Out with the old and in with the NEW!

So aside from making one or two pseudo resolutions (of things that I really, really should do anyway),  I've decided that instead of setting myself up for disappointment by making lists of things I know I won't accomplish, I'm thinking of having a New Year's Eve Burning Ceremony. I got this idea from a lady who got the idea from her church so to speak. 

Here's what it entails:  You set up your fire -- fireplace, woodstove, candle in a nice ceramic/metal bowl, grill, kitchen stove and a pan, match and a concrete step or bare patch of earth or whatever -- then you write on small pieces of paper, in just a few words, things that you want to be free from in the new year. Emotional things you've been stuck on, relationships (or aspects of them) you're ready to be done with, habits you're oh-so-more-than-ready to quit; anything you want out of your physical, emotional, or spiritual space.

Then you light the freakin' things on fire and cackle with glee as they burst into flames and are released to the universe!  This is the part where you will laugh and laugh and laugh. 

Actually I'm thinking it can be very therapeutic, even for those of us who aren't really spiritual.

The whole New Year's thing has typically been a let down for me over the years.  I, somewhere along the way of life, have picked up the notion that it is supposed to be very meaningful.   It has rarely ever met that standard.   Maybe this silly simple little ceremony will help.   It can go many ways, yet again leaving me let down by something I've built up, it may prove to be a relaxing celebration, or a quiet reflection.

So here's saying good bye to 2011 and hello to 2012!  Burn baby, burn!  I'll make sure I don't burn the house down.  We all know what kind of luck I have with fire.

Birthday Wishes

Tuesday the 20th was my dad's birthday.  I have been focused so much on Christmas and how I was both dreading it and trying to figure out a way to honour him that I gave little thought to how his birthday might affect me.  Well my feet were kicked out from underneath me and I got punched in the gut with grief (repeatedly). 

I am lacking any real energy or desire to blog about it, but needless to say it was the third most emotional day of my life, thus far.  The first being the day he died and the second being the day of our final farewell.  I couldn't get a handle on my emotions and I had a complete emotional breakdown.  I suppose I knew this day would come.  Of course, I've cried since his funeral, many times.  But nothing like what I just went through.  I was a wreck.  I still feel drained. 

Gage wanted to get a cake for his birthday so I grabbed some cupcakes on my way home from (a pointless day of) work.  After dinner, the four of us lit a candle in each of our cupcakes, quietly made a wish or said a prayer for my dad then blew out our candles.  I'm happy with what we chose to do to honour him.  He'd be ok with that.  Simple, just like him. 

Happy 62nd birthday dad!  We love you. 

Thanks to LB for making me this picture collage.

Maneating Presents!

Eric and Roan went shopping yesterday and bought me presents.  Last night Eric wrapped them.  This is what I found this morning under the tree.  Well more in front of the tree than under it.   But I'm pretty sure if it wanted to be under the tree it would have the strength of 10 thousand men and destroy anything in its way. 

A robot made of presents!!  A wonderfully bright silver lining to an otherwise dreary holiday season for me.

Never Forget

This year as you know, Roan put up the Christmas tree and decorated it himself.  He decided to put the bookmark from my dad's funeral in the tree as a makeshift ornament. 

Jodi surprised me yesterday with a new Christmas ornament for our tree.  It seriously warms my heart to know she thought enough about me and the gammet of emotions we will be and have been going through this Christmas and ordered me an ornament for the tree to represent my dad.  I have a group of truly wonderful friends in my life.  It really is about the little things. 

Red Eyed Flies

In the beginning of summer Eric and I were shopping and came across an item for three bucks.  It was guaranteeing that it would catch all the flies in my backyard so they didn't pester us when we sat out on the patio.  We opened it and set it up.  Mildly disappointed and pretty sure it wasn't going to work.  We were right.  Not one fly was caught (in the first month or so).  But the magic potion that was supposed to lure the flies, reeked.  Like a dead fish.  So disgusting.  We ended up having to put it pretty far away from the patio so we weren't constantly grossed out by the smell of decaying fish.  All for naught.  Or so we thought...

At the end of August Eric pointed out to me what our 'fishing for flies' expedition yielded.  Double ew!  The bag weighed about 4 lbs, made up of mostly dead flies.  The weird thing was that in the solution, their eyes turned red. 

Bathroom Research

Couldn't find my laptop anywhere the other day.  Sometimes Roan borrows it.  Sometimes it's Gage.  I went looking for it.  To no avail.  Gage didn't have it and Roan was using the washroom.  So after about 10 minutes of looking and coming up empty I decided to pop the door open and see if Roan had seen it.  Much to my delight and dismay, he had....

The Holiday Season is Among Us.

Oh happy holidays! I figure if I keep saying it, eventually I'll believe in it.  It's that time of year when friends and loved ones gather to toast and cheer and reflect upon the year.  We think about our wins (not too many this year) and our losses (the most profound), our hurts (my heart) and our healings (my soul), and then we look into the future and think about the New Year and decide to believe it can only be better. 

So here are my cheers to 2011 and what I am grateful for:  I am grateful for my family.  They give me strength and comfort.  All of them.  This year showed me, deep to my core, that my family is so much more than my children, Eric, my parents and siblings.  My extended family carved a much deeper resting place in my heart than they already sat.  I am grateful for my father and all that he was to me and all that he will remain to me.  I am grateful for my in-laws who have welcomed me and my boys into their family. I am grateful for my friends who know even in my absence how important they are to me and still love me.   I am grateful for my job and the staff I get to work with.  My head is covered by a roof and I am able to adequately feed my family and keep us warm.  I am grateful to my cats.  Though they make me crazy, they also make me smile.

A few last holiday thoughts:  As we sleep in our beds, may we remember the homeless.  As we visit with friends and family, may we remember the lonely.  And as we sit down to dinner, may we remember the hungry. 

Happy Holidays to all those I love and beyond!  Cheers to a much brighter 2012!

Love in Mysterious Ways

Before leaving for Houston, Gage (14 years old) tells me not to get myself massacred.  I am pretty sure that was his way of telling me he loved me without any prompting from me. 

D'aw, my teenager loves me. 

Houston. Houston. Tomato. Tomato.

Random Facts (at least in Holly's mind):

I am filled with illusions of grandeur.  It is not currently 80 degrees here.  The high today was 63 and clearly I missed it. 

I found myself feeling much more content on an airplane when there was a uniformed pilot sitting in the seat directly in front of me and one sitting in the seat directly behind me. 

Louis C.K. should be way more handsome.  I would then want to sleep with him.  Funny men make me laugh.  And laughing makes me....  It really is a travesty that he isn't better looking.  Probably doesn't help that he reminds me of my brother.  Maybe that's the problem!

Stetsons even run amok in the airport.  It didn't take long to come across my first one. 

Houston airport gave me my luggage right away.  That never happens to me.  Nope, not ever. 

Company credit cards are lame.  What's the point in having one if it isn't going to work!?

I ate dinner alone in a restaurant for the first time in my life.  I never want to do that again!  It turned out NOTHING like a Hollywood movie.  Total let down. 

There are way too many hot, expensive, sleek vehicles in this city that keeps throwing how much money is here in my face.  I want some in my pocket. 

Blockbuster still exists here.  Case in point about the loads of money in this city comment. 

I think I just cost myself $8.  I lifted the mini bottle of JD out of the bar fridge to admire its cuteness.  I think I got charged for it.  I put it back.  It might be too late.  I don't even like JD.

I am, however, enjoying a $3.50 can of gingerale from said fridge.  I'll try to take more than just three sips.

I feel like I'm laying on the back of a fluffy goose.  A smooshy, squishy, fluffy goose.  This bed is amazing (said just like Charlie Day would say it)!

The drive into the downtown core of Houston hit me almost as much as driving into NYC does.  Almost, but not quite.  It was still pretty awesome. 

I'm pretty bummed I forgot the camera.  All this and I haven't even made it to head office where I have to introduce myself to the "front guard".  A guard!  I'm gonna admit, I'm a little excited about this.  In my mind, he is NOT the same as a door man.