Waiting games are no fun. And after this spring I've lost most of my faith in our medical system. I'm trying really hard to push my thoughts to the back of my mind. At some points during the day I'm successful, at others not so much. Moments like these I wish I had more optimism. Sadly, I'm lacking.
I know as I get older there are going to be more and more times like this that creep into my life. I hope with experience I'll get used to them. I highly doubt it though. I'm almost envious of those people who are estranged from their family. Maybe after the anger it all just hurts less.
I'm trying to muster up good thoughts, but I think just ignoring them and pretending it's not happening is easier for my sanity. I'm still broken. Not even close to being repaired enough to go through this rollercoaster of emotions again.
I hope, just like in the far past, that we can slide through these set backs easily. I love my family. ALL of them and this makes my heart hurt all over again.
Please be well.