There is nothing in my relationship with my father that I look back negatively on and wish things had been different. Honestly. I hadn't given it much thought until this morning. I decided (with the push from my mom) to speak to a bereavement counselor. My main goal was to talk to her in hopes that she could shed some light and ideas on how I can better counsel or talk to my kids (more importantly Gage) about my dad's death. She helped in that area, but since we spent two full hours yacking with each other it was inevitable that my own feelings would eventually be discussed. And in that discussion
I know I'm lucky. I know most people have regrets. Things they can't go back and change after a death. It's actually quite common. I can't remember the last time (or even one in particular) where I got into a fight with my dad. Not even a true arguement. Of course I'm an adult so the odds decrease as we get older, but I can't even come up with one from my teen years. I can think of lots of 'fights' with my parents, but in reality I think it was mainly me and my mom. He probably just stepped in to side with her.
I think I've found another thing to hang on to. I was blessed with a wonderful father but more importantly, a wonderful relationship with my father. We were comfortable with each other and all the dynamics of what our relationship was comprised of. He was a good parent and I am starting to believe I have subconsciously chosen to mimic him in my own parenting skills.
Thanks dad. You are an amazing man, inspiration and hero. You will be with me long past my own dying day. This I will believe.