So while I'm still disappointed in the behaviour of my thirteen year old lately, the disappointment towards his father has trumped it. I know Gage is 13, he's growing and learning right from wrong as he works his way through life. I'll get passed this provided he learns from his mistakes and becomes a better person.
His father, on the other hand, is 37 years old and I'm not sure he isn't just a bigger version of a 13 year old. Maybe he is too proud to teach his son a very valuable lesson when one is needed, I'm not sure about his ideas behind his decisions and I don't think he's teaching the boys anything good with this decision. I feel like it's an up hill battle. I know my kids are good kids and I know they will make mistakes through out life and I know they will do wonderful things as well. But I can't help but feel like I'm swimming against the current on most things. It's only fair to keep their dad in the loop, but it sometimes leaves me frustrated.
I know when I had children with him I signed on for a lifelong tie to him. More frustrating when he's the very first person in line bashing my parenting skills. And I'm not one to toot my own horn, but I'm a damn good mom and being as removed from my parenting as he is gives him no right to even remotely critique my abilities. I try to remain sane and civil by reminding myself that he didn't really have a true father figure growing up, so he has nothing to model himself after. And when he finally did meet his real dad well, they are more friends (of course, they're adults, that goes without saying). He models his relationship with the boys after him and his father (or what he wanted from a father growing up). His real father who was never there to go through the shit with him, discipline him, set rules for him, etc. Right now, he needs to know he can't be their best friend AND their dad.
**Because someone has read this blog and misconstrued it and ran immediately to my ex to inform him I would like to clarify that these are my feelings about the subject. This does not imply that my ex isn't a part of the boys lives. Quite the contrary. If he wasn't involved I wouldn't have been faced with these frustrations. I am completely aware that I will never get through this life without having the odd frustration with my ex and he with me. It's just not sane to even think that way. But he loves his kids and that has never been a debate. I'm just hoping as they get into their formative years that he'll realize when it's appropriate to step in as the father and not as their friend. I don't like feeling like I'm always the disciplinary or hard ass. This should be a two way street. Again, this blog was about MY frustration and how I saw things.