Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Almost Time

It's only a matter of weeks left.  Mere days until a part of me leaves.  There's a feeling of emptiness and despair that comes over me when I think about it for more than a millisecond.  I know it's silly, but for the past 18 years + he's been the one constant in my life.  He's what kept me going, what kept me persevering.  It's just been me and him, then me and him and Roan and then we added Eric to the mix, but it's been me and him always.  I'm not really ready to lose him just yet.  It's all happened so, so fast.  I've blinked and just like that his needing me is gone like a blip.  Everyone says it won't be like that, that he'll always need me but be realistic, boys don't up and call their mothers frequently or check in as often as we'd like.  He'll meet someone and then that person will take up where I've unwillingly left off...And I hope I like that person because if I don't well then what?!?  These are the things I've been thinking about.  I already feel a bit broken and it hasn't even happened yet.

I feel like parental love is the only type of love that you enter into knowing it ultimately leads to separation.  I feel a bit like Dorothy and Gage is my Scarecrow.  <sad face>

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