Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Almost Time

It's only a matter of weeks left.  Mere days until a part of me leaves.  There's a feeling of emptiness and despair that comes over me when I think about it for more than a millisecond.  I know it's silly, but for the past 18 years + he's been the one constant in my life.  He's what kept me going, what kept me persevering.  It's just been me and him, then me and him and Roan and then we added Eric to the mix, but it's been me and him always.  I'm not really ready to lose him just yet.  It's all happened so, so fast.  I've blinked and just like that his needing me is gone like a blip.  Everyone says it won't be like that, that he'll always need me but be realistic, boys don't up and call their mothers frequently or check in as often as we'd like.  He'll meet someone and then that person will take up where I've unwillingly left off...And I hope I like that person because if I don't well then what?!?  These are the things I've been thinking about.  I already feel a bit broken and it hasn't even happened yet.

I feel like parental love is the only type of love that you enter into knowing it ultimately leads to separation.  I feel a bit like Dorothy and Gage is my Scarecrow.  <sad face>

It's Been a While...

Hello old friend(s).  It's been a while since I've visited.  I didn't think I missed you but I've been lying to myself.  I've been lazy and indifferent.  I feel like I've let my relationship with my blog slip since the day I came into possession of a smart phone.  It's just so much easier to check my familiar sites from that little gadget then it is to set up shop with my lap top.  But I'm off for a week so I'm going to try to find the time to get back here and tap away at the keys and see if there is anything inside me to share.

I guess the first post should be the obligatory 'Whatchya been up to lately Holly?' So here goes...I'm gun shy to say it out loud let alone type it, but 2015 seems to be turning into THEE year for my household.  I suppose the minute I put this out there into the universe it will all come crashing down on me (or us), but I'm really trying hard to lose the pessimism deeply bred into me.

This year we have begun to see major changes in Roan.  He's definitely losing some of the childlike traits.  He's unlikely to cry at the drop of a hat at the first sign of disappointment and he's curbed the whining but he's still maintained his wacky sense of humour.  We'll never truly know if it's because we changed his meds or if he's just maturing and coming into his own, but life is a lot easier day by day.  Currently his favourite past time is scootering with his buddies while mastering new tricks weekly.  It really is entertaining to watch him on that scooter zooming around with ease and learning new, crazy, tricks quickly.  I'm so proud that he's found something he enjoys and he's stuck with it for the past three years or so.  He's just getting better and better. 

He's also signed up for Taekwondo and has committed to a year, minimum.  He seems to be really enjoying it and takes his first test in the middle of August to move from white belt to yellow belt.  I'm fairly certain the small goals will keep him interested and this type of training has been known to promote discipline and maturity.  So here's hoping he'll continue on this new refreshing path. 

School for him has never really been easy, but he seemed to have a better year this go around and really liked his teacher.  She was even able to tap into the passion the kid is having for scootering and convinced the school to start a 'scooter club' that Roan is running with a friend.  So my fingers are crossed that like his brother this is the year we start to see Roan's real personal growth start.

Gage is having a great year.  He finished his high school career with a great surprise at his graduation ceremony:  recipient of a $1500 Niagara Peninsula Energy Scholarship, Ontario Scholar Award for above 80% in Grades 11 and 12, AN Myer Medallian awarded for earning a place on the Principal's Honour Roll in Grade 12, District School Board of Niagara Silver Medallian Scholar's Award for above average 80% in Grade 11 and 12, and finally a technology Cerfitciate. Better late than never I suppose.
In February he received a letter of acceptance from Mohawk College in Hamilton for the Electrical program (his first choice) starting in September. He was also acceptance to live in Residence while away at school for his first year. Two big sighs of relief and an unexpected jubilant feeling of pride.  So many mixed emotions.  He's been working two part time jobs for the past couple of years and for the most part squirrelling away his money and staying out of trouble!!  He really has made raising a teenager a breeze.  (I feel like Roan will test my abilities a little more often.  haha)  Definitely turning into a good man.

Eric spent the past year working a dream gig up north in Northern Ontario with a friend of a friend. But this January he scored a great opportunity to complete testing for General Motors and eventually was offered a full time, permanent position with GM 5 minutes from home that started in early March.  He's gotten a position within the plant that works perfectly with his personality so he seems genuinely pleased and appreciative of the opportunity.  

Things with me are also going well.  I've been keeping busy with work life, family life and my new volunteer position that started in July with Victim Services Niagara.  I've also amped up my role as a funeral director at this point and time in my career and have taken on some added duties within the profession that are giving me new found passion.  I was also approached with a new challenge by my company and have accepted a slightly altered position.  It comes with some new stresses but I think the challenges will out weigh those in time.  I'm still getting my feet wet and trying to sort it all out, but once I do I'm certain it's going to be great.   Changes are all around us and I'm really enjoying the newness of it all.

So that's the first 6 months of 2015 for our little family!  I'm hoping to start to find the time and desire to get back into some sort of regularity with this blog if not for anyone's sake, but my own.