Sunday, September 16, 2012

A Letter to the Ex

Hey You,

How is it that a human being can make so many wrong decisions and screw up everything that was good in his life, but yet it's still all someone else's fault? 

Blame:  to place the responsibility for a fault, error, etc. on someone else.

How can so much go wrong in your life in such a small period of time and you are still not capable of seeing how your actions and choices are the reason you are where you are?  It's always someone else's fault.  Things are the way they are because "others aren't sympathetic to your situation".  Other's don't try to understand. 

It's hard for me to understand when I, myself, am not an adulterer.  I can't simply get it because I don't bail continuously on my children and expect you to sit idly back and watch.  You're right, I don't understand how it got this far, because I chose not to turn to the bottle and drugs when shit got hard.   I cannot comprehend how putting your job on the line week in and week out is bettering your stressful situation.  I cannot fathom how one chick after another is improving things for you when you haven't finalized your shit with the one you're married to.  I will never understand how you could pick your f*cked up, drug addicted, disrespectful, violent brothers (whom you basically just met) over your own children.   I can't find it in me to sympathize with you because I will never end up where you are.  

You have found yourself in a place that you, alone, traveled to - on a bus labeled "Choices".  It's gonna be a lonely life when you realize you're going to be taking up residence in your town of Desperation.   There, you will come to understand that it's gone too far for too long to ever go back. 

How is it everyone else's fault that you don't follow through with anything you tell your children?  How is it everyone else's fault that you allowed your children to witness you in a physical altercation where you were injured?  They were in your care, relatively alone and terrified for your safety and theirs.  It was up to you to make the right choice for them. You didn't. 
How is it everyone else's fault that you are teaching your boys terrible lessons in relationships when you parade a new girl in front of them every time you decide to spend some pathetic excuse of time with them? 
How can you, with any conscience, make comments on Facebook to invoke replies of sympathy from ignorant outsiders towards you without explaining all the shitty things that you have done to bring you to this place? 
How do you keep burying your head in the sand up your ass?
How can you still think that because you pay your child support on a relatively consistent basis you're a great and contributing dad?  It's the only thing you've got going for you, and if you keep screwing up at work, that will be gone too. 
How can you even question that I think you're a loser? 

Psst...   I do!

So once again (for the umpteenth time) you need to step back and give your head a shake.  You need to target the main areas of your life that are the most important and you need to start finding a way to fix them.  Before it really is too late.   Just a heads up though; the marriage one is too far gone.  You will never get that back so you should probably stop asking her to reconsider.  You can however make the last dying days of it a little easier on you both if you man up and do your part. 
The next step is making the decision to rid yourself of your deadbeat family and focus on what should be the two most important boys in your life.  No, not your bros, your sons.  It's sad that I must keep reminding you that you had two sons.  Because it sure doesn't seem that way.  You need to stop asking me to 'bare with you, you're going through some hard times' because I just don't give a shit to listen to your inane babbling any longer.  It's all bullshit and nothing comes to fruition.  You are the boy who cried wolf.  Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie in hopes of bettering yourself and how people perceive you. 

Get your shit together or one day you'll turn around and realize that the boys haven't followed you.  This is my last attempt at helping you because frankly it's useless as you can't see this as anything but
an attack.  Please keep in mind though it's taken me 8 months to 'turn' on you.  I've tried reasoning with you, I've tried pleading with you, I've tried working with you, I've tried compromising with you.  I'm done. 

Stop blaming other's and clean up your own mess.

With disgust,
You're first ex-wife and the mother of your children (nothing more)


  1. If only he would read and understand. Unlikely, but hey, a blogger can dream, right?

  2. He was sent a much more detailed letter two weeks ago outlining the consequences should he not make the necessary improvements and he's avoided me since. But through another person told them I just don't understand what he's going through and that me and his current ex (the stepmother of my kids for the past 10 years) are teaming up on him. All we were trying to do was outline his errors and point out the consequences before they happen in hopes that that would be the wake up call he needed. Nope.

  3. One couldn't be so lucky to have 2 ex's continuing to try to help with someone like this. I'm sure both of you have been through the ringer and back. One day MAYBE he will see the light, before he does lose his children. That one day should be sooner than later.
    The 2 of you need to step back and let the cookie crumble you have done what you could I'm sure for the children's sake, and their sake only.