Never Forgotten

I can't begin to believe it's already been 9 years since one event changed the world so drastically.  I remember growing up people would always say, "Do you remember where you were when JFK was shot?  Or when Martin Luther King was assassinated."  My dad could tell you precisely what he was doing when JFK was shot and killed and I've heard the story so much that I could tell you what my dad was doing the day JFK died.   

My generation sadly has one of those questions that everyone asks as well.  "Where were you when the towers came down?"  There is no need to specify what towers we're talking about.  Everybody knows. 

I had just gotten home from taking Gage to his second week of Junior Kindergarten and now I was up with Roan.  He was not quite 4 months old.  My husband at the time called me at 9 a.m,  he was working days.   He told me to turn e tv on because a plane had flown into one of the World Trade Center Towers.  So I flicked on our "too big" t.v. and it was all over the news.   Immediately I thought it was just a mere accident.  Not understanding how not really possible that would be.  I also thought or maybe hoped that it was just a small plane manned by some inexperienced pilot.  But there was so much chatter and unprofessionalism from the newscasters.  And I don't mean that in a negative way.  I mean that in a 'human' way.  There was no way they could stay on script.  I think they understood this was very serious.  They maybe knew something I didn't or suspected something I was too naive to think of.

Shortly after turning on the television the second plane hit the second tower and based on the panicked reaction of the newcasters I understood the severity of the mornings events as I  was sitting in my quaint living room with my new son watching the sanctity of my  outside world, as I knew it, fall apart.  I remember the uneasy feeling in my gut to watch the plane almost tear through the building and the sick queasy feeling I got knowing this wasn't a Hollywood movie with great special effects.   Within the hour I watched as the buildings buckled and killed thousands and thousands of people, I remember vomiting from the angst I felt.  I remember sitting there silently crying, then loudly crying.  I remember trying to tend to Roan who wanted to be fed and changed and held and played with and going through the motions all the while my eyes glued to the tv.  Praying this was it.  Then hearing about the downed plane in the feild in Pennsylvania and the plane crashing into the Pentagon.  I remember panicking and thinking where next?  Wondering if Niagara Falls would be a target.  Maybe not today but some day....  I remember looking down at my son who was just born and later in the day looking over at my other son who ignorantly and naively played with his toys and wondering what kind of world I've brought them into and how was I to protect them.

I remember going to pick Gage up at 11:45 a.m from class and standing there with the other parents, shocked and stunned.  I remember the eerie feeling of hearing no planes or helicopters in the sky.  Just the silence of the day.  The eerie silence.  And I remember I couldn't stop crying.   I remember just being genuinely sad and afraid.   I remember being afraid because even the people who shouldn't be afraid (those running our country, those running the USA) were also afraid. We were all so afraid. We knew our lives would never be the same.

And here we are 9 years later and we sit and wait for something of this magnitude to happen to us once again. Or atleast I do.  I fear that won't be it.  We have troops still over trying to fight for our safetly but I'm not sure it isn't all in vain.  Some of these soldiers were mere kids when this went down.  Now they are 18, 19 years old fighting for our rights.  It just doesn't make sense to me. 

I never have to try not to forget.  That just isn't possible.  The events of that day and the way the world has changed since will forver be ingrained in my soul.