Thursday, March 1, 2012

In the Quiet Moments...

I'm laying in my bed with my computer sitting in my lap.  I should be getting dinner ready or going to the gym like I had planned.  Instead I'm doing everything in my power not to move because beside me lays my most favourite kitty in the whole world who happens to be gravely ill.  She is my kindred kitty and to say I'm devastated would be an understatement. 

I'm choosing to stay here because I'm not sure how much time I have left with her and for right now, in this moment, it's just me and her.  It is very clear that she is comforted with me here beside her.  (She's trying her hardest to purr for me.) And I am comforted with her beside me.

I have always had cats in my life (thank you mom and dad) and for the majority of it I've always wanted a Siamese.  Seven years ago I brought one into my heart, my home and my life.  Kanika "Nika" joined me and the boys in the spring of 2005 after being born on my dad's birthday the previous December 20th.  She was my baby.  She was sweet and chatty and tiny and all together awesome.  Everything I had hoped for in a Siamese, I got.  She has adapted well to all the changes that have come her way in her 7 years.

Two days ago I noticed she wasn't her usual self and had lost what little weight she had.  The poor thing was just skin and bones.  We took her to the vet yesterday and they immediately put her on IV fluids as she was extremely dehydrated and ran a gamut of tests on her blood.   My Nika-bear has liver failure.  And barring doing a biopsy at an expense I just can't afford, we are taking a chance that the vet's guess is correct.  That out of the three options of liver failure she has the one that's treatable.  Fatty Liver Disease.  So for now, I've brought her home to administer drugs, and force feed her in hopes that she'll start to bounce back.  We will know within a weeks time if we guessed right or not.  She'll either start to perk up or continue to go down hill.  The silver lining if there must be one is that this type of disease doesn't cause them any pain.  The most she'll feel is bleh.  Similar to how we feel when we have the flu.  For that I'm extremely grateful.

So for now I'll sit quietly here beside her and relish in the knowledge that she picked me as her person in life and she still picks me as her person in sickness.  When I went to pick her up at the vet's today as soon as I spoke to her she immediately came over to me and laid her head in my hands.  She has found her way up on to my bed to lay beside me and keeps looking at me and purring.  She loves me and I love her.  It's seems so ridiculous to feel this way over a cat and I can't really wrap my head around how much this is hurting me and the anxiety and pressure I feel for her to get better.  I'm just not ready to lose her too.  So I'm gonna go and keep petting my cat.  I'm gonna do everything a human can do to reassure a cat that she is safe and loved.

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