Much appreciation for your patience (which is ironic since I, myself, have none).

Disco at Home

I've seen a lot of word wall art in the past couple of years.  Between decals, stenciling, and wood letters...I decided to do my own version of word wall art for the new den.  I think it's a unique take on it and frankly it's another successful craft by Holly (in my opinion anyway, and frankly that's all that matters because I'm keeping this one!). 

I purchased four wooden letters from Michael's craft store (I'm thinking this could be one of my new favourite stores) for six bucks each.  Then I spray painted them silver (can of spray paint was $7.00).  Then I glued 10 1/2 rolls of nickels on them (I'm not so sure a hot glue gun was the right route to take as a couple of the coins have since fallen off and have had to be reglued with a different adhesive, but live and learn), which gave me kind of a disco ball effect (from a distance) on the letters.  So eleven rolls of nickels cost me $22.00 but you could probably raid your change jar if you're one of those people.  I'm not, Eric's coffee addiction and Roan's penny candy addiction would never allow me to accumulate enough nickels on my own.

The plan was to hang this homemade $55 dollar art above my couch in the new den on the dark navy blue wall but I decided to just stand them up on a white floating shelf instead.  Up against the dark wall, they look pretty awesome.  I'm excited for the room to come together and to display some of my own handy work.  I don't think I'd have been able to find art work to encompass that amount of space for less than that kind of money from a store.  So I'm ok with high price tag on this craft.

Sometimes

Sometimes you have to make an unpopular decision.  Sometimes people won't like your choices.  Sometimes they'll be mad at you for it. 

Sometimes you just get tired of cleaning up other people's messes.  Sometimes you get fed up being the one left holding the bag.  Sometimes it sucks feeling shitty for someone else's wrong doing.  Sometimes people need to be made aware of how their actions affect others.  Sometimes a personal reality check is all it might take.  Sometimes it's hard to understand my reasons when you're mad, and that's ok.   

That Old Familiar Feeling

There's something to be said about the comforting feeling I get when things revert back to a past normal for me.  For basically the past year Eric has been working either steady afternoons or steady midnights.  (Yuk, yuk and more yuk!)  I'm not lost without him as I'm a superdeeduper independent gal and all, but it's been topsy turvy to say the least.  It's hard for an entire house to remain quiet in the evening hours and it's hard for Eric to shut out the outside world to get proper sleep during the daylight hours.  It's safe to say that he was definitely ready to be done with this particular shift. 

So on Saturday following the dreaded (yet inevitable according to him) phone call informing Eric that his employer was laying a bunch of people off for 'lack of work' the demeanor in the house immediately changed.  Yah, pretty much just like that.  For him anyway.  Me?  Well of course I stress about finances.  But that's not really a huge issue when I think about it.  I survived all on my own for quite some time before Eric and his salary came along and I can persevere again if need be.  It was just really, REALLY nice to have two salaries again.  I won't lie.  At least unemployment insurance is an option this time if all else fails. 

I guess my point of this post is the comfort of having him around again.  I like being able to do stuff around the house with him (even if he hates it).  Seems like that kind of got away from us for a while.  Well, back at it!!  I also like having dinner together and preparing it together, even if he does stick goddamn Tempe in my freakin' stir fry.  And I really like that old familiar feeling of sitting side by side in bed on our laptops, blogging.  Yah folks, you read that right, he's posted FIVE new blog posts!! I shit you not.  We also throw the odd game of Scrabble in there too, but now he's getting good at that so I'm not feeling too superior anymore.   And I'm also looking forward to the day he can do drawings on the computer again for his old boss and a new book so I can curl up in the crook of his arm and go to sleep while he works.  That was cool too, even if it made things harder for him and he hates it. 

Today he got the chance to go work with a friend's father, who has a contracting company, cutting huge pieces of wood with chainsaws.  I know it could take a little bit of time and practise to get his skills back, but I have faith he can do it.  He's just that guy that seems to be decent at everything.  And big wood and powerful saws make him a happy lad.

So here's to new old normals my friends! 

Out of This World Transformation

Phew!  It was a hectic weekend (sort of).  I'm sure it felt more crazy than it was due to the fact that I had been beaten down by a head cold.  I was lucky enough to be able to help a hair stylist friend out and participate with her in a hair competition on Sunday (uh, hello free haircut and colour!!).  Not so lucky to have a head full of cement at the same time, but I persevered. 

So starting on Friday I began the preliminary transformation.  And in the span of 4 days I sported 4 different hair styles. 

The first pic was just plain old me!  The second picture was after two bleach out sessions and one colour wash attempt at magenta.  The last picture is what I'm actually sporting now - A more work appropriate hue, brown (but currently darker than it should be because of all the magenta underneath).  The below picture is actually after a second colour rinse (to further enhance and brighten the magenta) and sitting under the hot spot lights on a stage for 45 minutes while the lovely Miss Erin (hair stylist extraordinaire) Coursol cut off all my luscious (fried) locks. 

So I'm tired just typing it out, four hair makeovers in as many days.  No wonder my follicles are aching!  It was a pretty decent experience.  Unfortunately Erin didn't place this time around and that's no fault of the audience that's for sure.  We had total randoms coming up to us to tell us before the winners were announced that we should be taking top prize and after they were announced, we had people telling us that was a bullshit call and we had been robbed (ok those are more my words but the message was the same).  Which was a tiny, silver lining in Erin's day.  The masses loved her.  That's really what was important.  Oh and of course Vincent Petti voted us number 2!   And he's like totally a celebrity in the hair world, dontchyaknow? 

So now I'm just trying to figure out how to rock this hair style, it's a big change for me.  Bold and daring but I'm digging.  And of course I secretly like that Eric thinks I look like a Romulan from Star Trek.   

Animal Planet

A few times a year I try to get away for the night to the big city with some of my favourite ladies (and sometimes even a couple of 'gents) for an evening of dancing and drinks. 
I need to make a disclaimer right off the hop that my intentions when I go dancing is to do just that, dance.  Even when I wasn't in a relationship my reasoning was the same.  I love to dance.  I love to lose myself on the dance floor.  I often close my eyes and just feel the music and move.  I don't take much stock of what's going on around me (unless of course there is a train wreck near by and then I won't be able to peel my eyes off her/him), I'm just in the zone. 

Often during all these times I sneak moments to look around and watch it all unfold around me.  The mating dance if you will.  The dance floor can often turn into its own episode of Animal Planet.  On Animal Planet they film it so we, the viewers, can watch the animals stalk their prey on the open terrain.  It's not much different at the bar just more confined quarters.  I can almost, quite literally, see the pheromones emitting from the males when they pounce upon a girl ( the prey).  The energy that exudes from them when they are in hunting form is intense.  They do not take no for an answer very easily, but when they finally do, they just quickly move on to the next.  They probably think they can coerce their way through our force field.  Oh and look out if one of the targeted prey is an easy target or a willing target.  All gloves are off with regards to the other hunters.  The only difference between the bar and Animal Planet is the subjects in one are dressed better than the other (I'll let you decide if I'm talking about the animals or the bar hoppers). 

This past Saturday was no exception to this rule.  The hunters were in fine form on the dance floor and the prey were easily coerced.  I saw a lot of gross 'mating' going on, if you will.  So to the pathetic animals who joined us on the dance floor, I say thank you.  Thank you for providing me with 5 hours of additional entertainment over and above my beloved dancing. 

It's Award Season

I have been seriously lacking any sort of creative juices over the past couple of weeks.  Well creative when it comes to blogging anyway (I was busy making dress shirt pillows for all of my dad's siblings out of his left over dress shirts, so all my creativity went to those I suppose).  I guess I finally understand what writer's block is.  I'm still not really 'feeling it' when it comes to writing but since my friend Jess tagged me in a post, I can use this as an excuse to get my fingers wet again (sitting inside a hurricane should help too).   So I'm going to try really, really hard to come up with more than one word answers.  

So like every blog award (I feel like I've covered this before) there are rules.  There are always stupid rules.  You know, like those dumb skill testing questions that really are too easy, but I feel like they should be harder so I try to find the twist in the question and end up getting it wrong.  I mean, really, it's always 16 isn't it?  Lets get this "Leibster Award" (who comes up with these names?) show on the road, shall we?  I know you're just jonsing for a Holly blog fix by now aren't ya? 

 

 

Here are the Rules:

- Each person tagged must post 11 things about themselves.

- They must also answer the 11 questions the tagger has set for them.

- They must create 11 more questions to ask bloggers they have decided to tag.

- They must then choose 11 bloggers to tag with less than 200 followers.

- These lucky bloggers must be told.

- There are NO TAG BACKS.

 

 

11 things about myself (I'm honestly not sure I can come up with 11 interesting things):

 

1.  I'm 38 and when I let my hair grow and my roots come in there is not one grey hair yet.  Not one.  And I don't mean I plucked it out thus leaving none, I mean that option does not exist for me.  Yet. 

 

2.  I am the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life.  Still nothing I fret too much about.  Sane people get dressed, shower and have relations in the pitch black right?  But I am discovering the reality of 'thickening with age'.  Kind of sucks, but it could be so much worse.  I'm not at a point where I'm willing to sacrifice my food or laziness. 

 

3.  I pre-ordered Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 all by myself.  Like I just took it upon myself to do it.  Eric didn't even know it was coming out.  I pre-ordered it because I cannot wait to play the new Zombies and the new Nuketown boards.  My how the tables have turned. 

 

4.  On Friday, my hair will be fuscia for three days.  Then it will be brown.  But still no grey underneath.  Fuscia.  Yup you read that correct and no I'm not having a mid-life crisis (Oh my god, I'm totally at the point in my life where I'll soon be able to use that as an excuse!!).  I'm sure I'll feel inclined to blog about that later. 

 

5.  When I'm in the car I have to drive.  All the time.  If I don't, I get car sick.  (What am I?  Five?)  It's brutal.  It all started when I was pregnant with Gage and it's just gotten worse through the years.  The only time I'm ok is when I'm driving and even then once in a while the car sick monster wins. 

 

6.  I so badly wanted dark, bamboo floors in my house (I even suffered a near fatal injury over it).  I talked my dad and Eric into putting them in.  And when they are spotless they are beautiful, but with a houseful of people and animals, they suck.  Now I hate them.  Loathe them in fact and want to cover them up but I'm afraid to tell Eric. (Just pretend you're in court and strike that from the record Eric.)

 

7.  I have the patience of a saint, a....a....what has no patience?  A poor excuse for a doctor and this girl (wacka wacka, I said I had no patience not that I was lacking a sharp and witty sense of humour!).   I kind of think Eric hates that about me.  Kind of. 

 

8.  I signed an organ donor card.  But I refuse to give them permission to take my eyes, my skin or my bones.  I'm vain like that.  I know, I know....I'll let someone live a less than stellar life because of my vanity.  I didn't say I was an awesome person (though I am). 

 

9.  I have no actual talent.  Like I can't play an instrument, or do rad tricks on a skateboard, or sing well, or write poetry, or knit or crochet, or build shit, or cook without a recipe, or do a cartwheel on a balance beam.  Yup, I really lack in the skills department. 

10.  I enjoy looking for jobs for other people.  I like perusing the want ads in hopes of finding a listing that speaks to me about someone I know who needs a job.  Then I like to write cover letters and edit resumes and submit them for application on their behalf.  Sometimes they don't even know I do it.  I do not, however, want to search for a job for myself.  Nope, not ever again.  It's way too depressing.

11.  I have had the same pair of black Doc Marten's since 1992.  They still fit me (of course, I was totally done growing by then, yeesh) and on the rare occasion I still wear them.  I can't find it in me to get rid of them yet.  I've had the same pair of black Converse Chucks for 10 years.  I heart them.  They're still my go to shoe of choice.  My dog (who I sometimes hate [that should be #12]) tried to eat them and almost succeeded.  He almost died.  At my hands, not because of the actual ingestion of my shoe. 

 

Questions from Jess that I'm supposed to answer:

1. Cat or dog person?   Well even though I just got a dog, I'm still 100% a cat person. I'm just now a cat person with a dog thrown in for good measure.  You know, cause my life wasn't nearly hectic enough!
2. Favourite comfort food?   Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding and mash potatoes all smothered in gravy.  And preferably when someone else cooks it.  Why does food always taste better when it's been prepared by someone other than myself?
3. Favourite TV show?    Oh goodness, this could be a tough one.  I'll list a few that I've watched recently (Thank you Netflix USA).  The Big C, Sons of Anarchy, Freaks and Geeks, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec.   Aside from Netflix I do not watch TV.  Thank goodness for Facebook or I'd never have been aware of this impending hurricane!  No, nothing would have given it away. 
4. Favourite Christmas gift ever and why?  Definitely not the ugly, mustard yellow sweater my Grandma bought me one year.  Or the grey fanny pack I recently got.  Interesting how the worst presents stick out more than the most favourite ones. 
5. If you could meet any celebrity in the world, dead or alive, who would it be and why?  Perry Farrell, because he's just plain awesome.  He'd make me so nervous I'd probably be stupid.  He's already almost a real and true friend.  We're friends on Facebook and that means something these days doesn't it?  I just love him and not in a romantically, sexual way. 
6. What is your favourite way to spend a Friday night?  Ordering pizza, getting a 6 pack of cupcakes (good ones, not grocery store ones), watching the latest It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, then playing Call of Duty and slaying hundreds of zombies with Eric. 
7. What the item on your Bucket List you would most love to accomplish?  I haven't made a bucket list yet....I shall ponder this question. 
8. What song has the most meaningful lyrics to you and why?  Right now, The Escape Club -  I'll Be There. 
9. If you could go anywhere on vacation where would it be?  I'd be content to go just about anywhere right now.  I'd love to hit England, Amsterdam, Italy, Mexico (again), Australia, Africa...like I said, pretty much anywhere is fine with me.  I'm not picky, just as long as I'm away and I learn about a different part of the world. 
10. If you could learn a new language what would it be?  I'd be content to just know French fluently but for funsies, I'd like to speak Cantonese, because I think it would be super funny to hear that come out of my mouth. 
11. Ghosts: Real or figments of the imagination  Real.  We're even doing a paranormal study at work to see if they can scientifically detect any spirits (Oh there are some, that's for sure!).  Kind of looking forward to that! 

 

My list of questions now?  Yeesh this is a lot of pressure for someone not feeling so inclined to 'write'. 

1.  Do you hate pet birds as much as I do?  Do you have a good and valid reason to have a bird as a pet?
2.  What animal/critter/bug/etc. creeps you the f*ck out the most?
3.  If you had a list with your husband/wife with 4 "free passes" of famous people who were allowed to bed without recourse who would your two girls and two guys be?  Who would your spouse pick for their four?  Must be two guys/two girls.  Come on, even dudes have man crushes. 
4.  What's one food you put in your mouth and actually stop to savour it?  Every single time.
5.  Which of your parents did you go to first for a ride?  How about money?  What if you were arrested?  Which one would you call first?
6.  Who would you want to play you in the movie of your life?
7.  If you could change one part of your body without costing a butt-load of money or causing pain, what would you change?
8.  If you won 5 million dollars, do you already have it "spent" before you cash the cheque?  On what? 
9. What is the one thing that would totally turn you off when it comes to someone you could be attracted to?  You know, the thing you just couldn't look past or turn a blind eye to?
10.  What is the main useless information that is taking up way too much grey matter in your brain?  *Hint:  Mine's 80's ballad lyrics or 80's TV show theme songs (Show me that smile again...).
11.   How much do you love my blog?  Show me the warm gushy feelings people! 

 

I don't think I'm going to do nominees.  But you should totally go into my comment box and paste my questions there and then answer them for me to read!!  Won't that be fun?  It totally will.  You should do it. 

Now. 

Dress Shirt Throw Pillows

 

 

So when my father passed away, my sister and I got nuttin'.  No, no, we're not bitter (I'm trying to convince myself of that).  Well I suppose she did get something, she got some books.  But whatever, I don't really count those.  I hold on to the fact that my boys got something special of his and I suppose that's my share in a way.  So when I stumbled on this following idea I called my mom and secretly hoped she hadn't gotten rid of any of his clothes yet.  She hadn't.  Thank goodness for grief.  Am I right?  (I'M KIDDING, JEESH!). 

So for now I've taken possession of all of my dad's dress shirts.  I've pulled two out of the bunch to convert for my own keepsies and I figure eventually I'll turn all of them (including my two) into throw pillows!!  What's that?  What it is is a brilliant idea!  I think it's pretty cool that my dad once wore my throw pillows.  Wha-what?

So here goes.  I picked up some pillow forms at a garage sale for a buck each.  So basically these pillows cost me a buck each, not a bad score.  I measured the pillow, this particular one was 16 inches x 16 inches.  So I cut my material into a 16 inch square.  I didn't add much room to spare as I wanted it to be taut and not all loosey goosey.  I decided to include the pocket.  The inspiration photo I originally came across did not include the pocket, but I think it adds character and gives the impression that it was once a dress shirt. 

Once my squares were cut out I flipped them so the outsides were facing each other and I pinned them together .  Then I ran all four sides through my sewing machine.  Upon completion of all four sides I unbuttoned the shirt and inserted the pillow form.  Then I straightened it all out and did the buttons up again.  Et VOILA!  A throw pillow reminiscent of my daddio. 

This Moment {6} - The follow up

Man I have not had ANY motivation to blog lately...Sorry for the delay.
A couple of years ago (or maybe it was last Halloween, no I think it was two years ago...) Eric and I drove up to Toronto to spend the night in Boy's Town (or the Gay Village, or the Church St. District).  The gays (that's my term of endearment for them) always have the best costumes ever.  I wasn't disappointed in the finds on this trip. 

We got dressed up (I wore my Star Trek dress and Eric wore hospital scrubs and a lab coat) and we melded into the throngs of people who took over the shut down street, dressed in their Hallowed best.   I am a huge people watcher and gay lover so aside from the sheer numbers that would be roaming the streets I was totally looking forward to this night.  Within moments of turning onto Church St., Eric was surrounded by dudes dressed as girls who were harbouring for his affections and photo opportunities and I was critiqued and called a bitch because my Star Trek uniform looked better on me than the gay boy's looked on him.  I think it was a backhanded compliment....I think.  We ogled all the amazing costumes, impressed with the amount of effort these guys (and some gals) put into their outfits.  We saw the Queen of England, Count Chocula, Frankenberry, the Lucky Charms Leprechaun, and Cap'n Crunch, we saw the Flintstone gang including their foot powered car, we saw Converse running shoes (like for real life size), we saw a buttload (no pun intended) of drag queens, and we saw shit we just plain didn't understand.  At one point we saw two big, fat 'cheerleaders' who were cordial and lovely enough to allow us to take our picture with them, until they weren't.  As they walked away they pondered to themselves how she (yup me) was able to snag a hot specimen like him (they meant Eric), in disgust.  I could hear them still though.  *Where's my sad face emoticon?   I just want to love the gays so much, why the hate? 

But then I was cheered up by these fine pieces of ass.  My favourite boys of the night, hands down.  My "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" friends.  They loved me (or at least they did a much better job faking it for me).  We decided a picture was in order and it was their idea to lift our skirts.  We had so much fun with them and spending the Halloween festivities in Boys Town.  I can't wait for the opportunity to do it again soon!

This Moment {6}

If you're new to my blog (thanks to the October blogging challenge) and keep coming back then you'll soon learn that every Monday I have a ritual. **I've borrowed an idea from Janine over at Reflections From a Redhead who borrowed it from Thom at To Gyre and Gambol, who initially borrowed it from Cath at Just My Thoughts. So I too have started a Monday ritual.

One image will be posted. No words will describe it. It will capture a moment from my past - memories that I cherish. Then on Friday I will post part 2 of this new ritual where I will share the story behind the photo. This borrowed idea is called {This Moment}.

Dog Parking

Today it was so beautiful outside, we decided it was finally the right time to take Dempsy to the dog park.  From the moment I walked through the double fence it was crystal clear to me and the others that I was a newbie and out of sorts.  Eric was lagging behind me and I since I was alone and not quite sure how Dempsy would react with the other dogs I played it safe and kept him on his lead.  Dead giveaway number one right?  I stood out like a sore thumb to the other dog moms and dads (God, I hate that saying).  I mean who goes to the dog park and makes their dog stay on his leash?  Ahaha, this girl. 

After Dempsy spotted a couple other dogs playing, I decided it was do or die time so I let him off his lead and was immediately scolded by the other humans because I didn't take his prong collar off.  Uhm, what?  Oh nevermind it's just a choker, you're good.  Phew, thank goodness I was good, cause I could tell a scolding would have followed. Yeesh.  Holy pressure at the dog park, and not the warmest welcoming, that's for sure!

I think most of us, who have common sense, can figure out the basic etiquette at the dog park:

If your dog doesn't play nice, go home.
Pick up after your dog.
Have your dog vaccinated.
Don't bring a dog in heat into the park.
Leave small children at home.

But there are other dog park 'unwritten' rules out there.  Oh don't kid yourself.  Rules that us green dog owners need to learn, and quick before we end up shunned like we're in high school again (and believe me, there are cliques at the dog park).  In the half an hour that I was there it didn't take me long to realize that these doggy parents police (I think they make up their own laws too) that park pretty strictly and have ZERO problem telling other dog owners where they are slacking (and I thought moms were the judgiest of all, moms of dogs are far, FAR worse).  I think I need tougher skin. 

So today I learned that I should never, ever bring a ball.  (How do I make a sad face?  And what if there are no dogs around for Dempsy to play with?)  I get that you probably shouldn't use a ball if there are other dogs around, I'm not an idiot.  I understand that it could create a territorial behaviour from mine or someone else's pup.  But I felt like a scolded 5 year old when I was told to "lose the ball".  No hello, no f*ck you, just LOSE THE BALL.  Just like that, after the scolding about a non existant collar that was the next sentence out of their mouths.  Sometimes I hate people. 

I also learned we should bring some water.  I guess I assumed there would be a water station/fountain/tap like at the city owned cemeteries.  Wrong.  There is a community water bowl though.  Go figure.  My dog drank a lot of other people's water today.  I'm a bad dog mom. 

And for the love of all things canine, we humans no longer have our own identity.  You do not ask another human being's name once you are inside those fences (I felt like I was at an AA meeting).  We, as individual people, no longer exist.  I am merely Dempsy's Mom.  Ugh.  This reason alone makes me not want to ever go back to the dog park.  But since he enjoyed it so much today and it was a decent experience for him overall, we likely will try it out again. 

This time I'll be prepared.  This time I shall trade the ball for the water.  This time I won't be so 'green'.  This time I might throw the 'tude back at them (I figure if I pretend to know what I'm doing in the confines of those fences I can probably pull it off) when they make me feel like the worlds worst person.  I'm kind of glad my boy Demps didn't go over to them when they called his name.  I'm glad he ignored her.  *Now how to I make a sticking out my tongue emoticon on here? 

The Wood Will Renew The Foliage It Sheds

In the spring I thought it would be a brilliant idea to turn Gage's bedroom on the main floor of my house into a den and build him a new bedroom in the unfinished part of our basement.  On paper that seemed like a logical (still does) and quick transformation (not so much).  We are still far from finished the den and no where near completion on Gage's new space.  Instead he has completely taken over our rec room and destroyed it in the process.  Arg!  Following his room creation we'll be re-doing the rec room now.  No travels for us this year! 

Gage's room before furniture removal but after personal effects removed.

The point of this post is to introduce you to the main hiccup or the most time consuming aspect of the den transformation.  Our pallet wall.  I saw this idea on Pinterest and I loved the raw look of the wood.  I knew, aside from the work, Eric would also embrace this idea as he loves all things woodsy and natural.  So pallet searching we-a-went!  We lucked out huge when a friend of ours was able to bring us a butt truck load of pallets on a few occasions.  This saved us driving around looking (which we only had to do once).  And of course not every board on the pallet was in decent shape or suitable for using so we had a lovely trashy collection of pallets on our patio all summer.

It took a lot of physical labour to remove the usable boards from the pallets.  We deemed it better to cut through the nails with a saw rather than try to pry the boards off.  Prying them off would just result in breaking and cracking the boards.  This was merely one aspect I didn't take into consideration when I envisioned a quick finish date. 



Eric showing me his displeasure.

The second set back was the fact that it was thought best that we pull the drywall down off the one wall we had chosen to recover.  Drywall/plaster, same thing right?  Nope.  Plaster is a son of a bitch!  So that took way, WAY longer than I had thought and created way, WAY more of a mess than I was anticipating.  The metal gridding behind the plaster was the bane of Eric's existance.   Finally with the wall down to the studs we were able to put up the two sheets of plywood we had purchased.  I think we got 1/2 inch plywood to put over the studs.  The thought process behind this was:  Because the slats from the pallets are of different variances if there were any small gaps or spaces between slats then it wouldn't be as obvious with the wood plywood peaking through it rather than a painted wall.  And, my wall wouldn't be jutting out an extra inch or so from the orginal studs.  Eric is so smart, sometimes his extra work pays off. 

Now it was finally time to put the slats up onto the wall (the one part of the project I was totally focusing on).   After 5 lines I was coming to really appreciate how this wall was going to look upon completion.  Thank goodness we were only doing one accent wall.  I can't imagine trying to 'panel' an entire room with this process.  Now that the slats are all up it looks amazing.  Even though this project set my den make-over back like 3 months (working full time for a living and trying to squeeze this in isn't always practical) I have no regrets about this decision.

It's time to start piecing the room together.  I can't wait to see the finished project with all the crafty stuff I've done for it and in turn, show you the end result!  I'm looking forward to having a new room to hang out in.  I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  It will all be worth it.    

 

Empty

I can honestly say that I've never been so angry, upset and frustrated over something that doesn't directly or personally involve me than I am right now over the situation involving Amanda Todd, here in Canada. 

Amanda is a 15 year old girl who made a stupid mistake judgement call more than a few years ago when she was in GRADE 7.  (For f*ck sake she was 12.  Twelve year olds are allowed to make mistakes.)  A mistake that some man (I use that term loosely as I feel he's a pathetic excuse of a human being.) has continued to haunt her with, torment her with, used as ammo to enlist the help of many others to torment her, basically destroy her life with.  He has found her and stalked her on Facebook each time (3 times in total) she switched schools to get away from her bullies there.  He just couldn't let it go, she was an easy prey. 

This is Amanda's video (her story, seeking help) that she posted the day before she was successful in yet another attempt on her own life.  She died on October 10th of this year.  I am heartbroken for a girl I do not know, nor will I ever get the chance to meet.  I am saddened and left with a feeling of hollowness for every single kid in this world that is suffering at the hands and actions of others.  I am scared for the future of our children.  I am feeling helpless that there seems to be nothing I can do and I feel hopeless because nothing seems to be being done by those in a position to do something.  I am sickened that these bullies continue to get away with their actions and choices, and those who are the victims and their families are left to suffer. 

I know that my reaction is not right, but I wish great harm on those perpetrators and their families.  I hope nothing good comes their way.  I hope they suffer from the hands of another.  I hope they feel pain every single day of their life. I wish I could physically maim them.  I wish I could torture them and laugh in their faces when they cried for mercy.  I wish every single horrible thing that I would often say I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy happens to them.  I know it's childish and doesn't make what happened any better. I know by wanting those things I just stoop to their level, but I don't give a shit.  They have, in a round about way, taken another girls life.  They have destroyed a family.  I hope they get to experience the same pain.  They walk around all smug in their actions, they have created Twitter accounts to still torment and berate her after her death, they are still posting photos of her making a mockery of her .  They make me ashamed to share a species and a nation with them.  I am disgusted that Twitter and Facebook allow this behaviour to continue.  (Today I filed a report to Facebook asking them to remove a mocking photo of Amanda that is circulating on Facebook and they have denied my request.  I am sickened.  Yet another fine example of how those in some sort of power are failing our children.) 

The RCMP states that they are lodging a 'full investigation' and maybe it's the cynic in me but I can guarantee that NOTHING will be done about this.  For once I hope with every fibre of my being that I'm wrong.   I'm experiencing crazy mixed emotions when it comes to her parents as well.  My heart bleeds for them right now.  I cannot imagine having to sit with them to make funeral arrangements.  I hurt for them, as a fellow parent, as a human being.  However, I can assure you had this been my child they would have been stripped of any social media outlets, and home schooled if this still carried on following a school change.  I wouldn't let my kid out of my site if they had previous unsuccessful suicide attempts.  I would be in the police station asking why this man hadn't been charged with distribution of child pornography, I'd be asking why they weren't at the schools charging these kids with harassment.  I wouldn't have allowed my child to make the decision to not press charges.  As a minor that choice should fall on me, not her.  I suppose this is all hindsight at this point, but there are so many other choices that could have been made. 

Please take the 8 minutes to watch her silent video.  And then do yourself, but more importantly do your children, a favour and watch it with them.  Talk to them about Amanda's story.  Let them understand the consequences of their actions should they decide to bully another human being because of a stupid judgement call.  Let them know that bullying does hurt people indefinitely.  Let them know it isn't right even if all their friends say it is.  But also let them know that if someone is bullying them that you'll be an advocate for them, that you will do everything in your power to protect your children from another's harm and then follow through with it.  All of it. 

This whole situation has been eating at me for two days now.  I shudder to think about how much my own situation in high school could have escalated if my bullies had had the power of the Internet and social media like Facebook existed.  My bullies eventually got bored and moved on, but Facebook just continues to add fuel to the fire.  I sit here and think about those I went to school with who were bullies and I wonder if they look back with remorse or if they are truly oblivious to their actions and how they've affected others.   I can't stop thinking about this.  I wish there was a way to help.  I'm feeling helpless and hopeless for our kids futures.  I could go on and on about this situation.  Right now I'm just empty. 

Words can hurt or heal.  What did yours do today?