The time has come! I can make my teeny little announcement that probably isn't important to any one but me, but so be it. I've been evasive about what I've been up to, but I didn't want to say anything until I was in a position to say something. Now I can...
I applied for a volunteer position last month with the Niagara Victim Services. As stated this is a volunteer position that I want to do over and above my full time job as a funeral director. At this point in my life this is something I'm yearning to do for my own personal growth. This has nothing to do with the well being of my family or my mortgage payments or life style. This has to do solely with me. Gage is finding it hard to understand why I would want to work for free but I'm hoping one day when he's older, he'll get it.
Since my interview, reference check and police background check I've now been invited to be part of the team here in Niagara. Now I'll have about 40 hours of e-learning and about 40 hours of in-class training ahead of me before I start this journey. I'm genuinely excited to take on this new challenge and learn new skills. I believe this position can help me be a better funeral director and person and I believe the skills I already have will help me in this new role.
The goal of victim services is to assist emergency personnel in providing short-term emotional support and practical assistance to victims of crime, tragic circumstance and disaster.
I know it sounds cliché, but I'm really looking forward to helping those that need it, however short my period in their life will be, and growing as a person. Thanks for all your positive vibes and well wishes. Here's to new beginnings!
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Friday, May 23, 2014
Technology...A Love/Hate Relationship
It's 2014, we have modern technology literally at our fingertips. There is so much controversy over how much time we, has a race, spend with our faces in our phones. We criticize each other with how often we sustain our relationships via social media, texting and emails rather than having actual conversations face to face any more. I laugh at how often Eric and I will be sitting beside each other on our lap tops or phones. We still converse in person, we haven't gotten to the point where we actually find ourselves texting each other...yet. Guilty. In fact, I'm doubly guilty.
First, before I got my own smart phone, I was guilty of judging all those people who constantly had their face in their phone. Yep, guilty as charged. But NOW? Now I'm guilty of focusing too much on the micro computer in my purse. I do try to consciously put it down, but it silently speaks to me, it calls my name. It's hard not to pick it up when there's a lull in the conversation. It's so easy to grab it when there is a discussion happening and something is up for debate. I mean, come on, Google is right at our fingertips! I definitely see both sides of the coin with regards to this subject.
In the grand scheme of things I'm very grateful I didn't have to endure high school in the time of Facebook or Twitter. But lately, I'm finding myself more and more envious of this new generation. I have attempted to go through photos in hopes of capturing some long lost pictures of my youth, most importantly my teenage years, but I'm continuously coming up with very few pictures. I love when I get a notification on Facebook that I've been tagged in a photo and when I click on it, it's an oldie! The best ones are the photos I didn't even know existed. I love reliving those moments. Unfortunately, photos and videos during my youth weren't as mainstream as they are now. And the reason they are so mainstream now is because technology has made it so much easier for us to snap random photos or take quick little videos. There's no more lugging around a huge camera or camcorder to try to capture candid moments. Just like those cute little shampoo bottles, these too have been put into convenient little packages.
So just last week Roan mentioned to me that he couldn't remember what my dad's voice sounded like any more - one of the biggest worries I've struggled with after his passing. I remember clearly still (thank goodness) some of his more frequent sayings but after giving it some real thought last week, I had to come to the realization that I too was struggling to remember what he sounded like overall. I was comforted to know, after speaking with my sister and sister in law, that they too have had these fears and they too have struggled with remembering clearly. So I racked my brain to try to ascertain if we had any video recordings with my father speaking. And sadly, we really didn't. I reached out to my cousin as I knew that my dad had co-emcee'd her wedding a few years ago and inquired if she had in fact had a video of her special day. With great relief she informed me that she did have about half of her reception caught on tape before the battery was drained. So I asked for a huge favour, a favour for our family really. I asked her to forward me a copy so I could hear my dad's voice again. And she obliged - she came through with bells on. She even edited it all together so it was only my dad's words and we didn't have to endure half of her wedding reception (Thanks lady, I appreciated that! haha).
She sent it to me on Wednesday night just before midnight. The anticipation after reading her subject line "Uncle Kit video - part 1" or something along those lines immediately sent waves of emotion coursing through me. I was overwhelmed with an energy of excited sadness (is that a thing?) that overcame me immediately. I felt my eyes bursting over with water, my lungs struggling to take in air, and my throat getting that clenched feeling. I couldn't get the stinkin' video to open fast enough. And then there is was...
There he was. Was that his actual voice? Why do I remember it differently? Is it only because he was talking into a microphone and the quality of the video wasn't great? And then the more I listened and watched him talk, the more his mannerisms began to stand out and there he was. Oh my gosh, music to my ears. It didn't matter what he was actually saying. It was just so lovely to hear his voice, his tone, his lame jokes. Just over three minutes of something so silly that means the world to me. How I wish we had more minutes. How I wish the technology we experience today was around just a little bit sooner. I wish I'd jumped on the smart phone bandwagon as soon as they came out. I likely would have captured far more minutes of his voice.
So while I know we are fighting an uphill battle with the abuse of modern technology, I beg of you all....capture your loved ones doing what they love to do the most. We all hear the warnings to take more photos, but taking more video is essential as well. Capture your children all through the years even doing something as simple as playing. Catch your parents on video telling a story. You won't regret those particular overuses of your technology. I can assure you. Modern technology...it's a love/hate relationship. Find the good things about it. Capture those voices.
First, before I got my own smart phone, I was guilty of judging all those people who constantly had their face in their phone. Yep, guilty as charged. But NOW? Now I'm guilty of focusing too much on the micro computer in my purse. I do try to consciously put it down, but it silently speaks to me, it calls my name. It's hard not to pick it up when there's a lull in the conversation. It's so easy to grab it when there is a discussion happening and something is up for debate. I mean, come on, Google is right at our fingertips! I definitely see both sides of the coin with regards to this subject.
In the grand scheme of things I'm very grateful I didn't have to endure high school in the time of Facebook or Twitter. But lately, I'm finding myself more and more envious of this new generation. I have attempted to go through photos in hopes of capturing some long lost pictures of my youth, most importantly my teenage years, but I'm continuously coming up with very few pictures. I love when I get a notification on Facebook that I've been tagged in a photo and when I click on it, it's an oldie! The best ones are the photos I didn't even know existed. I love reliving those moments. Unfortunately, photos and videos during my youth weren't as mainstream as they are now. And the reason they are so mainstream now is because technology has made it so much easier for us to snap random photos or take quick little videos. There's no more lugging around a huge camera or camcorder to try to capture candid moments. Just like those cute little shampoo bottles, these too have been put into convenient little packages.
So just last week Roan mentioned to me that he couldn't remember what my dad's voice sounded like any more - one of the biggest worries I've struggled with after his passing. I remember clearly still (thank goodness) some of his more frequent sayings but after giving it some real thought last week, I had to come to the realization that I too was struggling to remember what he sounded like overall. I was comforted to know, after speaking with my sister and sister in law, that they too have had these fears and they too have struggled with remembering clearly. So I racked my brain to try to ascertain if we had any video recordings with my father speaking. And sadly, we really didn't. I reached out to my cousin as I knew that my dad had co-emcee'd her wedding a few years ago and inquired if she had in fact had a video of her special day. With great relief she informed me that she did have about half of her reception caught on tape before the battery was drained. So I asked for a huge favour, a favour for our family really. I asked her to forward me a copy so I could hear my dad's voice again. And she obliged - she came through with bells on. She even edited it all together so it was only my dad's words and we didn't have to endure half of her wedding reception (Thanks lady, I appreciated that! haha).
She sent it to me on Wednesday night just before midnight. The anticipation after reading her subject line "Uncle Kit video - part 1" or something along those lines immediately sent waves of emotion coursing through me. I was overwhelmed with an energy of excited sadness (is that a thing?) that overcame me immediately. I felt my eyes bursting over with water, my lungs struggling to take in air, and my throat getting that clenched feeling. I couldn't get the stinkin' video to open fast enough. And then there is was...
There he was. Was that his actual voice? Why do I remember it differently? Is it only because he was talking into a microphone and the quality of the video wasn't great? And then the more I listened and watched him talk, the more his mannerisms began to stand out and there he was. Oh my gosh, music to my ears. It didn't matter what he was actually saying. It was just so lovely to hear his voice, his tone, his lame jokes. Just over three minutes of something so silly that means the world to me. How I wish we had more minutes. How I wish the technology we experience today was around just a little bit sooner. I wish I'd jumped on the smart phone bandwagon as soon as they came out. I likely would have captured far more minutes of his voice.
So while I know we are fighting an uphill battle with the abuse of modern technology, I beg of you all....capture your loved ones doing what they love to do the most. We all hear the warnings to take more photos, but taking more video is essential as well. Capture your children all through the years even doing something as simple as playing. Catch your parents on video telling a story. You won't regret those particular overuses of your technology. I can assure you. Modern technology...it's a love/hate relationship. Find the good things about it. Capture those voices.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Squeeee!!!!
So a year or so ago, much to Eric's chagrin, I donated to what I believe was a VERY worthwhile cause. I donated via Kickstarter to the much talked about, anticipated (yet criticized) new project from Zach Braff. I mean for a girl who loves, loves, LOVES Garden State how could I not support his follow up project?
I'll be honest when I first read about his idea for the movie I was left wondering if I was going to be disappointed because it sounded nothing like Garden State (and well...I just loved that movie so much...). But the other day they sent us backers the trailer before it was released and then they released it to the world! Ya'll are so lucky.
I watched the trailer (like 50 times) and I instantly had that feeling wash over me like I did watching the trailer for Garden State. I'm not disappointed. I'm super excited for this movie (Eric (and Rich) is probably reading this and rolling his eyes at me). Zach has an insane ability for picking the best sound tracks to his productions (including Scrubs). I swear the music can make or break a movie.
After watching the movie, the front man for the Shins, James Mercer, was so moved he penned an entirely original piece of music just for Wish I Was Here. It's the second song in the trailer. Go on, watch it and give it a listen. Amazing. And Zach even got my name right! ;)
Goosebumps!
I'll be honest when I first read about his idea for the movie I was left wondering if I was going to be disappointed because it sounded nothing like Garden State (and well...I just loved that movie so much...). But the other day they sent us backers the trailer before it was released and then they released it to the world! Ya'll are so lucky.
I watched the trailer (like 50 times) and I instantly had that feeling wash over me like I did watching the trailer for Garden State. I'm not disappointed. I'm super excited for this movie (Eric (and Rich) is probably reading this and rolling his eyes at me). Zach has an insane ability for picking the best sound tracks to his productions (including Scrubs). I swear the music can make or break a movie.
After watching the movie, the front man for the Shins, James Mercer, was so moved he penned an entirely original piece of music just for Wish I Was Here. It's the second song in the trailer. Go on, watch it and give it a listen. Amazing. And Zach even got my name right! ;)
Goosebumps!
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
It's Time
Last week I applied for a new (additional) position in my life. I heard back today that I've been invited to jump through the first hurdle on Tuesday evening. I'm not going to write about what the position is at this point, because I'm not certain I can (only two people know about it). But if I make it through these upcoming hurdles, I'm looking at more schooling and training. I'm almost shocked to say that I'm looking forward to more education! Is this strange insight something that has come with age??
I really have my fingers crossed that I will find success with this endeavour. It's a role I think I could be pretty decent at and look forward to something new and different, and even a little out of my comfort zone. Once I learn if I can 'talk' about it loosely, I'll fill you all in on this potential new chapter for me.
I'll take all the luck you have to offer, my lovelies.
I really have my fingers crossed that I will find success with this endeavour. It's a role I think I could be pretty decent at and look forward to something new and different, and even a little out of my comfort zone. Once I learn if I can 'talk' about it loosely, I'll fill you all in on this potential new chapter for me.
I'll take all the luck you have to offer, my lovelies.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Treading Water
Grief is an interesting emotion. You would think since I've been surrounded in it on a daily basis over the past 20 years (give or take a few days) that I'd have a good grasp on it. And frankly, for the most part I genuinely believe I do. It's been just a little over 3 years since my father passed away and I'd say 90% of the time I do my utmost best to keep my emotions about it at bay. Maybe that's good, maybe that's bad, but it's how I exist and it seems to be working for me thus far. However, every once in a while I get taken off guard by the power of grief and its relentlessness to take over for short intervals here and there.
Tonight Gage, Eric and myself went for dinner for Eric's birthday, and just as we were pretty much wrapping up, a young girl in her early 20's walked in and was seated at a two person table. It was clear she was waiting for her dinner date to show up. When the waitress approached her I heard the patron tell her that 'her dad was just parking the car and he'd be right in.' A twang of jealousy overcame me. Just a mere sentence like that. Silly, I know. And then he walked in. Their interaction caused a lump in my throat and my nose to tickle a bit. My eyes immediately started to water. I didn't get it; they weren't over the top. They didn't even hug hello. It was just the casual way he spoke to her and how she smiled at him while she talked. It was clearly an easy conversation between a girl and her dad. And man was I green with envy. I had to swallow my tears. It came over me that suddenly and that powerfully; like an undertow. It's a good thing I was sitting because it could have taken my feet out from under me.
Three years. I'm good! I can talk about my dad and laugh and smile. I'm well on my way to recovery. Aren't I? I'm suppose not. I can keep trying to fool myself. I can paddle through the day with a smile on my face and bury my emotions like the best of them, but once in a while the truth surfaces and I'm reminded that I've lost such a huge, mega influential person in my life...a steady, a constant, a norm. And maybe I'm not adjusting to change quite as awesomely as I think I am. Every once in a while I'm reminded that I'm not a robot. Every once in a while my emotions get the better of me. Sometimes it hurts. Just for a few minutes and then I find something else to focus on and I smother it down below the surface. Most of the time I'm not even consciously aware that I'm doing it.
Sometimes I think I need to learn how to swim in my grief for a little while. I tread from time to time, but sometimes I think I need to dunk my head under water, fully submerge myself, and hold my breath for as long as I can. But drowning terrifies me. Even when it's metaphorical. Treading will have to do, because I'm pretty sure I'm a long way from land and I'm not a very good swimmer.
Tonight Gage, Eric and myself went for dinner for Eric's birthday, and just as we were pretty much wrapping up, a young girl in her early 20's walked in and was seated at a two person table. It was clear she was waiting for her dinner date to show up. When the waitress approached her I heard the patron tell her that 'her dad was just parking the car and he'd be right in.' A twang of jealousy overcame me. Just a mere sentence like that. Silly, I know. And then he walked in. Their interaction caused a lump in my throat and my nose to tickle a bit. My eyes immediately started to water. I didn't get it; they weren't over the top. They didn't even hug hello. It was just the casual way he spoke to her and how she smiled at him while she talked. It was clearly an easy conversation between a girl and her dad. And man was I green with envy. I had to swallow my tears. It came over me that suddenly and that powerfully; like an undertow. It's a good thing I was sitting because it could have taken my feet out from under me.
Three years. I'm good! I can talk about my dad and laugh and smile. I'm well on my way to recovery. Aren't I? I'm suppose not. I can keep trying to fool myself. I can paddle through the day with a smile on my face and bury my emotions like the best of them, but once in a while the truth surfaces and I'm reminded that I've lost such a huge, mega influential person in my life...a steady, a constant, a norm. And maybe I'm not adjusting to change quite as awesomely as I think I am. Every once in a while I'm reminded that I'm not a robot. Every once in a while my emotions get the better of me. Sometimes it hurts. Just for a few minutes and then I find something else to focus on and I smother it down below the surface. Most of the time I'm not even consciously aware that I'm doing it.
Sometimes I think I need to learn how to swim in my grief for a little while. I tread from time to time, but sometimes I think I need to dunk my head under water, fully submerge myself, and hold my breath for as long as I can. But drowning terrifies me. Even when it's metaphorical. Treading will have to do, because I'm pretty sure I'm a long way from land and I'm not a very good swimmer.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
A Model for a Day
Is it normal for people to find reasons not to do things that would please themselves? Is it human nature to play the martyr role? Does it naturally happen when you become a parent? You tend to become less self absorbed? Or does it just magically happen when you transition into adulthood, no children necessary?
I'm not too sure but I find at this point in my life that I'm more inclined to spend any extra money I might have on my children or my house. I have to consciously talk myself into spending money on something for me. Usually. I've been trying to make a concerted effort lately to find a happy mix of it all. Obviously I'm not oozing with money so it's not often an issue but when I have it, lately I've been trying to look after everyone, including myself.
Michelle, aside from being a great photographer, is also a hairdresser by trade. So she did my hair and make up for the photo shoot as well. She also prefers to rely as little as possible on Photoshop and as much as possible on her actual camera skills. I almost wished she hadn't told me that. I'd talked myself into a state of calm knowing she'd just Photoshop all the bad stuff out. Nope! Eeek! Now I was worried I'd spend all this time, effort and "money" and I wouldn't get a shot I was comfortable with but more importantly loved! (I am my harshest critic - aren't we all?) I was so wrong. She sent me so many wonderfully, fun shots. I am so pleased with the results and I would recommend doing this to all women out there. I swear, I felt like a model for 4 hours that day. She has so many package ideas, Pin Ups are only one of them.
I'm not too sure but I find at this point in my life that I'm more inclined to spend any extra money I might have on my children or my house. I have to consciously talk myself into spending money on something for me. Usually. I've been trying to make a concerted effort lately to find a happy mix of it all. Obviously I'm not oozing with money so it's not often an issue but when I have it, lately I've been trying to look after everyone, including myself.
This is my 40th year my lovelies! FORTY! Like fo' real?? Yes, for real. I can hardly believe it myself, so I'm sure my mother is struggling with it. But it's not like I'm struggling with it. Quite the contrary. I'm embracing it and welcoming it. Forty is the new twenty! So I'm making more of an effort this year to make it MY year! Greedy? Perhaps, but no one I'm legally responsible for is suffering for it, so I'm good with it.
So in this year of the Holly (It's actually the year of the Horse, but who's being petty? Both start with an H.) I have scratched off one of the items on my list of things to do at least once! I've always wanted to do a photo shoot. Back in the late 80's/early 90's it was a Glamour Shots thing (Thank goodness I didn't bother with those! Or maybe it would have been awesome to have them too!). For the past few years Pin Up photo shoots seem to be all the rage. I constantly looked at photos wishing I was brave enough to step outside of my comfort zone and rich enough to fork over the money. Then last summer fate found a way to step in (Do I believe in fate?) and I won a gift certificate for a basic Pin Up photo shoot with the lovely Michelle Boulay (Michelle Boulay Photography) from a friend's Stag and Doe night. The gift certificate covered the bulk of the expense (hair, make up application, one outfit and three edited prints) so I scrounged up some extra cash and upgraded that package and booked my shoot a couple of weeks ago. Now I got to use a couple of outfits and get more photos in the end.
Michelle was awesome. Like I said I was out of my comfort zone and completely nervous about looking like a moron whilst trying to pose like a model with zero experience. I am 100% positive there were tons of those awkward photos in amongst all the shots she took, but she was kind enough not to share them with me. Thank you for that Michelle! Before my actual appointment we chatted back and forth about what my expectations were (I had none), what kind of background/theme I wanted to use/do (I had no preference) and what to generally expect. So when I got to her place I was more excited than nervous.
She had so many little sets around her space. It was like I entered a time vortex back to the 1950's. I loved it immediately. She had a vintage dining set, lamps, furniture, hair salon, and more props than you can shake a stick at. I loved it all. Her dressing room looked like a costume department threw up in there. Clothes, shoes, hats, everywhere!! So many options! We ended up going with some clothes I had brought with me. We knew they'd fit and I think she was excited to work with the colours and outfits she wasn't used to working with.
Michelle, aside from being a great photographer, is also a hairdresser by trade. So she did my hair and make up for the photo shoot as well. She also prefers to rely as little as possible on Photoshop and as much as possible on her actual camera skills. I almost wished she hadn't told me that. I'd talked myself into a state of calm knowing she'd just Photoshop all the bad stuff out. Nope! Eeek! Now I was worried I'd spend all this time, effort and "money" and I wouldn't get a shot I was comfortable with but more importantly loved! (I am my harshest critic - aren't we all?) I was so wrong. She sent me so many wonderfully, fun shots. I am so pleased with the results and I would recommend doing this to all women out there. I swear, I felt like a model for 4 hours that day. She has so many package ideas, Pin Ups are only one of them.
So this my friends, is what 40 looks like, and I'm loving it! Thanks for the great experience Michelle! Be sure to swing by her web page and check out her talent and if you're in the Niagara Region and interested in something like this, reach out to her and ask your questions.
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