Sunday, June 10, 2012

Not Walking the Walk or Talking the Talk

Last year our family participated in the Relay For Life Cancer Walk in Windsor in honour of my daddio.  It had only been a couple of months since he had passed away so the wounds were still oozing with freshness.  It was an evening of mixed emotions.  Extremely emotional for me to watch the cancer survivors march as an act to "open" the walk but lovely to be surrounded by my dad's (and my) amazing family.  I cannot begin to do them justice for the way they ALL pulled together to support us and each other at, probably, the most difficult time most of us have/had gone through.  It was such a rewarding evening that this year the family was on tap to do it all over again.  This time with a potential lantern release (similar to a balloon release) and a proper tent set up and everything.  Then shit went down.  Waaaayyyy down.  And I've decided I'm not going this year.  And there won't be a next year. 

The point of the walk for me wasn't to raise money for the Cancer Society (though I was quite proud that we raised over $5000.00 in his honour as a family).  Quite the contary as I really don't believe strongly about that particular charity.  It was to acknowledge my dad (first and foremost) and to spend time with his (our) family as a whole unit. 
This year though, there is some huge shit (and that's the only way I can figure out how to properly descibe it) going on within my dad's family.  Mainly between two of his sisters but it seams like even without really trying everyone else is being pulled into it whether it's intended or not.  I'm doing my utmost best to remain neutral on the subject or rather just stay out of it all together and not get involved. I suppose I'm privy to a little bit of what's going on but not the nitty gritty details and that's just fine with me.   I'm not sure I have enough information to actually form an educated opinion on the subject.  Never the less, this situation has put a huge divide through what was once a very close family.  This year the majority of the family will not be present at the walk so I've decided that I'm not going either.  I just won't get out of it what I wanted to get out of it, what I got out of it last year and what I need to get out of it should I go this year. 

I have a pretty clear idea of what my father would say about doing the walk amongst all this crap, so I'd rather just stay home.  I'd rather not listen to people I love talk smack about other people I love.  I'd rather not hear information from either party that would taint my opinion of the other party.  I'd rather not have to fake my way through the night just to play nice should I form a negative opinion.  So I'll stay home and make sure my kid gets to work on time.  I'll help Eric at my mom's house work on the pergola he's building for her.  I'd rather hit up garage sales.  I will work towards the completion of my den.  These things are just more important to me right now.  And the main thing is I'll still keep loving all the people I love, faults and all.  Because sometimes ignorance is bliss.

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