First and foremost my heart breaks for the parents and families of all the victims. I know when I send Roan off to school each day that the farthest fear in my mind is that someone will shoot up his school. I suppose it always lingers in the back of my mind about Gage, but that's to be expected right? I mean we hear about teen aged angst all the time and unfortunately that angst sometimes leads to school shootings. But never an elementary school. Roan is supposed to be safe for another 2 1/2 years right??? I also know like most parents that not every day before school goes swimmingly. Sometimes I yell at Roan and we both leave the house mad at each other because things didn't go smoothly while he was getting ready for school and I for work. My heart breaks for that mom who dropped her kid off at school that fateful morning frustrated and angry because he didn't do all the stuff he was supposed to do in the allotted time period. The extra turmoil she must be feeling.... So that's kind of where I'm stuck mainly. Focusing on my own flaws as a parent and my reactions to a little person when he strays from MY norm.
I'm frustrated with the system. And that's quite ironic for me to say because I don't really understand the system. But I genuinely believe the system can't fix all this. No matter what everyone and their brother suggests, I just don't see a government being able to repair this and stop it from ever happening again. Or maybe I'm just so cynical about the system that I figure they won't even try.
But my frustrations lie mainly with the media. I have a harder time each day believing anything I read or see on the news. I feel like the media is corrupting us all. They sensationalize all this shitty stuff and give fucked up people something to strive to surpass-almost like the Guinness Book of World Records. All they seem to focus on is the killer, their message and their motive. No one ever remembers the names of the victims. So if someone has ever felt alone in this world, invisible to everyone else what better way to become popular and well known than to do something so catastrophic that his name is front and centre in every one's minds? It's pretty clear that if he just killed himself in the confines of his own home the media would never report that. He would have still died alone-a sad nobody who is still unknown to most. By doing something so horrific he will be infamous for generations to come. He will have made history books. I'm frustrated that particularly in this situation that took place a few days ago there is no known motive or reason (yet) behind the actions of this disturbed man but the media has taken it upon themselves to educate all of us loyal readers and listeners and label him with Asperger's (a form of Autism), a nerd, a genius, a loner, and a sufferer of a personality disorder. All things that add up to CRAZY, am I right? So frustrating.
And while I'm on the subject of frustrating I have seen numerous people post a list of all the victims names on the internet in the hopes of remembering at least one of them instead of just the killer's name. Novel and admiral idea, but how come this guys mother's name isn't on that list?? She was off'd by her son but because he was her son clearly she's not a victim like the other's? Maybe she tried desperately to stop him that morning and lost. What's become of our society when we are held responsible for the shitty actions of our adult children? As parents (just like the ones who lost their children this week) all we can do is hope we raise our kids to be good people. It's our job to give them emotional support when they need it but we're not all perfect and sometimes the mentally ill have a really decent way of hiding it from those closest to them. Why is she automatically lumped in with the evil that this man did? Or his father and brother for that matter? And don't tell me it's because she was the legal owner of those guns. I don't buy it. She didn't buy those guns with the intent for him to use them on a Grade 1 classroom full of kids. And can I add, she LEGALLY owned them? What is wrong with us as a society that we are so quick to condemn an uninvolved individual for someone else's actions? You better all look closely at your children and pray to whatever entity helps you sleep soundly at night that your own children don't do something as repulsive and unforgivable. Because you too will be shunned.
I haven't watched much of the news or read too many articles because it saddens me enough just knowing this happened. I don't need to listen or read all the mindless bullshit that is out there. I don't need opinions of the reporters, or hearsay from bystanders to alter my own feelings about this situation. What I do need to do is hug my kids more, keep the lines of communication open at all times, ask the right questions, choose my battles in the morning over cereal more carefully and hope with every fibre of my being that my children don't do something that destroys another life in any way, shape or form. And really, I think that's the only way as whole that we can diminish these sort of events from happening. We will never be rid of them, we'd be kidding ourselves to think we could.
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