Planks. My Worst Nightmare.

Yesterday's Body Sculpt class at the YMCA was brutal with a capital B (it would probably have had more affect had I actually typed a capital B).  Out of all the times I've taken a class at the Y, this one has to stand out as the hardest to date.  I was feeling quite good about myself when I finished it but today I'm in exorborant amounts of pain.  I think if I paid myself a buck for every time I moved today and subconsciously said "ouch" I could take my entire family for dinner.  At a really decent restaurant.

When I finished putting my equipment away after the class I noticed Gage was waiting for me outside the gym.  As we were walking out of the building I was complaining how tough that workout was.  At which point he mockingly replied, 'What's the matter, you can't handle your 2 1/2 lbs weights and your yoga mat?", in a baby voice.  (I'll have you note, I used 8 lbs weights and 5 lbs weights, NOT 2 1/2 lbs weights.)  Today when I got home from work and mentioned to him how much my body was hurting he again made fun of my female class.  I told him I was going to make him take just one class with me so he could understand how tough they actually are and his reply?  Wait for it...


"I need to gain muscle, not a vagina." 

No laughing, no smile, just pure fact. I've raised myself a full-fledged dick.  And, if I could actually raise my leg without it hurting so much, I'd kick him right in the ass.

Twelve Days

A year ago yesterday, mine and my family's worlds began to crumble from within.  Today I noticed on my aunts' and uncle's Facebook pages, tributes to my dad.  Turns out it's National Brother's week (though I think there seems to be a National week or day about something all the time).  I assume this 'week' falls on the same week every year.  So that being said I find it strangely comforting that my dad's siblings came together for him on National Brother's Week this time last year when he needed them the most. 

I also find myself melancholy and quick to emotions as of late.  I find myself disinterested in things.  I find myself putting a fake smile on my face.  I know we're coming up on the one year anniversary and I really still can't wrap my head around it.  When I have spare moments I find myself looking back on this time last year and I'm pretty sure that will continue until the actual anniversary.  At the time, I was full of an underlying fear (sometimes ingorance is bliss) but yet I still had a false hope at the same time.  I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of support from my family and friends.  I felt useless because I couldn't help my dad.  I feared what he was feeling and going through and I'm still caught up on that.  I felt guilt for not being able to spend every moment I had with him.  I felt guilty for having to go to work and take my kids to their soccer games and be at home fixing dinner when I could have and should have been at the hospital, absorbing every moment I could with him, not knowing those times were quickly diminishing.

So almost a year has passed...I have many good days and some bad days.  I've had occurances where I wonder if (and hope) he's sending me signs that he's out there around us.  I have had dreams, both good and bad about him.  Often his memory pops into my head and I smile and then I miss him even more.  We've mourned him and we've celebrated him.  We made it through the 'special days', some harder than others.   I have a feeling I'm just not really going to be able to shake the underlying sadness these next 12 days will bring me, but I'll do my best to not let it envelope me. 

Still miss you like it was yesterday dad and long to hear your voice.  Love you to the moon and back.

A Letter to a Young Mother

Dear Young Mom:

First, please have the courtesy to come into my place of work and ask us if it is permissable to park in our private lot while you run your errands at the Police Station. 

Second, please change your toddler's shitty diaper in the privacy of your vehicle so those of us with an office window facing that parking space don't have to see you reef them up the crack of his ass to wipe the shit off it. 

Third, please refrain from then throwing said shitty underpants onto our parking lot for us to clean up. 

Those are my three pieces of advice to you dear, young, mom.  But now I'd like to thank you.  First for leaving your windows down so I had the opportunity to leave my office on this beautiful, sunny day and wander out into the parking lot, retrieve said underpants (I am a mom and I'm a funeral director - shitty pants won't deter me) and toss them through your back seat window where they were given a new resting place.  Right in the middle of your son's car seat. 

And my second thank you is for the sheer feeling of satisfaction I got from that experience as well as the second wave of pride I felt watching your face scour the parking lot looking for the missing underwear and then surprisingly finding them right in the very spot you were intending to plant your son's ass. 

Now, knowing someone watched your behaviour the entire time and 'one upped' you, you must be so proud.  I'm frightened for our youth when you are a role model out there.  Next time, don't be douche.

Sincerely,
Me.

Look What I Made

Whoa, it just dawned on me that I was crafty way back in December before I discovered Pinterest!  I had the brilliant idea to reproduce something I had seen in a catalogue that was selling for $40.00.  First I thought, no way would I spend 40 bones on that but then I immediately thought, damn, Eric and I combined can make that no problem!  Foreshadowing?  I think so!

So I decided to make Eric's nephew (or rather his parents) an art display board for all the future masterpieces Felix will be making.  Off the top of my head I think the whole thing cost us $18-20.  I think that's mainly because we just went and bought the pre-cut wood board and then the actual paperclips cost almost $10.00 because I couldn't just get plain silver ones.    I'm pretty sure if I'd given it more thought and hadn't left it until the last minute we could have used reclaimed wood or re-used a previous sign and then it would have been maybe 10 bucks to create. 

Instead of painting it like the original piece, we chose to wood burn the phrase "Look What I Made".  Eric is into that and since we were both contributing we felt that was more appropriate but you could use a stencil or hand paint the same thing.  We then applied a stain over it and attached the clips at the bottom. 

No clue if Eric's brother and sister in law like it or not, or if they've put it up and are using it, but I thought it was a pretty good first time attempt at a craft.  I look at it now  and I can think of a million other things I could have done or added to it, but like I said, it was my first attempt at a craft in uhm, ever.  Therefore,  I'm going to cut myself some slack.  I can only go up from here right?

Two for Tea?

You might already be getting tired of reading about my crafting projects, but too bad.  So far I haven't lost interest in doing them.  Which is shocking because I tend to lose interest in things as quickly as I get interest in them.  Maybe this will be my final curtain call.  Though with garage sale season starting up soon, I highly doubt that.  And I'm pretty sure I already have a grasp on what my next project is going to be.  I merely got my inspiration from Pinterest, not the actual idea.  Whoa me!  I'm gaining insight here.  But back to the project at hand....

This time around, I made two teacup bird feeders, and assisted with two that Roan painted.  I've decided to keep the red/white/black one for my own front garden.  I know right?  How utterly selfish of me!  And I'm paying forward the blue/white/silver one to my sister in law, Anita to take up residence in her garden.   Roan already has the recipients in mind for his two feeders as well.  So today we shall venture out and pick up some bird seed so we can do up little baggies to accompany our gifts. 

We started with some pressure treated fence spindles (as they were cheaper than stair spindles) and thrift store teacups and matching saucers.  I have a feeling this project will be much cheaper come garage sale time, but for now each feeder cost me $5.00.  I can assure you no kitty was painted or glued in the making of this project.  He was merely there to supervise.

Having now finished this project I think I might choose a tapered spindle so it's easier to insert into the ground.  These ones are going to facilitate us actually digging a hole for them rather than just being able to spike them into the ground.  I saw another sample of one with copper piping.  That would be cool too as it would patina over time, whereas these ones are just likely to rot over time.  Oi vell, I digress.

I painted the posts with a base coat and then add some accent colours.  I thought about doing little stencils all over it, but frankly I'm not that crafty yet and I wasn't inclined to go out and buy stencils to fulfill this desire.  So simple is as simple does.  I then buffed the surfaces on the teacups and saucers that were going to be in contact with the glue itself and allowed them to cure over night.  Once my painted spindles and dried and the glue had cured I affixed the teacups to the top of the spindles and then allowed them to fix over night as well.  The majority of the time was spent waiting for glue to dry.  It's about as exciting as watching paint dry too.  Take my word for it.  Thank god, for Pinterest and Netflix to keep me occupied during this lull. 

Voila!  The finished project.  Easy peasy!

Clueless Brainiac

Today, Roan got 'in trouble' or rather a stern talking to about not thinking of the consequences of his actions and how his not thinking about things ruins MY stuff.  I tried to explain to him about common sense and how it's important for him to learn what common sense is.  His exasperated response to me through his tears, while trying to get me to appreciate that he just 'didn't know', was, "Jeez mom!  I'm not Stephen Hawkings."  My anger dissipated at this point and the conversation was over.    I had to walk away to hide my smile. 

I figure if he's smart enough to throw that sentence out at me, then he should be able to figure out what actions will piss me off.