Out of This World Transformation

Phew!  It was a hectic weekend (sort of).  I'm sure it felt more crazy than it was due to the fact that I had been beaten down by a head cold.  I was lucky enough to be able to help a hair stylist friend out and participate with her in a hair competition on Sunday (uh, hello free haircut and colour!!).  Not so lucky to have a head full of cement at the same time, but I persevered. 

So starting on Friday I began the preliminary transformation.  And in the span of 4 days I sported 4 different hair styles. 

The first pic was just plain old me!  The second picture was after two bleach out sessions and one colour wash attempt at magenta.  The last picture is what I'm actually sporting now - A more work appropriate hue, brown (but currently darker than it should be because of all the magenta underneath).  The below picture is actually after a second colour rinse (to further enhance and brighten the magenta) and sitting under the hot spot lights on a stage for 45 minutes while the lovely Miss Erin (hair stylist extraordinaire) Coursol cut off all my luscious (fried) locks. 

So I'm tired just typing it out, four hair makeovers in as many days.  No wonder my follicles are aching!  It was a pretty decent experience.  Unfortunately Erin didn't place this time around and that's no fault of the audience that's for sure.  We had total randoms coming up to us to tell us before the winners were announced that we should be taking top prize and after they were announced, we had people telling us that was a bullshit call and we had been robbed (ok those are more my words but the message was the same).  Which was a tiny, silver lining in Erin's day.  The masses loved her.  That's really what was important.  Oh and of course Vincent Petti voted us number 2!   And he's like totally a celebrity in the hair world, dontchyaknow? 

So now I'm just trying to figure out how to rock this hair style, it's a big change for me.  Bold and daring but I'm digging.  And of course I secretly like that Eric thinks I look like a Romulan from Star Trek.   

Animal Planet

A few times a year I try to get away for the night to the big city with some of my favourite ladies (and sometimes even a couple of 'gents) for an evening of dancing and drinks. 
I need to make a disclaimer right off the hop that my intentions when I go dancing is to do just that, dance.  Even when I wasn't in a relationship my reasoning was the same.  I love to dance.  I love to lose myself on the dance floor.  I often close my eyes and just feel the music and move.  I don't take much stock of what's going on around me (unless of course there is a train wreck near by and then I won't be able to peel my eyes off her/him), I'm just in the zone. 

Often during all these times I sneak moments to look around and watch it all unfold around me.  The mating dance if you will.  The dance floor can often turn into its own episode of Animal Planet.  On Animal Planet they film it so we, the viewers, can watch the animals stalk their prey on the open terrain.  It's not much different at the bar just more confined quarters.  I can almost, quite literally, see the pheromones emitting from the males when they pounce upon a girl ( the prey).  The energy that exudes from them when they are in hunting form is intense.  They do not take no for an answer very easily, but when they finally do, they just quickly move on to the next.  They probably think they can coerce their way through our force field.  Oh and look out if one of the targeted prey is an easy target or a willing target.  All gloves are off with regards to the other hunters.  The only difference between the bar and Animal Planet is the subjects in one are dressed better than the other (I'll let you decide if I'm talking about the animals or the bar hoppers). 

This past Saturday was no exception to this rule.  The hunters were in fine form on the dance floor and the prey were easily coerced.  I saw a lot of gross 'mating' going on, if you will.  So to the pathetic animals who joined us on the dance floor, I say thank you.  Thank you for providing me with 5 hours of additional entertainment over and above my beloved dancing. 

It's Award Season

I have been seriously lacking any sort of creative juices over the past couple of weeks.  Well creative when it comes to blogging anyway (I was busy making dress shirt pillows for all of my dad's siblings out of his left over dress shirts, so all my creativity went to those I suppose).  I guess I finally understand what writer's block is.  I'm still not really 'feeling it' when it comes to writing but since my friend Jess tagged me in a post, I can use this as an excuse to get my fingers wet again (sitting inside a hurricane should help too).   So I'm going to try really, really hard to come up with more than one word answers.  

So like every blog award (I feel like I've covered this before) there are rules.  There are always stupid rules.  You know, like those dumb skill testing questions that really are too easy, but I feel like they should be harder so I try to find the twist in the question and end up getting it wrong.  I mean, really, it's always 16 isn't it?  Lets get this "Leibster Award" (who comes up with these names?) show on the road, shall we?  I know you're just jonsing for a Holly blog fix by now aren't ya? 

 

 

Here are the Rules:

- Each person tagged must post 11 things about themselves.

- They must also answer the 11 questions the tagger has set for them.

- They must create 11 more questions to ask bloggers they have decided to tag.

- They must then choose 11 bloggers to tag with less than 200 followers.

- These lucky bloggers must be told.

- There are NO TAG BACKS.

 

 

11 things about myself (I'm honestly not sure I can come up with 11 interesting things):

 

1.  I'm 38 and when I let my hair grow and my roots come in there is not one grey hair yet.  Not one.  And I don't mean I plucked it out thus leaving none, I mean that option does not exist for me.  Yet. 

 

2.  I am the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life.  Still nothing I fret too much about.  Sane people get dressed, shower and have relations in the pitch black right?  But I am discovering the reality of 'thickening with age'.  Kind of sucks, but it could be so much worse.  I'm not at a point where I'm willing to sacrifice my food or laziness. 

 

3.  I pre-ordered Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 all by myself.  Like I just took it upon myself to do it.  Eric didn't even know it was coming out.  I pre-ordered it because I cannot wait to play the new Zombies and the new Nuketown boards.  My how the tables have turned. 

 

4.  On Friday, my hair will be fuscia for three days.  Then it will be brown.  But still no grey underneath.  Fuscia.  Yup you read that correct and no I'm not having a mid-life crisis (Oh my god, I'm totally at the point in my life where I'll soon be able to use that as an excuse!!).  I'm sure I'll feel inclined to blog about that later. 

 

5.  When I'm in the car I have to drive.  All the time.  If I don't, I get car sick.  (What am I?  Five?)  It's brutal.  It all started when I was pregnant with Gage and it's just gotten worse through the years.  The only time I'm ok is when I'm driving and even then once in a while the car sick monster wins. 

 

6.  I so badly wanted dark, bamboo floors in my house (I even suffered a near fatal injury over it).  I talked my dad and Eric into putting them in.  And when they are spotless they are beautiful, but with a houseful of people and animals, they suck.  Now I hate them.  Loathe them in fact and want to cover them up but I'm afraid to tell Eric. (Just pretend you're in court and strike that from the record Eric.)

 

7.  I have the patience of a saint, a....a....what has no patience?  A poor excuse for a doctor and this girl (wacka wacka, I said I had no patience not that I was lacking a sharp and witty sense of humour!).   I kind of think Eric hates that about me.  Kind of. 

 

8.  I signed an organ donor card.  But I refuse to give them permission to take my eyes, my skin or my bones.  I'm vain like that.  I know, I know....I'll let someone live a less than stellar life because of my vanity.  I didn't say I was an awesome person (though I am). 

 

9.  I have no actual talent.  Like I can't play an instrument, or do rad tricks on a skateboard, or sing well, or write poetry, or knit or crochet, or build shit, or cook without a recipe, or do a cartwheel on a balance beam.  Yup, I really lack in the skills department. 

10.  I enjoy looking for jobs for other people.  I like perusing the want ads in hopes of finding a listing that speaks to me about someone I know who needs a job.  Then I like to write cover letters and edit resumes and submit them for application on their behalf.  Sometimes they don't even know I do it.  I do not, however, want to search for a job for myself.  Nope, not ever again.  It's way too depressing.

11.  I have had the same pair of black Doc Marten's since 1992.  They still fit me (of course, I was totally done growing by then, yeesh) and on the rare occasion I still wear them.  I can't find it in me to get rid of them yet.  I've had the same pair of black Converse Chucks for 10 years.  I heart them.  They're still my go to shoe of choice.  My dog (who I sometimes hate [that should be #12]) tried to eat them and almost succeeded.  He almost died.  At my hands, not because of the actual ingestion of my shoe. 

 

Questions from Jess that I'm supposed to answer:

1. Cat or dog person?   Well even though I just got a dog, I'm still 100% a cat person. I'm just now a cat person with a dog thrown in for good measure.  You know, cause my life wasn't nearly hectic enough!
2. Favourite comfort food?   Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding and mash potatoes all smothered in gravy.  And preferably when someone else cooks it.  Why does food always taste better when it's been prepared by someone other than myself?
3. Favourite TV show?    Oh goodness, this could be a tough one.  I'll list a few that I've watched recently (Thank you Netflix USA).  The Big C, Sons of Anarchy, Freaks and Geeks, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec.   Aside from Netflix I do not watch TV.  Thank goodness for Facebook or I'd never have been aware of this impending hurricane!  No, nothing would have given it away. 
4. Favourite Christmas gift ever and why?  Definitely not the ugly, mustard yellow sweater my Grandma bought me one year.  Or the grey fanny pack I recently got.  Interesting how the worst presents stick out more than the most favourite ones. 
5. If you could meet any celebrity in the world, dead or alive, who would it be and why?  Perry Farrell, because he's just plain awesome.  He'd make me so nervous I'd probably be stupid.  He's already almost a real and true friend.  We're friends on Facebook and that means something these days doesn't it?  I just love him and not in a romantically, sexual way. 
6. What is your favourite way to spend a Friday night?  Ordering pizza, getting a 6 pack of cupcakes (good ones, not grocery store ones), watching the latest It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, then playing Call of Duty and slaying hundreds of zombies with Eric. 
7. What the item on your Bucket List you would most love to accomplish?  I haven't made a bucket list yet....I shall ponder this question. 
8. What song has the most meaningful lyrics to you and why?  Right now, The Escape Club -  I'll Be There. 
9. If you could go anywhere on vacation where would it be?  I'd be content to go just about anywhere right now.  I'd love to hit England, Amsterdam, Italy, Mexico (again), Australia, Africa...like I said, pretty much anywhere is fine with me.  I'm not picky, just as long as I'm away and I learn about a different part of the world. 
10. If you could learn a new language what would it be?  I'd be content to just know French fluently but for funsies, I'd like to speak Cantonese, because I think it would be super funny to hear that come out of my mouth. 
11. Ghosts: Real or figments of the imagination  Real.  We're even doing a paranormal study at work to see if they can scientifically detect any spirits (Oh there are some, that's for sure!).  Kind of looking forward to that! 

 

My list of questions now?  Yeesh this is a lot of pressure for someone not feeling so inclined to 'write'. 

1.  Do you hate pet birds as much as I do?  Do you have a good and valid reason to have a bird as a pet?
2.  What animal/critter/bug/etc. creeps you the f*ck out the most?
3.  If you had a list with your husband/wife with 4 "free passes" of famous people who were allowed to bed without recourse who would your two girls and two guys be?  Who would your spouse pick for their four?  Must be two guys/two girls.  Come on, even dudes have man crushes. 
4.  What's one food you put in your mouth and actually stop to savour it?  Every single time.
5.  Which of your parents did you go to first for a ride?  How about money?  What if you were arrested?  Which one would you call first?
6.  Who would you want to play you in the movie of your life?
7.  If you could change one part of your body without costing a butt-load of money or causing pain, what would you change?
8.  If you won 5 million dollars, do you already have it "spent" before you cash the cheque?  On what? 
9. What is the one thing that would totally turn you off when it comes to someone you could be attracted to?  You know, the thing you just couldn't look past or turn a blind eye to?
10.  What is the main useless information that is taking up way too much grey matter in your brain?  *Hint:  Mine's 80's ballad lyrics or 80's TV show theme songs (Show me that smile again...).
11.   How much do you love my blog?  Show me the warm gushy feelings people! 

 

I don't think I'm going to do nominees.  But you should totally go into my comment box and paste my questions there and then answer them for me to read!!  Won't that be fun?  It totally will.  You should do it. 

Now. 

This Moment {6} - The follow up

Man I have not had ANY motivation to blog lately...Sorry for the delay.
A couple of years ago (or maybe it was last Halloween, no I think it was two years ago...) Eric and I drove up to Toronto to spend the night in Boy's Town (or the Gay Village, or the Church St. District).  The gays (that's my term of endearment for them) always have the best costumes ever.  I wasn't disappointed in the finds on this trip. 

We got dressed up (I wore my Star Trek dress and Eric wore hospital scrubs and a lab coat) and we melded into the throngs of people who took over the shut down street, dressed in their Hallowed best.   I am a huge people watcher and gay lover so aside from the sheer numbers that would be roaming the streets I was totally looking forward to this night.  Within moments of turning onto Church St., Eric was surrounded by dudes dressed as girls who were harbouring for his affections and photo opportunities and I was critiqued and called a bitch because my Star Trek uniform looked better on me than the gay boy's looked on him.  I think it was a backhanded compliment....I think.  We ogled all the amazing costumes, impressed with the amount of effort these guys (and some gals) put into their outfits.  We saw the Queen of England, Count Chocula, Frankenberry, the Lucky Charms Leprechaun, and Cap'n Crunch, we saw the Flintstone gang including their foot powered car, we saw Converse running shoes (like for real life size), we saw a buttload (no pun intended) of drag queens, and we saw shit we just plain didn't understand.  At one point we saw two big, fat 'cheerleaders' who were cordial and lovely enough to allow us to take our picture with them, until they weren't.  As they walked away they pondered to themselves how she (yup me) was able to snag a hot specimen like him (they meant Eric), in disgust.  I could hear them still though.  *Where's my sad face emoticon?   I just want to love the gays so much, why the hate? 

But then I was cheered up by these fine pieces of ass.  My favourite boys of the night, hands down.  My "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" friends.  They loved me (or at least they did a much better job faking it for me).  We decided a picture was in order and it was their idea to lift our skirts.  We had so much fun with them and spending the Halloween festivities in Boys Town.  I can't wait for the opportunity to do it again soon!

This Moment {6}

If you're new to my blog (thanks to the October blogging challenge) and keep coming back then you'll soon learn that every Monday I have a ritual. **I've borrowed an idea from Janine over at Reflections From a Redhead who borrowed it from Thom at To Gyre and Gambol, who initially borrowed it from Cath at Just My Thoughts. So I too have started a Monday ritual.

One image will be posted. No words will describe it. It will capture a moment from my past - memories that I cherish. Then on Friday I will post part 2 of this new ritual where I will share the story behind the photo. This borrowed idea is called {This Moment}.

Empty

I can honestly say that I've never been so angry, upset and frustrated over something that doesn't directly or personally involve me than I am right now over the situation involving Amanda Todd, here in Canada. 

Amanda is a 15 year old girl who made a stupid mistake judgement call more than a few years ago when she was in GRADE 7.  (For f*ck sake she was 12.  Twelve year olds are allowed to make mistakes.)  A mistake that some man (I use that term loosely as I feel he's a pathetic excuse of a human being.) has continued to haunt her with, torment her with, used as ammo to enlist the help of many others to torment her, basically destroy her life with.  He has found her and stalked her on Facebook each time (3 times in total) she switched schools to get away from her bullies there.  He just couldn't let it go, she was an easy prey. 

This is Amanda's video (her story, seeking help) that she posted the day before she was successful in yet another attempt on her own life.  She died on October 10th of this year.  I am heartbroken for a girl I do not know, nor will I ever get the chance to meet.  I am saddened and left with a feeling of hollowness for every single kid in this world that is suffering at the hands and actions of others.  I am scared for the future of our children.  I am feeling helpless that there seems to be nothing I can do and I feel hopeless because nothing seems to be being done by those in a position to do something.  I am sickened that these bullies continue to get away with their actions and choices, and those who are the victims and their families are left to suffer. 

I know that my reaction is not right, but I wish great harm on those perpetrators and their families.  I hope nothing good comes their way.  I hope they suffer from the hands of another.  I hope they feel pain every single day of their life. I wish I could physically maim them.  I wish I could torture them and laugh in their faces when they cried for mercy.  I wish every single horrible thing that I would often say I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy happens to them.  I know it's childish and doesn't make what happened any better. I know by wanting those things I just stoop to their level, but I don't give a shit.  They have, in a round about way, taken another girls life.  They have destroyed a family.  I hope they get to experience the same pain.  They walk around all smug in their actions, they have created Twitter accounts to still torment and berate her after her death, they are still posting photos of her making a mockery of her .  They make me ashamed to share a species and a nation with them.  I am disgusted that Twitter and Facebook allow this behaviour to continue.  (Today I filed a report to Facebook asking them to remove a mocking photo of Amanda that is circulating on Facebook and they have denied my request.  I am sickened.  Yet another fine example of how those in some sort of power are failing our children.) 

The RCMP states that they are lodging a 'full investigation' and maybe it's the cynic in me but I can guarantee that NOTHING will be done about this.  For once I hope with every fibre of my being that I'm wrong.   I'm experiencing crazy mixed emotions when it comes to her parents as well.  My heart bleeds for them right now.  I cannot imagine having to sit with them to make funeral arrangements.  I hurt for them, as a fellow parent, as a human being.  However, I can assure you had this been my child they would have been stripped of any social media outlets, and home schooled if this still carried on following a school change.  I wouldn't let my kid out of my site if they had previous unsuccessful suicide attempts.  I would be in the police station asking why this man hadn't been charged with distribution of child pornography, I'd be asking why they weren't at the schools charging these kids with harassment.  I wouldn't have allowed my child to make the decision to not press charges.  As a minor that choice should fall on me, not her.  I suppose this is all hindsight at this point, but there are so many other choices that could have been made. 

Please take the 8 minutes to watch her silent video.  And then do yourself, but more importantly do your children, a favour and watch it with them.  Talk to them about Amanda's story.  Let them understand the consequences of their actions should they decide to bully another human being because of a stupid judgement call.  Let them know that bullying does hurt people indefinitely.  Let them know it isn't right even if all their friends say it is.  But also let them know that if someone is bullying them that you'll be an advocate for them, that you will do everything in your power to protect your children from another's harm and then follow through with it.  All of it. 

This whole situation has been eating at me for two days now.  I shudder to think about how much my own situation in high school could have escalated if my bullies had had the power of the Internet and social media like Facebook existed.  My bullies eventually got bored and moved on, but Facebook just continues to add fuel to the fire.  I sit here and think about those I went to school with who were bullies and I wonder if they look back with remorse or if they are truly oblivious to their actions and how they've affected others.   I can't stop thinking about this.  I wish there was a way to help.  I'm feeling helpless and hopeless for our kids futures.  I could go on and on about this situation.  Right now I'm just empty. 

Words can hurt or heal.  What did yours do today? 

Get In The Picture

So I have been inspired by a blog post that a friend had shared on Facebook.  If you are a parent or will be a parent in the future please, please, PLEASE take the time to read Allison Tate's blog post. 

The gist of it is this;  our kids don't understand or get that we are so much more than just their parents.  It's time to put aside our vanity and make sure we are capturing all the moments, as best we can, that we share with them - the good, the bad and the down right ugly!  They need to see that we were once vibrant and young and beautiful in our own way.  They will see past the unkempt hair and the stained t-shirt or cellulite (and if they don't at the very least they will see where they've inherited it from!).  They will just remember you.   All the things we are hard on ourselves about, they love.  All the negatives we see, they are blind to.

I extend the challenge to you dear readers.  Somewhere (Facebook, your computer, photo albums, etc) create an album entitled Get In The Picture, and start capturing all those moments with your kids and STAY IN THE PICTURE!

This Moment {5}

If you're new to my blog (thanks to the October blogging challenge) and keep coming back then you'll soon learn that every Monday I have a ritual. **I've borrowed an idea from Janine over at Reflections From a Redhead who borrowed it from Thom at To Gyre and Gambol, who initially borrowed it from Cath at Just My Thoughts. So I too have started a Monday ritual.

One image will be posted. No words will describe it. It will capture a moment from my past - memories that I cherish. Then on Friday I will post part 2 of this new ritual where I will share the story behind the photo. This borrowed idea is called {This Moment}.

Morning Rituals

The other morning on my way in to work I got stuck behind a school bus.   While this can normally prove annoying in my 'hurry up to get nowhere fast' life, today I didn't seem to mind.  I wasn't running late, the sun was shining, and it was a gorgeous morning. So while I was sitting behind this bus with its flashing red lights telling me to slow down once in a while, I looked over and spotted a mother (probably my age or slightly younger) and her small boy (I'm guessing 5 years old) standing on the side of the road waiting for the bus doors to swallow up her son and throw him head first into the real world.

I quietly (yup, turned the radio off) watched her let go of his hand as he made his way onto the bus.  I watched her watch him intently.  And I knew immediately when he spotted her watching him because I saw a genuine smile spread across her face and then I watched her frantically wave at him, silently encouraging him that all would be well...for today at least.  I then watched her hands fall just as quickly to her side and the smile drop off her face as she turned to face her own world. 

This 2 minute time out at the start of my day made me realize that even though I don't know this woman and maybe I don't live the same lifestyle as her (whether that be good or bad) or live in the same neighbourhood or have the same problems, we do have one thing in common.  We are moms just trying to make it through the day for the sake of our kids; be good role models, love them with our whole heart, and encourage them to grow and become independant.  So while we don't have much in common (or maybe we do), we have that.  And that's the one thing that ties all of us moms together.

So why are we so harsh and judgmental with other mothers?  We need to stop the judgment.  We all struggle.  Stay at home moms are no better than working moms.  Moms who breast feed their kids are not better at this or care more than moms who bottle feed.  Oh you use cloth diapers?  Good for you, I think you're brave.  But don't judge me because I found ease and convenience in disposables.  Every toy my children owned wasn't made of bamboo or hemp.  I'm not a bad mom because of this and it doesn't mean I don't care about the world I'm leaving to my children.  I didn't make my own babyfood even though I really wished I'd had the time, but don't judge me because you did.  My kids still had nourishment.  I probably got more sleep than you because I didn't share my bed with my kid thus I didn't have their itty, bitty, little feet jammed into my back all night but that doesn't make me a better or worse mother than you because you believe in the 'family bed'.  What's that?  That mother chews her baby's food for him?  What a nutjob.   Maybe he has a reflux disorder or maybe he just doesn't care and it's not hurting him or our own children so how is it any business of ours?  I could go on.  I feel like the minute we have our own children it's not really about offering advice and support (we cloak it with 'meaning well') it's more about judgement.  Who's better at this game?  Me?  Her? 

I watched that woman today.  She didn't know I was watching her.  She wasn't putting on airs for me.  I watched her and I knew how she felt.  I knew why she was smiling and waving.  We were united, in a sense, for a very fleeting moment in time.  I don't know her story, but I do know this:  She's a mom just like me.  And while I didn't see it in that moment I know she has difficult periods where she doubts her abilities.  She has days where she probably wishes she wasn't a mom.  She is sick with worry about what this world could do to her precious baby.  She has nights where she gets no sleep because her son was up sick with a fever all night and she doesn't need other mothers, who themselves aren't perfect, judging her because she's got a short fuse the next morning.  She judges herself enough.  We all do. 

Today I smiled at that lady, even though she didn't see me, because she did good.  She silently gave her son the push he needed to start his day off positively and she gave another mother a moment of pause, to reflect on what it is that we mothers do each and every day and the realization that we should stand united, not divided.  That kid took a big step when he got on that bus today, for all us. 

Life is a Mixed Tape

So someone made me a gift,  a mixed tape.  For reals.  I'm not sure how I'll play it, but I love me a mixed tape.  This particular tape was prepared by one of my fellow zombies as a tribute to our Run For Your Lives 5K race day.  I'm actually saddened that I don't get mixed tapes too frequently anymore (there is a downside to all this technology), they were the best homemade gift ever.  Usually so personal and they provided an insight into the gift giver. 

Here's one example I came up with of a "mixed tape of a life" (not necessarily my particular life, but could be...dun dun dun) - the song list, if you will:

You made it out of high school alive!  You had highs and you had lows.  You made friends, you lost friends.  You thought you knew it all, you've discovered you still have so much to learn.  You are beginning to grow into your own person.  You're moving on to the real life now!

Graduation - Vitamin C 

You met a guy, he was great.  You had a brief fling.  He is just not that into you.  It sucks.   Only time heals these hurts.

Kreuzberg - Bloc Party

You meet someone new!  He's amazing in every sense of the word.  Everything else in your life takes a back seat to the time you will spend with him.  You envelope each other.  It's just you and him...  He is the axis to your world. 

This Kiss - Faith Hill

Things have changed.  He isn't the 'be all and end all' anymore.  You've discovered he has faults and so do you.  Maybe you don't meld together like you thought you did.  You are both young.  You both make mistakes.  He's strayed from the relationship.  He's found another girl who makes him smile like you used to. 

9 Crimes - Damien Rice

But you're not innocent yourself.  You've made him feel guilty for stepping out of the relationship when you yourself have found someone who makes you feel beautiful and sexy again and wants you as bad as you want him.  He does and says all the right things, your boyfriend can't measure up.

Rapture - Pedro the Lion

You talk it out, you both realize you aren't meant for each other.  You are both full of mixed emotions:  Love, lust, comfort, familiarity, hurt, anger, resentment.  You fall prey to what most couples do at the end of the relationship.  You have one final hurrah.

One More Night - Stars

He misses you.  He misses what he had.  It's easier to ask for you back than to venture out into the unknown alone.  You just wish he'd go away.  It's just easier that way.

Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri

Your single again, rid of the headaches and heartaches. You want to take back the life you once had.  You want to surround yourself with your friends, have fun and live life.  Tie up those laces and leave your worries on the dance floor.

Party Hard - Andrew W.K.

You're finally ready to meet the right person and start the next step of your life.  The planets must be aligning for you because you've met someone who just clicks with you.  Someone that doesn't make it hard.  Someone who just gets you -  Everything about you, good and bad.  Someone who is teaching you to be a better person. 

Arms - Christina Perri

You decide to make it official, dedicate yourselves to each other through sickness and in health, until your dying days.  You vow to stick with each other.  You complete each other.  He waits for you at the end of the aisle to take your hand because he already has your heart.

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

It's your first dance as husband and wife.  Being in each other's arms just feels right.  Everything else falls away, it's just the two of you, taking on the world together.  You've begun this journey in each other's embrace and you hope to end the journey in the same stance.  

The Luckiest - Ben Folds

Your life takes the expected route and the two of you are lucky enough to join forces and create another human being to walk this earth.  You nurtured her, you sheltered her, you loved her with every fibre of your being.  You put little arms and legs on your heart and you released it to run free.  You became a mother and you no longer could remember what your life was like before that day.

This Woman's Work - Kate Bush

You raise your kids and it gives you an entirely new perspective on everything you put your own parents through and what your parents sacrificed to make your life better.  You have a whole new appreciation for your own parents.   And you hope someday your kids will be able to say that you were a good mother with complete conviction. 

Good Mother - Jann Arden



You've watched your husband grow old beside you, and now he's taken ill. You're the one he turns to for comfort.  You're the one who still makes him smile through his pain.  You are running out of time.  You need to tell him what he means to you, how he's affected your life.

The Story - Brandi Carlile

He slips away from you.  You feel so hollow.  He completed you and now a piece of you is gone.  You hold on to your memories and the love you shared, but it's difficult to pick yourself up and carry on.  He was your world, your everything.  You have to say good-bye.

Good-bye My Lover - James Blunt

He only comes to you now in your dreams.  You dream about how things used to be.  You dream about the day you will reunite.  You hold on to the hope that there is more to this union than just our physical beings.  You want so badly to believe he's out there, surrounding you with his presence.  He tries his best to let you know he's here.

I'll Be There - The Escape Club

It's your time to move on now.  To say your final good-byes.  It's okay though, your kids are grown with their own families and you have got someone on the other side waiting to greet you, to show you around.  You won't be alone.  You'll stand watch over your family.  You can go with the peace of mind that you lived a good life.  You did it your way.

My Way - Frank Sinatra

So there's my blog version of a mixed tape to symbolize a life lived.  Obviously there are so many additional circumstances in one's life where there could be an appropriate song playing in the background.  This is just one quick version.   It's fun to make mixed tapes.  You can have them represent one specific time like the tape Barb made for me, it can just represent you and all your favourite songs, or a period of time.  Making one can be cathartic and sharing them is a silent way of sharing yourself. 

I've always maintained that we have soundtracks of our lives.  Kind of like in the movies where at pivotal moments in life there is a song to accompany it.  We've just stopped hearing the music, but it's there lingering in the background...similar to how we've tuned out our own heartbeats.   What would your mixed tape be like?  What songs would you choose to represent you? 

Running for My Life

This past weekend we (Eric, Gage, myself, my brother, sister in law, and 4 friends) had the opportunity to take part in a 5K run/obstacle course created by Run For Your Lives that included being chased by zombies.  'Cause running 5K and completing physical obstacles isn't hard enough (especially when you are in as poor shape as I am!).  After doing some research in preparation to signing up, we discovered that you could do both!  You could complete a zombie shift AND run the course as a runner!  Win-win!

The creators and volunteers put together an amazing event.  I don't know how long they've been doing these but this was the first one in Canada.  I must say it was flawless (aside from the weather which is, of course, uncontrollable).  Everything went off perfectly (except for the total collapse of the starting cages, immediately after our particular heat, from the wind - thankfully no one was seriously injured).   It was probably the best experience I've had during an event of this caliber.  Right from the parking and check in stations, to the costume department and make up tents and the actual course and obstacles - amazing.  It really was so well done.  Kudos to all involved who put this together and helped pull it off.  I really am looking forward to doing this again if they decide to bring it back our way next year. 

I was blown away with the make-up department set up.  All of the people they utilized to transform us 7 a.m. beauties into scary zombies were so talented and friendly.  The pace was quick and kept us all excited for the next things to come our way.  They had a wardrobe department, air brushing stations, prosthetic stations, blood splatter stations, liquid blood stations, mudding and blooding stations, free snacks and bottled water stations, and personal belonging check stations.  They really did think of everything (they even had a make-up removal station when we finished our shift).   We looked so good after passing through all those check points. 

Walking out to our station (we were zone 3 - a stretch of forest) amongst the trees, which made for great cover and gave that shadowy, ominous feeling just built the excitement up for us.  I located a sign nailed to a tree and jokingly said I'd hide behind the sign and jump out and scare people.  Because there really was no way they couldn't see me.   Eric stood just ahead of me on the opposite side of the path thus forcing people to run closer to the sign and low and behold the runners were so focused on Eric that when I stepped out from behind my sign I really was scaring the shit out of them.  So gooooooood!  I suffered a couple minor injuries (two of which are actually making it difficult to type):  a wrenched ring finger that is bruised and swollen when it got caught on a runner as I reached for a flag, a thumb nail that has a pool of blood under it after some asshole runner grabbed on to me and kept running (a no-no) and I got punched in the face (totally by accident, the runner even stopped to apologize).  All still worth it though. 

Following our three hour stint as zombies (which went by so quickly, I'd have been content to do it for the whole day, it was that fun!) we counted all of the lives we stole and then headed over to make up removal and received medals, free t-shirts and beer tickets!  The medals are great quality and so are the shirts, they didn't scrimp on anything here.   We then made our way to the van to change clothes and get some food before we were due to report for our own course run.  The weather was turning a little at this point and becoming cooler and much more windy.   I was dreading the race (because I hate running) but now I was looking forward to it because I knew it would warm me up. 

We made our way over to the starting cages (titled Appetizer, Entree and Dessert - the Appetizers got released first) to line up for our heat at 2 p.m.  We decided it was best for us out of shape runners to take the Dessert position so we weren't glomming up the track. The dark clouds were starting to move in on us which made it even more appropriate.  Coming around the first bend we encountered our first obstacle (mud pits 1 - Holly - 0).  Covered in mud makes you feel even heavier than you are!  Aside from zombies staggering all over the course the next obstacle we hit were  the climbing walls.  And while they don't seem that high, after running and being caked in mud it was hard to find the energy to pull myself over them.  The 3rd obstacle was a maze of darkness that took me longer to figure out than I was anticipating.  After making our way out of the maze and through another couple of hordes of zombies we entered a darkened house (through a window) full of smoke with hanging electrodes that zapped you if you hit them.  It was hard to avoid them as they were everywhere and there were zombies in the house that scared the shit out of us thus making it even harder to avoid.  We then had to climb under barbed wire (yes real barbed wire) on our bellies through the mud,  through long covered tunnels on our knees through the mud (good luck if you are claustrophobic), up a fenced wall and down a slide into a pit of cold mud and bloody water and then under an electrified fence through the mud on our bellies.  It was a messy day but so, SO much fun.

I hope the planners had a successful day and it will be worth their effort to come back again next year.  It will be super great if they add some new obstacles and remove a couple of this years.  It was fun not really knowing what we had ahead of us when we ran the race.  I remember the feeling that came over me when I turned the corner to find the three mud pits....and then the feeling of the smile creeping over my face as I embarked on my mission.  

A Letter to the Ex

Hey You,

How is it that a human being can make so many wrong decisions and screw up everything that was good in his life, but yet it's still all someone else's fault? 

Blame:  to place the responsibility for a fault, error, etc. on someone else.

How can so much go wrong in your life in such a small period of time and you are still not capable of seeing how your actions and choices are the reason you are where you are?  It's always someone else's fault.  Things are the way they are because "others aren't sympathetic to your situation".  Other's don't try to understand. 

It's hard for me to understand when I, myself, am not an adulterer.  I can't simply get it because I don't bail continuously on my children and expect you to sit idly back and watch.  You're right, I don't understand how it got this far, because I chose not to turn to the bottle and drugs when shit got hard.   I cannot comprehend how putting your job on the line week in and week out is bettering your stressful situation.  I cannot fathom how one chick after another is improving things for you when you haven't finalized your shit with the one you're married to.  I will never understand how you could pick your f*cked up, drug addicted, disrespectful, violent brothers (whom you basically just met) over your own children.   I can't find it in me to sympathize with you because I will never end up where you are.  

You have found yourself in a place that you, alone, traveled to - on a bus labeled "Choices".  It's gonna be a lonely life when you realize you're going to be taking up residence in your town of Desperation.   There, you will come to understand that it's gone too far for too long to ever go back. 

How is it everyone else's fault that you don't follow through with anything you tell your children?  How is it everyone else's fault that you allowed your children to witness you in a physical altercation where you were injured?  They were in your care, relatively alone and terrified for your safety and theirs.  It was up to you to make the right choice for them. You didn't. 
How is it everyone else's fault that you are teaching your boys terrible lessons in relationships when you parade a new girl in front of them every time you decide to spend some pathetic excuse of time with them? 
How can you, with any conscience, make comments on Facebook to invoke replies of sympathy from ignorant outsiders towards you without explaining all the shitty things that you have done to bring you to this place? 
How do you keep burying your head in the sand up your ass?
How can you still think that because you pay your child support on a relatively consistent basis you're a great and contributing dad?  It's the only thing you've got going for you, and if you keep screwing up at work, that will be gone too. 
How can you even question that I think you're a loser? 

Psst...   I do!

So once again (for the umpteenth time) you need to step back and give your head a shake.  You need to target the main areas of your life that are the most important and you need to start finding a way to fix them.  Before it really is too late.   Just a heads up though; the marriage one is too far gone.  You will never get that back so you should probably stop asking her to reconsider.  You can however make the last dying days of it a little easier on you both if you man up and do your part. 
The next step is making the decision to rid yourself of your deadbeat family and focus on what should be the two most important boys in your life.  No, not your bros, your sons.  It's sad that I must keep reminding you that you had two sons.  Because it sure doesn't seem that way.  You need to stop asking me to 'bare with you, you're going through some hard times' because I just don't give a shit to listen to your inane babbling any longer.  It's all bullshit and nothing comes to fruition.  You are the boy who cried wolf.  Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie in hopes of bettering yourself and how people perceive you. 

Get your shit together or one day you'll turn around and realize that the boys haven't followed you.  This is my last attempt at helping you because frankly it's useless as you can't see this as anything but
an attack.  Please keep in mind though it's taken me 8 months to 'turn' on you.  I've tried reasoning with you, I've tried pleading with you, I've tried working with you, I've tried compromising with you.  I'm done. 

Stop blaming other's and clean up your own mess.

With disgust,
You're first ex-wife and the mother of your children (nothing more)

Plan For Your Future

Although the majority of my readers are my friends or people I actually know in real life it's still probably best to point out that I am a licensed funeral director/undertaker/mortician/embalmer/whatever the kids are calling it these days.  I have been working in this industry for 16 years now and luckily for me I can honestly state that I still enjoy my career/job overall.  Sure I have down days but who doesn't? 

Saw this on Facebook today and thought how appropriate!

Anyway, the point of me stating that is because I'm going to do a tiny PR post about the benefits of pre-arranging your funeral and then I'll finish with a funny example of a pre-arrangement that I've encountered. 

I've borrowed a blurb from my company's website on the benefits of planning your funeral arrangements ahead of time. 

"No one wants to think about their death any sooner than they must, but planning your funeral and cemetery services in advance, called “preplanning” or “prearranging,” is a responsible, caring act that can reduce stress for your grieving loved ones. It’s easy to understand how making decisions now about your final arrangements can help assure those left behind that your wishes are being honoured.

• Take responsibility for your own arrangements.
• Eliminate guesswork for your family.
• Personalize your service.
• Avoid emotional over spending.
• Find the value and quality you want.
• Lock in today's prices.

Whether you simply want to ensure that your wishes are carried out, or you want to protect your family from making difficult decisions at a time of loss, planning your final arrangements in advance is an important responsibility, and one of the greatest gifts you can give your loved ones."
 

There, now that that is out of the way and I feel like I've done my good deed for the day on to a fun pre-arrangement that I've come across in my 16 years of service.   Every funeral is different because every life and every family is different.  I think that statement alone is what makes me still enjoy my job after so many years.  Nothing is ever truly the same twice.

People always suggest to me that I should write a book about all the interesting, crazy, fun, unique things I've encountered in my time.  And they're right, I probably should.  But I'm not going to.  Besides, there are a lot of books written by Funeral Director's about interesting stuff that happens on the job day in and day out already, so why bother?  There have been some funny and true to life TV shows out there as well.  For now though, here's a fun story for you.  All names, of course, have been changed to protect the innocent.  I'm going to copy verbatim otherwise what we have on file for said person.

Dr. Virginia Mable Smith (fake name, just reminding you! Oh and by the way, she's not really a doctor, but that's the title she has given herself.  Maybe she likes the ring of that versus Mrs. or Ms.)

Cremated, gravesite opened and re-opened (Huh?  How many times do we need to open this thing?) of Mable Virgina Smith, Death-Valley Life Cemetery, City of Somewhere.  I am to be buried with the following items:

• Card parliament building (I don't have a clue what this is and I've never heard of it.  Perhaps her old age security-social insurance card with a picture of the Canadian parliament buildings on it?)
• My kids pictures (completely normal)
• 6 grand children (I'm going to hazard a guess that the parents of these 6 grandchildren won't support this idea!  Just a hunch.)
• The necklace I made (Now I know I can take my crafts with me too!)
• My purse strap and junk earrings I wear all the time (I can't get over the request for the purse strap only.  I'd love to know the thought process behind that.  And thank goodness she wants her junk earrings, since they're junk anyway I'm sure her family won't mind parting with them.)
• Bible (Legit, that's pretty normal.)
• Christmas card (Any particular card in mind?  Is this a card she received?  One she made?  A blank one?  So vague.)
• Divorce papers (I'm a staunch supporter of this one!  hahaha)
• Final Decree (Probably not the most logical place for your final Will and Testament, but what do I know?)

And my father is to be moved out of that grave site first.   Mother, although already dead still beckons to me - He tortured her and beat her, she wants him to kindly be removed.  Mother and I will be at rest with eternal peace together forever, without him.  (While the historical information behind that statement saddens me, I find it interesting that her mother continues to haunt her to have him removed, kindly too!  I mean really, why be kind about it at this point?  Just yank those cremated remains outta there!  And for the love of God, why did she bury her mother beside him in the 1st place?)

I was adopted and my birth name is Darla Mary White (I hate that name).  I did a legal name change with a lawyer and Virginia Mable Smith is rightfully mine.  (Well she paid good money for that name change, so rightfully so!)

No autopsy, keep your f*cking hands off me or I will sue you (I'd be interested to see how.) or my kids will.  (Oh, that's how.)  And I will haunt you forever.  (That's enough of a deterant.)

These are the pending lawsuits I have.  If I don't sue you before I die, my children have been left instructions to sue you all.  You will not be free of me when I die. 

Bell telephone  (Who doesn't want to sue Bell?)
Creek Developments 
Ex husband  (If I thought I could benefit from this I might follow suit.)
Police
Government   (How does one sue the government?  I'd like to know.)
4th Avenue  (A street?  She's suing a street?!?) 

And there you go ladies and germs, a sample of a pre-arrangment to get your ideas flowing.  So put your thinking caps on and give some thought to your final wishes.  It will make things so much easier and clearer for your children.  There won't be any confusion over who they are supposed to be suing.   And, you wouldn't want to overlook anything now would you? 

Priceless Crafts

Eric came across a posting on IMGUR.com which said the following:

"My Uncle passed away this weekend. He left me this in his will... a first pressing of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. 1000 of these were made before they changed the stickers that came with it as Floyd did not have the copyright to the images on them."

 

I picked up that exact album at a garage sale for $1.00 and made it into a record bowl that Eric's brother Chris now has.  D'oh!!  Luckily Gage still has the stickers and poster from the album.  You just never do know what you'll find at a garage sale do ya? 

 

Oh me or my!  I wonder how much that thing was actually worth....I mean it was actually outlined in that dude's WILL for crying out loud.  I'm a doofus.  A crafty doofus.

Edit after researching on EBAY:

FUCK ME!!

 

When They Were Boys, the Dead Sea Was Only Sick

I was reading an article at Vice website about senior citizens the author would 'sex up' and I got to thinking (funny how that happens from time to time)...who do I think is still crazy hot enough that I'd get dirty with them despite the fact that they should be giving me butterscotch candies and telling me stories about the depression?   I can still appreciate a handsome and distinguished older gent without it being too gross, right?  So I gave it some thought and here's my own personal list of old dudes I can see myself gettin' wit.  If ya knowwhatImean.  Ya you know!  I picked famous folks, because well...coming up with their photos wouldn't be nearly as creepy. 

These are in no particular order (I think).  And I made sure all of them were over 65 because 65 constitutes a senior discount at most places and the right to collect an Old Age Pension (or Social Security in the US of A) cheque and they are almost 30 years older than me.

1.  Ian McKellan - I know he's gay but since this list is never actually going to come to fruition does it really truly matter?  I thought not. 

2.  Tom Selleck - Shit guys, he's Magnum Fucking P.I.!  And that mustache seems like it would be a challenge all in and of itself.  And what girl doesn't like a challenge? 

3.  Max von Sydow - One of very few men to play both God and the Devil in films.  And while the movie wasn't great, his role in Needful Things was.  He's creepy and handsome. 

4.  Sean Connery - This one should be a freebie no?  I mean what kind of list would this be if he wasn't on here somewhere?  His voice makes him appealing.  I could listen to him talk dirty all night. 

5.  Bill Clinton - It's probably a power thing and an "I can tame his philandering ways" (egotistical of me, I'm aware) kind of thing all rolled up into one big ball of HELLO! 

6.  Harrison Ford -  Fighting aliens in outer space and having a wookie for a best friend is extremely sexy.  And I already know he's into the younger chicks. 

7.  Alan Rickman -  Harry Potter, Professor Snape.  Enough said. 

8. David Bowie - Man he's still hot after all these years.  Frankly in my opinion, he's gotten even hotter with age.  He's a legend in his own rights so I'd also do it for bragging rights. 

9.  Lemmy of Motorhead -  He's so ugly he's awesome.  And he's hardcore and probably has a few tricks up his sleeves...probably some STD's too so I'd make sure he wore a condom. 

10.  Iggy Pop - Oh man...for the same reasons as Lemmy 'cept as crazy as this fuck is, he's way, way, way hotter.  Me-ow!!! 

So there's a top ten list of men over the age of 65 who I'd be willing to go toe to toe with (sans clothing).  Probably a little gross but the point of this post was merely to be fun and entertaining and get me thinking outside of the box.  So grab your sense of humour and tell me who you'd be willing to sleep with who is at least 25-30 years your senior?  Leave your ideas in my comment section (because I like it and I'm uber curious who I forgot about) and we'll see if we can agree!

And......GO!!! 



When You Wish Upon A Star....

A shooting star is a common name for the visible path of a meteoroid as it enters the atmosphere to become a meteor. 

This the closest photo I could find on line to depict what we were seeing last night.

This weekend is prime opportunity to witness numerous shooting stars in the night skies.   As it turns out, and most of you are aware, this weekend will be host to the best meteor shower of the year with hundreds of shooting stars filling the sky in the pre-dawn hours.  The Perseid Meteor showers will peak on Sunday night. 

Interestingly enough, in my 38 years I have no recollection of ever having the opportunity to see a shooting star.  I'm not much of a star gazer and I don't sit around ogling the heavens at night too often so my chances have been greatly diminished.   Last night was a first for me. 

Eric and I decided to create a makeshift 'bed' on the trampoline, since the temperature in the air was totally perfect last night, around midnight.  We got comfy and laid there and stared up at the night sky.  It had been kind of cloudy all day and supposedly there was supposed to be some storm that was due to blow in.  Thankfully the clouds dispersed and that storm never transpired. 

Immediately upon climbing up onto the trampoline I witnessed my very first shooting star.  And after an hour and a half, at the very most, I'd witnessed 26.  A couple of them were really amazing!  I didn't make a wish on any of them.  I thought since they were sending me so many for my first time it would be presumptuous of me to think I could wish on them all.  By number 26 I'd gotten too comfy (in true Holly fashion) and closed my eyes and fell asleep under the starry night.   Eric reported counting 44 before he too fell prey to sleep. 

We woke up at 7 this morning covered in dew with a light sprinkling of rain falling on us.  (I have to say dew works wonders on my hair.  It's so soft and curly this morning!  Probably not nearly as beautiful and flowing as I imagine it is but it sure feels that way.)

I think we're going to head out again tonight provided the weather co-operates and watch some more before I have to come in and sleep in a real bed before work tomorrow.  I'm gonna drag the boys out to witness it this time around though. 

Did you see meteors last night?  How many did you witness?